ncallum

There's a girl I know who's in the same friendship group as me and I'd liked her for a long time to the point that I felt, although I hadn't spoken to her much, I was falling in love with. She's a friend of a friend and we were getting on really well of late. However, last week I was getting texts from a no. I didn't recognise, pretending to be from a girl I met on a drunken night out. I knew it was a wind up but played along with it (although the person thinks I've fallen for it). These texts are still continuing. Today I found out that the texts are from her and it turns out that along with another guy in our group they have been playing a practical joke on me. They seem intent on carrying on the joke for as long as possible to the point of making me turn up to meet this person, who doesn't actually exist. Now I'm the first to play a joke on someone and often dish it out, knowing with willingness that I will have to take it too. To me though this is well below the belt and mean and spiteful. I think this goes beyond humour because I feel that my emotions are being played with. I'm completely against jokes which involve messing with people's emotions. I don't know what to do about this because I feel quite let down by both people. i don't think this is the sort of thing that friends do to each other and feel like telling them exactly what i think. It's not that simple though because we go out as a group and I don't want to make things awkward. Just curious to hear what people think. Please let me know if you think I'm overreacting.

I asked a girl out a couple of months ago and she said no because she has a boyfriend. However, a couple of weeks ago they split up and we've been getting on quite well (not like best buds or anything but we have a laugh together etc). Anyway, today she asked if I'm going to be sending her a valentines day card? Possibly in jest I don't know. Obviously I was a bit surprised by this question and just said 'I'm sure you'll be getting thousands anyway'. The thing is now, having got over the fact that it was never going to happen, I'm now at the stage where I'm spending too much time - an unhealthy amount of time you could say - thinking about her. The other thing worth noting about her is that her mood towards me is inversely proportional to the attention I give her. If I spend too much time around her, I get the cold shoulder, but if I don't speak to her for a day or so she'll be right over to talk to me. Do I pass her off as an attention seeker and refuse to play her game or shall I investigate further and see if anything can happen?..... Also, any help on whether to send a Valentines Card would be much appreciates. Cheers.

Hi all, I was hoping you may be able to offer me some of the renowned expert advice. There was this girl I really liked (and still really like). Anyway, back in September I asked her out and she declined because she had a boyfriend. Two weeks ago she split up with said boyfriend and I've since heard from other sources (uncertain reliability) that she quite liked me before, although how much I'm not sure. The other thing is that of late we have been getting on much better and seem to have a really good laugh together. If there's any chance of anything ever happening between us I would love to know, but I have two key concerns: 1) I refuse to ask her out again as it will seem desperate and pathetic and 2) I work with her and as there's only about 20 of us I don't want to create any awkwardness or risk our friendship. Anyone got any suggestions? Cheers

Ya know, as blunt as it is I think you're spot on, diggity. I probably am beating a dead horse. If I think of things from the perspective of someone who I really don't fancy, no amount of effort from them could change my decision because my mind is tuned not to like them. So, yeah, perhaps I am kidding myself and this is one I have to move on from. Looks like a non-deceitful friendship is the best I'm gonna get, provided I don't screw things up tomorrow night

Ouch, a stinging rebuke of my intentions, dig. Can't say I can argue with you though, every point you make is logical and realistic. I dunno, this is something I should probably learn to drop and forget about. It's difficult though. Maybe you're being a tiny bit harsh on me though if you see me as some sort of obsessed stalker. I'm only guilty of liking the girl but this is something I'm going to have to learn to forget about.

Hi, I'm seeking advice because I have done before and you've always been very helpful. What it is, I need advice on tactics. I'm going on an office night out on Friday. There's about 40 of us going and there's a girl going who I'm very keen on - possibly even too keen. A while ago I asked this girl out and she kinda blew me out. Well, she said yes, but then next thing I find out she's not that interested so I knocked it on the head where that was concerned. I now get on with her much better and we occasionally chat - sadly in groups though, but she has told a mutual friend in the past that she doesn't really 'fancy me'. This has been the most frustrating period of my life though. I'm fairly sure if she got to know me and if I could chat to her on a one on one basis she'd change her mind about me. I'd just love to take her out away from the gossip of the office (the song by Heart 'How do I get you alone'? is a very suitable song). Anyway, this weekend could be a chance for that chat but I just need a bit of advice on how to conduct myself. I want to be flirty and suggestive. I need to be fairly subtle as I have to face her again on Monday morning. She's a lovely girl and I am sadly becoming infatuated with her - this sounds pathetic but unfortunately this is how it has become. So my question I guess is how do you be 'flirty and suggestive'? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be offensive or disrespectful. I just want her to know how I feel without blirting it out. Equally, I'd like to hear from people who think I should just walk away and leave it before I majorly embarrass myself.

thanks guys. Assuming we're getting on ok, how long should I leave it before asking her out?

