whatever2005

Hey Truth is, in any normal case, this would be true. He hasn't lost interest in me and he won't and nor will I in him. It's really just a case of we can't speak. It's neither of our faults. Just circumstances.

Dear Dawn23, Thank you so much for your message. Unfortunately things have gotten even worse. We totally love each other, that isn't the problem, the fact is, we can't talk at all now, through any means. It feels almost like a break-up, but it is not, we both love each other. We're both really gutted, but it's 8 months without contact as far as I know, then we can talk again maybe. For actually physically being together in real life, might be another 2 years after that. Who knows? The reality of all this is unbearable. The pain is unbearable. I'm in tears all the time, or feeling ok, then in tears again. I don't feel suicidal, only scared and physically sick at other times. I am getting help to try to move on. Times I feel like I am going to go completely mad cos I can't cope. I know we both love each other deeply and we'll be together one day in the future in real life and obviously as soon as possible, but well, I have to try to pick myself up from this. It's really nasty not being able to speak at all to the one you love through no fault of our own, just circumstances in life. It's really hard to explain, but communication isn't possible. I don't know how long this is going to last for either and THE only thing I do intrinsically trust in is the knowledge of our feelings for each other and our great desire to be together. Hard to decide where to go from here really. Only thing I believe is in trying to pick myself up and with the help of professionals, try to cope with this, try to remember our love for each other in my heart and the knowledge we will be together one day. Does anyone else feel like they might die before getting reunited? I am just so scared I might, or he might and we'd never meet again There are no reasons for this, I guess it just must be paranoia or depression and constant anxiety. It's horrible not knowing anything about how he is, but it is the same for him about me. He doesn't know how I am. I am sure he is going completely nuts too and really depressed as well. Such a depressing situation. Does anyone have any ideas on what I should do? I'm going to hold on. That's my only desire. Hold on and it should all be ok. Well, guess I'll go now. Thanks for listening. Take care xx

Thank you Guest12345678. I will certainly try those too. I know I need help and I am seeking it. I can only hope all goes well for me and I don't go insane

That much is true too. I need to occupy my time in stead of focusing on all this negative stuff. Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot for the messages of support. Honestly? I can't live with or without him. I can't live at all. I do hope things get better, I don't even want to consider what will happen if they don't.

Thanks, I will try those, hopefully once my mood picks up a little bit and someone professional can help me.

To be honest, yes it is crippling me. I truly love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but being so incredibly lonely with noone to hug or talk to who is understanding is completely killing me. I just don't think I can manage much longer, though I will definitely try. I'm determined to be with him. He is my soulmate and if I left him, I would fall apart completely. I am going to see someone about psychiatric help and hopefully someone to talk to as well. I need to get this out, these feelings are overwhelming me totally. He really is the only person on earth to make me happy and I have placed all my hopes and dreams on him. I know missing someone is part of a long distance relationship, but I didn't have any idea it would be this bad. I hate this prolonged heartache and anxiety. Leaving is an option, but I could see it breaking me to pieces. I used to have a lot of interest in going out and seeing other people. Now I do nothing but wait for him to come online. My thoughts are bent on him only. I just don't see the point of anything else. I merely "exist" at the moment, with no hobbies or pleasure or activities. I am trying my best to change this, of course. I doubt it's good for me to be in this state. I do enjoy music, but it also makes me sad, cos I wish he would be here. Everything I do, I wish he was here or imagine him here and it rips me up because he isn't so I can't enjoy it. I can't share laughs or anything. I know when I am with him, all this disappears like smoke instantly. Yes, 9months -> 3 years till we can live together permanently. Too long, so damn long. Oh well. I will try to do everything I can to enjoy things, but as I said, it's so hard when I am so depressed. It doesn't help that I have always suffered from depression. Just makes it worse. And yes, all this suicide and panic and anxiety are too much for me to deal with. I might go mad. Hope not. We both don't have the money and I have an extreme fear of flying alone to him. It's all not good really. We're working to save so he can come and collect me and hopefully soon. He may actually have to go to the military after next year, which is why I say 9 months or 3 years. We shall have to see, but I am going completely crazy without him.

I have the most beautiful boyfriend but we're 2000km apart and there isn't a hope of meeting up at all for at least 9 months. We keep contact daily through msn and phone, but this is truly killing us. I know he will keep strong for us, but the problem is, I just feel I can't. I am sinking so fast into a deep depression. I cannot function any longer. Nothing helps. I just don't know what to do. I have constant thoughts of suicide and panic and a total fear of going completely nuts on my own. I don't live alone, but there is noone I know here really. Noone helps, supports or understands me. Only he does. And I just think 9 months is such a long time and I'll be dead or mad by the end of it. Does anyone have any coping tips? I am taking anti-depressants and am going to talk to some professionals about this, but really, I was wondering if there were some practical tips? I don't wanna go mad, I don't wanna die, but I don't want to suffer this pain any longer. It's just not fair. Why me? It's going to be at least 9 months and at worst 3 years. Help!!! I can't cope...