dawn23

I hope you're doing okay, whatever2005 -- I know it's hard to imagine, but you will get through this. I apologize if you already said, but how long have you been in the LDR? I ask because I can totally relate. I met my guy online in February 2004, met in person in April, we were together in May, July, and a whole month in October... then he went back to Japan. I had to go almost 6 months without him -- the only thing that kept us going were the 6-7 phone calls a day we were having and the intense passion we felt to be back together again. Then, he went back to Japan again in May. A couple of weeks later, he broke it to me that he can't talk to me when he's at work any more, so we have to talk once a day! Even though he kept saying he loves me, I took it as the end. I thought he was just trying to break up -- I didn't get it why he was backing off. To make a long story short, I was driving around about 1 a.m. one morning, wasted tired because I'd been crying and driving around for hours, and I fell asleep at the wheel and rolled my car down a 100-foot cliff. I climbed out and got help, but all the firemen and EMTs told me this: it was bad; I was lucky be alive. I had been totally depressed and emotionally exhausted, making things up in my head (because he does not want to break up and he totally loves me). I'd even been telling my friends I felt like driving off the road for weeks! (Be careful what you say.) I guess I'm telling you my story because I hope it helps you to see that, yes, the pain sometimes feels unbearable (even when things are going great between you), but you can be strong and remember -- he wants you to be strong and be there when he comes back. And he will come back. I used to get bad panic attacks -- I couldn't breathe, I paced the floors. I had my first panic attack on the plane returning home after our second time together. I wanted to jump out of the plane. I wanted to fly through the air right back to him. But when I look in his eyes and I touch his hand, when I even just hear him breathe over the telephone, I know anything I feel is worth it -- even the pain. It's natural to miss the man you love, and I understand how it hurts -- I cry all the time. But sometimes I just say to myself: okay, that's enough feeling sorry for yourself. And I remember the good things, all the sweet things he says, how he called me unexpectedly and woke me up in the middle of the night just to sing to me the other night, and I let those things carry me through the tough times when I think I can't make it and I remember we will be together again as soon as we can be. So, please hang on, okay? I think talking to professionals is a good idea, too. (I talked to the Relationship Coaches at Mars-Venus and they help me to understand a lot.) I hope you'll keep us posted on how you're doing.

I know what you're going through -- we're going on 2 years in a LDR, I'm on the West Coast and he's in Japan (he's Japanese). When we first met (online), he was in Japan, but going to Canada for 6 months to study English. We met online in February, and met in person in Toronto in April. A few weeks later, I went back to Canada for another looong weekend because we couldn't stand to be away from each other. Our love is very, very strong, but still, it's a totally frustrating experience sometimes. I do my best to stay busy, which is what everyone suggests I do. He's busy, too -- he works 10-12 hours 6-7 days a week and he takes care of his 82-year-old mother, too. He's so busy, and with the time difference and all (17 hours!), we're down to talking on the phone once a day, for 15-20 minutes before he goes to work. (When he first went back to Japan last October, we talked 6 or 7 times a day!) It's really a good thing to talk to him every day, because it allows us to talk about what we did the night before, what we're up to that day ... all the little t hings. Sometimes we're just tired and we don't even talk, we just "sleep together" and I listen to him breathe. (I want to cry just now, thinking about it.) Mainly, I think it's important to remember that a strong love can withstand anything. We don't even know when we'll see each other in person again (maybe in the spring, which will make it about a year since we kissed!) I know everyone says it's important to have plans for the future, but at this point we just don't. All we know is we love each other strong, and there's no one else either of us wants. It's just a matter of time, and him finishing up things he has to do there (his job contract, etc) so we can be together. So, I go with that and I study my Japanese and I'm getting my degree so I can get a visa and teach English in a year or so, and I don't push it -- he knows I want to be his wife. And he knows I'll go to Japan to live if he doesn't come here like he wants to. I guess I just don't believe in pushing the big issues on the phone when he's so far away... so I'm trying to be patient (hah! not easy!) Right now I want to cry. In fact, I have been crying a lot tonight. Mostly I'm lonely. I'm really lonely for him. All I can say is hang in there, and love him, never stop. Talk to your sweetie on the phone, send him cards and emails (I send my guy a good night email every night and tell him how much I love him.) Send "care packages" frequently (I sent him a box just a couple of weeks ago, I put in a warm fleece vest, a bunch of warm socks, some good smelling soap... cozy things like that, because it's already started snowing there.) And just remember how good it feels to touch his hand and look in his eyes, and how good it's gonna feel when he's back and you can touch him again!