OK, I'm 27 but despite my years of experience I still mess things up. That's partly why I ask your help before I do. On my way out of work today I noticed a cute girl (well to me anyway). She smiled at me as we passed, but this was more friendly than anything. I really want to talk to her now, but have problems: notably a lack of confidence in my looks and shyness. I don't know what department she works in but I want to get to know her. Can anyone suggest any useful icebreakers/ways to initiate conversation. I'm fairly new myself so can't really rely on others to introduce me as I don't know many that well. Any advice much appreciated. Thank you

She works on another department in the office and I liked her from the start. Today was the first time I really spoke to her, but I felt I did OK and I'm slowly getting a slight connection. Making her feel attracted to me is difficult though, firstly because I'm very self conscious at work and secondly because she's always with a group of others. I want to get to know her, but don't want it to end in humiliation for me. Somehow I need to be able to chat to her on a more one to one basis, then drop a few hints maybe. Somehow I feel the ice needs to be broken a bit more. Any advice much appreciated. Thanks Cal.

Cheers guys, thanks for your support and honesty.

Please be honest as I haven't done it yet. Basically, there's a girl in my local sandwhich shop who I'm quite keen on. She might not know it, or know me apart from as one of many customers but I've taken quite a shine to her. I go in there some days and she's always friendly. I'm keen to ask her out as I've been single for quite a while, but the shop is always v. busy meaning I can never get her alone. What I propose is to go in buy my sandwhich and strike up some conversation, then leave only to queue up a few moments later, pick up a can of coke and say sorry, I forgot this. Then, as she hands me my change and receipt I slip her my phone number. Good or complete garbage. What do you reckon. Advice and similar experiences much appreciated. Ta

DMH, can you suggest a word for word way of saying that please? Whilst I inevitably must come accross as pathetic for asking this, I've never been in this position before as relationships generally grow naturally. Cheers

if i knew this i'd be laughing

It's a girl who I'm great friends with, who I get on really well with and someone I'd like something to happen with. Anyway, it's possibly doubtful she feels the same. She's single, but she was telling me last night about a guy she fancies. I was crushed by this as I've admired her for so long. I work with her, but feel like she doesn't know the real me because I'm quite shy around her, even though I'm not naturally shy. I need to make it clear to her (without seeming desperate) that if there's any chance of anything happening I'd be very keen. How I can do this is very difficult. Do I tell her? Do I drop hints that aren't so subtle or do I just forget it. Either way, my decision needs to be made by tomorrow afternoon as we go for a drink at lunchtime and this is my platform to suggest something....should I actually bother. What do you guys reckon? Cheers

I'm not a virgin (I had occasional sex during a 2 year long distance relationship), but I'm terrified of sex all the same. There are two real problems: sex doesn't stimulate me all that much, and on the rare occasions that it does, I can only have one orgasm, then my penis goes weak and I find it very difficult to get an erection again. I could only have sex once a night (if that). Whether this is a psychological thing or not I don't know, but it's impacting on my quality of life. It makes it extra difficult for me to talk to girls and I feel as though I can't embark on another relationship for as long as this remains a problem. Can anyone offer any advice. Thanks

So I didn't really talk to her all that much today. Seems she may have taken my offer as a friendly invite. Feeling quite dejected. My plan was to let her make the next move.

Thanks for all your advice, people. I always get good advice at this place.

We went out on an office do on Friday night and although we didn't talk all that much she text me yesterday morning to ask if I enjoyed myself etc. Having a spare ticket to a show (a friend having dropped out) I invited her along. Her response was 'Any other time, yeah, but I'm already going out tonight'. What do I deduce from this?...And how do I handle the situation at work tomorrow morning?

So, there's a works do on Friday night and there's this girl I've liked for some time. I want to make a move on her. But there are two problems: firstly, I don't know her all that well and haven't spoken to her all that much. Secondly, I made a rather unsuccessful attempt to pull her mate several months ago, the result of which was some bitterness (not between me and girl I'm after I should add). What should I do? I don't want this girl to feel like 2nd choice because, if anything, I prefer her. Also, how can I make a move bearing in mind I don't talk to her that often at work? Part of me feels that I should maybe walk away. Anyone wanna convince me otherwise? It's just I've built up an unhealthy desire for her.

I like to think that I'm fairly good at approaching/attracting girls but the toughest nut to crack in my experience is the bar maid. Pity really because there's one I quite like. Whether it be in a crowded pub or a quiet one it's very difficult. There's nothing that she hasn't heard before and seperating yourself from the hundreds of other blokes she's had hitting on her in the past is not easy. So I ask, has anyone else met with this problem and can you relay experience/ offer advice on how to be different.....in a good way, of course? Especially as it's NYE and I may try my luck on the one at my local tonight

I do, sometimes, but it often results in a scowl and a look the other way.

I'm a lovely person and consider myself to be good looking and to have a decent enough personality. My downfall is that I lack the necessary confidence to make the initial contact in a club. Can anyone suggest a suitable ice breaker or give me theres?

Has anyone ever read this? Saw it in Walmart yesterday and thought it may help me with my incurable shyness and fear of women. Can anyone reccommend it?

Have quite liked her for a while. Cracking arse, cracking sense of humour and I reckon we'd gel perfectly. Trouble is not sure how much she likes me and also I work with her. Working with her may not seem too much of a problem but the issue here is that I've already tried (and failed gloriously) to pull someone else on her section. These two girls don't get on but things with the other girl ended quite acrimoniously post brush off. What should I do: Risk ultimate humiliation by being rejected again...or walk away with a small shred of dignity in tact? Cheers in advance.

cheers, I know you're right and this is something I need to conquer. Will let you know how I get on though