Cherylyn

Thank you for your kind words @AnimeFanDude. I'm glad you'll be working on yourself. 🙂 You can do this!

How would it be? That's up to you. If you can't stop thinking about him, call or text him! Ask to meet for coffee or lunch. Have a good time! 🙂 As for dating or having a relationship with a paralyzed man, obviously, he has physical limitations but as long as you're going in with reality regarding his disability, you should be fine.

Hope you will seek various avenues such as professional help, medication if necessary or continue trying to be a better person as you say. A lot of people have negative emotions. You can either remain bitter and resentful or do something about it. Do what you can control such as getting mentally and physically healthy. Surround yourself with moral people who are positive role models and strong influences. Enjoy your quiet time and do what you enjoy whether it's hobbies, reading a library book, newspapers, cooking, industrious or productive chores and the secret to getting out of the dumps is to stay busy, busy, busy! By the time you take care of everything, you're too fatigued to ruminate about "woe is me" attitudes. Limit your screen time and it will be refreshing. I've noticed that when you don't take care of your physical health, your mental health goes down the drain. You feel weaker, more negative, can't cope with life or people in it, feel defeated and hopeless. Resolve and resilience seems out of reach. There is a definite connection between sound mind and sound body.

I'm sorry you're going through this @LudwigFromSoft. Don't let other people destroy you. Be good and kind to yourself. Sure, there are good times, good memories, photos of when all was merry, perhaps gifts, dining out and the like but it will never compensate nor cancel out bad energy in the relationship. You can't forget it and you'll never ignore it in your mind. It's here to stay as long as you either have a dysfunctional or toxic person in your life or as long as you allow that person to have an incessant grip on your life. You cope with professional therapy (hopefully the therapist is a great one) and by improving your lot in life. Take good care of your physical and mental health because no one will do it for you. Divert your focus on hard work, being productive and industrious. There is truth to the "get a life" mantra. Instead of dwelling on those who've wronged you sorely, concentrate on yourself and do what makes you feel content. Some people will not make you whole. Keep moving forward in a positive direction in order to heal and recover. You can do this! 👍 🙂 All is not doom and gloom!

You can try compromising and if both parties can't and won't agree, then what is the alternative? Either accept the situation as is, accept him as he is, go on strike by no longer chauffeuring at his whim or you'll know if both of you are incompatible and decide to part ways. Those are your choices. Not everyone was meant to be together long term if disagreements don't get resolved. Either person will feel unfairness and when both people refuse to agree on a solution, then why be together? Any time a relationship requires so much work to keep it afloat, it's not working. ☹️ Think about it. 🙄

Ain't that the truth? Yep, yep, and more yep. 👍

It really depends on where you live, if you don't have a choice or if you enjoy walking to get groceries. For some people, it's inconvenient especially if they need a larger haul more than a stroller or cart can carry to avoid multiple trips or if they have a larger household or house to provide for. I could definitely see myself walking to buy groceries if it's a habit but it's not everyone's lifestyle. To each his own. ☺️ I'm very happy it works for you though! @Batya33. 🙂

I agree, don't mother him. He should figure out a way to get around. However, once @stinkydogs97 pulls the plug on transporting him here and there, he will not like it and the relationship is in more jeopardy than it already is. ☹️

It sounds like his daytime schedule and your employment night shift schedule doesn't work. It's impractical. Having worked night shift myself, it was impractical because I didn't mesh with everyone else's mainstream day life hours. By the time I had time such as weekends, I was very fatigued and preferred to rest. However, I'm sure many couples make it work no matter what their work / life schedules are. Realistically though, it is challenging for sure. As you say though, you can make it work. Anything is possible. It sounds like (I agree with others), he could very well have a side hustle and hence, unavailable for you to contact him. You could confront him but he could very well become defensive, give you excuses or both. Just be prepared for any scenario. He doesn't sound like dating material from the get go. A very nice, smart, respectful man treats you well with his actions. Obviously, he has not. ☹️

Get your car professionally inspected by a reputable mechanic and present this inspection report to the dealer in person. Hopefully, you can rectify this situation or perhaps take legal action if necessary. I hope it works out for you though!

I agree. A stroller works. I've seen people push a cart and fill it with groceries. That would work if you don't mind the weather and the distance but you do what you have to do. Another alternative would be a barter system for OP's boyfriend. He can arrange to do extra shopping or errands in exchange for needing the transportation ~ not from his girlfriend though. Once his girlfriend is no longer chauffeuring him around, I'm sure he'll figure out how to get from Point A to Point B out of desperation and survival. He can do it just like anyone else. It's not the OP @stinkydogs97's responsibility to act as his chauffeur.

No, you can't fix this. It's time to go your separate ways.

Vengeance was a metaphor as building your own resolve. Sometimes these types of goals for oneself eclipses others so you'll have self satisfaction. It's part of healing and recovery and it really does work. Healthy distractions are very good so you can move on towards a positive direction. 🙂

Yes, that's true. Uber or Lyft is an option. Or, train, bus, etc.

