chris7

Just allow yourself to feel whatever stage you're in because as bad as it can feel you'll start realizing after a while it's going to pass. Try taking them on one by one and not dwell on which one is coming next. And if you can spoil yourself just a little in the process, that helps, too.

Instincts AND background checks. Together I'd say they're the two most powerful tools to help avoid disappointments...or worse, danger. Good luck, hope your experience is a good one.

The less you concentrate on getting (what sounds like) snookered and the more you think about how lucky you are to have spotted a problem early, recovering from disappointed happens faster. Me, I'd call her on the photo situation, then bid her a respectful farewell. Maybe next time you participate in an online dating group, be very specific about what physical qualities you're attracted to. I see nothing wrong (or shallow) about that.

Your husband is an adult. This girl is a minor. He's upset because you question him about it? He's going to be a lot more than that if he gets thrown in jail. I guess it probably doesn't occur to him this girl more than likely has *parents* who could intervene.

One thing I forgot to mention.... I've had my own failure in a cyber relationship and wouldn't be at all open to another one. But I know some do work...I have two friends who have crossed oceans and eventually married. But one thing I noticed is that from the get-go neither one of them depended solely on email, chats, etc.. They wrote each other hand written mail, planned and followed through on meetings, shared all expenses and basically worked pretty darn hard to get to know each other. That's the thing--internetting is too convenient, too much fun, too EASY. bah...sorry.. guess I'm slightly jaded.

Because he's a player with his own set of rules. And about all his health issues? Don't be so sure he's telling the truth there but even if he is, ask yourself why he lays them on *you. Maybe he's looking for a caretaker or someone to financially support him. I'm speaking here based on an experience with a man I was involved with and his ever growing list of health problems were used as one of his trump cards. In many instances he used being sick as his excuse for this and that, as if it exonerated him from respectful behavior and responsibilites. IMO, people like this are predators and when they figure out you won't play, they move on. Sometimes they turn up again...like your guy has. Mine did, too. Still is bugging me but I do think he's finally getting it. You gotta be firm and not even entertain the notion you'll be 'friends'. Btw, that'll probably just piss him off anyway...whether *he suggests it or you do. That isn't what he wants. He wants back in your life, pick up where you left off. Don't do it.

thanks, that might do it. His attention span is nil anyway unless he's talking about his plans for us. I see I just need to keep things short and to the point.

Thank you for this advice. You're right, of course. No one is really going to care in the end so if he starts insinuating again he might 'slip up' or accidently mention something to one of my friends I guess that's his choice and he'll probably be seen for what he is--bitterly desperate. We met in a wonderful group of people that I've formed healthly friendships with over the past two years and would hate to think this could send me packing but if does, at least I learned a very valuable lesson I'll never forget. Thanks again, appreciate your advice and comments.

An online relationship can start even when it's the last thing you're looking for. That's how it happened for me. I'm a member of an online group that has one common interest unrelated to the dating game. In the course of participating and exchanging idea's and general chit chat I met someone I thought I could have a future with. Wrong. But good to you. Just be careful.

Same here, experienced and probably biased. However, I do think if you're willing to take a lot of time getting to know someone and preferably as just friends, your chances of success are greater than if you set out with a mission to find a mate. Also, I think it's a good idea to do a professional background check in anyone you think you might be considering a future with. I wish I'd have taken my own advice.

I decided to end an online relationship I've been having with a man for the past 15 months. I offered friendship which was greeted with an icy response, then dead silence for a couple of months. Suddenly I hear from him and he seems to want to discuss general life events and talk about his future endeavors. That was fine. I replied with genuine interest. However, it's now obvious to me he is only interested in having a romantic relationship. Question: I don't dislike this man (getting close, though) but I also don't trust him. Publicly he has an outgoing personality and terrific sense of humor and is well liked but with me he started getting increasingly depressing, needy and demanding. Honestly, I started getting the creeps. But even at that point I expressed a willingness to remain his friend. (I know now I made a big mistake there.) My problem is that, so far, I've been unable to discourage him. I continue to receive romantic emails, messages, etc. He goes away for a while, maybe a week or so, then starts in again. Like I said, I'm getting the creeps. But here's the clincher. He has saved all our correspondence, pictures, chats, etc. over all these months. Just a feeling but I think he could get vindictive and start passing that material around to my friends and family. He's a scorekeeper type--and if he feels slighted he gets highly agitated. Right now, I'm agitating him by not replying in the manner he'd like. So, I'm worried he could retaliate in a number of ways. Am I paranoid? I hope that's all it is. I need to find the right words to tell him I never want to hear from him again without being blatently cruel. I've never been in a situation like this before.. And yes, I take responsibility for my part in all this. I should have taken more time to get to know him before exposing so much personal information about myself. Thanks for listening. It helped a bit just to write this out.