I'm going through the same thing -- we've been together 1-1/2 years and we're 16 hours apart (it's 9:30 p.m. here and it's 1:30 p.m. tomorrow there -- it's night for me and he's in the middle of his Monday work day in Japan). I usually just exhaust myself before I can sleep. Worse for me is if I wake up in the middle of the night (which I do a lot) and when I first wake up in the morning. He usually calls me to say good night (very briefly) every night. My problem is I worry -- I worry about him all the time because we're so far away. He thinks I'm nuts for worrying (he says I'm a "baby" and he thinks it's so cute ) but when he's working he can't exactly have a real romantic conversation (or any conversation most of the time!) -- We used to talk 5, 6, 7 times a day, but I think he got in trouble at work for it. He started asking me not to call him, let him call me instead. Things got so bad I rolled my car about 6 weeks ago. I was so worried about him I went out driving at 1 a.m. and fell asleep (I was emotionally exhausted). Don't ever do that, Okay? I went 100 feet down a cliff and was lucky enough to climb out to the highway for help. Stupid. And lucky. Anyways, hang in there. I know I sound like some sort of "expert" and like I'm so calm, but right now I'm crying, if that tells you anything. I know he's fine, but I worry and I obsess and I miss him so bad. (All I want to do is touch his hand and look in his eyes.) But I know we have a strong love, so I hold on and I wait until we're together again and for good. Take good care of yourself, Okay? PM me sometime, if you ever need to talk.

Hi suziep, Zimetra, ayekasong and everyone else This is what separates me from my guy: 4-hour drive from my house to the airport 10-hour flight 1-hour train ride into Tokyo 4-hour bullet train ride north another 2-hour train ride to his hometown (in Japan) a taxi ride from the train station to his home Then there's his job: 6 days a week, 12-15 hours a day (and all he's trying to do is finish it up so he can come live in the States; he's got 2 years left of his contract.) My job: I've got a great job right now and should keep it if we intend to have something for him to come to and for us to have together in 2 years. And, on an everyday level, he's 16 hours ahead of me! (So, when it's 11:00 p.m. Saturday for me it's 3:00 p.m. Sunday for him. ) I'm getting ready for bed and he's still in work mode. Oh yeah! And he speaks Japanese, I speak English. (Minor detail.) He speaks some English though (very well, I think) and I speak a little Japanese (and I'm studying my butt off), so... Still I believe in our ldr and I know how really blessed we are to have found each other.

Hi suziep, I just found this board today and I'm glad I did. I can totally relate to the distance and how slowly time passes -- my fiancee just left on Monday after being home for only two weeks this time, and it feels like 3 years. We've been in an LDR for almost a year and a half. The first 6 months, he was only in Canada (studying English), then he spent a month here and went back to Japan because his job is there. This was his third time here, and he loves it here -- so, when he's done with his responsibilities back in Japan, this is where we'll settle down. It's really hard being apart for both of us. Because of the project he was working on, he couldn't come home for 6 months and then, he was going to come for a month but it snowed so much there this year the project got extended and he only got 2 weeks. Now, he's back at his job and he's got 2 more years committed to it before he can come to the States -- it's good to have the light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel seems like it just goes on and on and on. Anyways, it's nice to meet you and I'm looking forward to meeting everybody and hearing your experiences (I'm always here to lend an ear or be a shoulder to cry on, too). It's good to know there are others around who "get" what I'm going through. Thanks.