Anytime a person is adamant about no longer interacting with you, their decision is unwavering and steadfast. There is nothing you can do about it except keep moving forward and living your best life. I've found that whenever life or relationships had gone awry whether it was planned or unforeseen, if you want vengeance for yourself, you make your life better whether it be economically rising above everyone else, surrounding yourself with very moral people or improving your lot in life in all areas. It is what I had done and it really does work. Take good care of yourself because it will pay off for your brighter future. ☺️

I agree. Enabling will automatically exhaust the relationship. I wished I would've known back then what I know now but I bet everyone says that about their life. 🙄 Either accept a man for who he is warts and all or get out. You can't have it both ways. Either, or. It's the harsh reality of all relationships, marriages, friendships, relationships with relatives, in-laws and everyone. Any other way is like trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. See where that gets you. 😒 He's an imposition which doesn't make for a sound, content, harmonious relationship. Remaining in this type of burdensome arrangement and relationship is taxing and unreasonably inconvenient for you. ☹️

Follow other people's cues. If they're nice and reply nicely, then it's great. If you are ghosted, ignored, receive apathy, a terse written or verbal response, then back off. They're letting you know they're not interested in you at all. This is their message loud and clear which requires absolutely no interpretation nor translation whatsoever. I will go against the grain here. I think it was very kind of to wish him a 'happy birthday.' However, once you sense that people are either cold towards you or simply do not care what you've done in order to be considerate, this is the time when you need to not consider them very important either. What goes around comes around. I no longer believe in one way, unconditional kindness. Kindness should be mutual and a two-way street otherwise what is the purpose? 🙄 In my life, I've encountered people who don't share the same enthusiasm as much I do. It's ok though. Go with the flow. Or, don't even bother and keep moving on towards people who are nice to you and respond with common decency and common courtesy. Any other way is a waste of life.

I agree, get employment records from your employer and go to your local bank and open a bank account. Even though I hadn't rented an apartment in a long time and currently reside in a suburban house, I do remember having to prove employment, credit history check and on the application form itself, I listed my local bank. Perhaps times have changed and a bank statement isn't necessary. Nonetheless, if the landlord insists upon a bank statement, it couldn't hurt to open up a new account and present your bank statement if you want to become a tenant sooner. Hope it works out for you! 🙂

I've learned years ago that there's a difference between wishful thinking, hope and accepting a person for who they are whether you like them or not; whether you agree with them or not. I have several schools of thought on this. I've heard it all about "nobody's perfect, blah, blah, blah," "accept the good in everyone," "do you want to be right or happy?" <=== I believed that mantra until fairly recently, "oh I can change him; it will get better / just remain patient" and all the typical platitudes and then some. Sure, you can have the patience of a saint and pray about it. I hope it works in your favor. However, based upon my experience, you either keep the peace by accepting how they are and the situation you're in or you bail with your exit strategy. You can argue until you're blue in the face if you prefer taking this route. However, be prepared. You will be worn down eventually and there's a very strong possibility of losing the argument and not getting your way anyway. What was it all for? Was it worth it? It really depends upon how much time and energy do you have? How much money do you have? Are you willing to play chauffeur for who knows how long? Indefinitely? What about gas, wear 'n tear on your car, car insurance, your time and energy? Is it limitless? It's not about him helping pay. It's about you constantly helping him when you could be doing other things just like a normal person and being with a person who is responsible for his own transportation needs whether his own car or public transportation. Many times, in order to have peace and harmony, one person in the relationship has to be the dominant one and the other one is inferior if expectations for changes for the better are low to nil. One person dictates how the relationship will be while the other person forever acquiesces. The real question here is are you willing to tolerate and endure it at this rate? These are the type of hard questions you need to ask yourself. Once you determine how much of yourself you're willing to give without fruition, then there is your answer. You either stay, put up and shut up or the relationship is doomed for failure. As long as you're realistic, you'll make your decision.

You can't change him. Either accept him as is or there is the door. It's your choice.

Me too! Don't forget the butter! 😋

Makes me grateful to be married to a husband who has no qualms about whose car is whose. We have keys to every car and we drive them. If one car is not there, there is a back up car. No one gets into a snit over this. If one car is low on gas, the other car is driven and vice versa. There are no conditions about occasions. Both cars are driven regularly by whomever even if daily or at random. It's not necessarily on occasion only. It's at our disposal. ☺️ Both cars are maintained in mint condition, too.

OP, @Snowed23 Let him drive his stinkin' car while you drive yours. However, just know that all is not wonderful in peaceful land. Just because you acquiesce doesn't make for a warm marriage. There will be a part of your heart which will turn frosty which is something deep inside you. You may not even show it or it may inadvertently be hard to miss at any time. You can hide how you feel to the best of your ability. In other words, something is missing. Unfortunately, that's the part that dies. For your sake, I hope everything is wonderful in wonderful land but once there's a divide, you can't erase hard feelings no matter how hard you try. It doesn't mean it's impossible though; just harder. I'm not you but I wouldn't like to be in a marriage where I'm not allowed to drive my husband's car if it's available whereas mine is not and it does happen such as during maintenance and repairs time, emergencies or urgent matters. Or, if he needs me to do something for him if he's sick and my car is out of commission but no, I can't drive his car to help him because I'm not granted his permission to do so. It will take longer but you can always take public transportation and if you can't afford it, you have two legs to walk everywhere plus it's good exercise to lose weight.

No deals.

Acquiesce or share. Since OP, you know your husband won't budge regarding your not having his permission to drive his car, know that when your backup car is unavailable in an event of an emergency or when you need to help him, remind him that his car is off limits to you. Yeah, the in-law situation is an imposition and burdensome because it is unreasonable. Not that the elderly should be relegated to nursing homes but it's a lot to lean on the younger generation while they have their own children to take care of and households to run. As for not sharing the car, it's your marriage and if you have to be married to a guy who refuses to share "his" car with you, then you have no choice but to acquiesce. Have a Plan B should your car be unavailable to you due to unforeseen circumstances because asking your husband's permission to use his car is hopeless. Walk, hire Uber, bum a ride off from a friend or neighbor, hire a taxi, take public transportation such as a bus, train and know no means no. I'm sorry you're hosed. I have a feeling you'll have to figure out what to do in the event of an emergency or urgent matter. I'm sure you will.