Kaienna

It kind of sounds like this guy wants a relationship with you without having to put much effort into it. And he has now turned verbally abusive, which is a huge red flag, one that I personally ignored for many months in my past relationship and things only escalated and became worse. Honey, I know you love him, but it seems like you have a guy on your hands that a) doesn't seem interested in putting effort into your relationship in order to move it forward b) is very hard to communicate with. Geez, you had a concern, and he became completely irrational about it c) has now turned verbally abusive towards you, and really, for what reason?? This guy is kind of hanging himself, in my opinion. I know it hurts when your heart is so wrapped up in someone, but he is giving you distinct clues as to who he is. Is this someone you truly feel is worth chasing after again, someone you can maintain a loving relationship with in the future? Or is this guy going to leech off your heart and slowly chip it away until there is nothing left? I am on day two of no contact with my ex, whom I love to death. He is also a highly sensitive person and we have shared some breathtakingly beautiful moments together. But after instance after instance of verbal abuse and irrational reactions from him, I've finally found the strength to put my foot down and say, I feel I deserve better. I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who makes me feel safe, secure and loved. I deserve to be with someone who doesn't attack my weaknesses or verbally belittle me. In my opinion, you deserve the same. But ultimately, it is only a judgement you can make.

I am on day two of no contact with my ex and it hurts like hell, but I also believe this is for the best, for both of us. We've gone through a very turbulent relationship in the past three or four months and have inflicted some very deep scars on each other. I'm here to support anyone who is also having problems maintaining no contact with the person they love. Remember, this is a self healing time for yourself. Embrace it as much as possible and I personally will be trying to find myself again, while slowly putting the pieces of my heart back together. If anyone wants to talk, please don't hesitate to pm me. Many of us are in a very lonely place right now. It feels good to know that we are not alone.

Yes, I have, and sadly it just never worked out. My ex and I are both very passionate people who have brought each other to heaven and to hell, and he became more and more verbally abusive as the relationship progressed. Both of our emotions are very tangled in each other right now so I've enacted a strict no contact policy to give myself time to heal from this. It's very difficult when you love someone, and your heart says one thing while your common sense and brain scream another. To answer your question, I love him very much, but taking him back is condoning his abusive behaviour and I just can't allow that anymore. So that is what prevents me from considering taking him back again.

Hi everyone. I just wanted to give an update on my situation. I've tried to slowly ease myself away from this guy, although it's been hard because my emotions are all tangled up in things. Anyway, he bought me a baby rose bush for Valentine's, one that needs to be cultivated in order to grow. I (foolishly) called him up to thank him, and we spent the day and night together. Not even 48 hours later and we were in another fight, in which he told me he hoped I choked on my flowers. Sigh. This is the last time I am letting him affect my heart this way, it will be strict no contact from here on out. Do you guys mind if I turn to you once in a while for support with this? I've kept my baby rose bush and it has become somewhat symbolic for me. I will water and nurture it carefully, and hope that the roses will blossom one day, and that I will blossom with it, will have put the pieces of my soul back together and have found myself once again after this traumatic relationship. Thank you everyone for taking the time to write your opinions and replies.

thank you everyone for your replies. it makes me feel not so alone in this. we've been together a little over three months now. there have been so many times when i've wanted to turn to my family and friends and say, i think i'm in a abusive relationship, but i don't know if i am or not ... i havent been eating or sleeping properly. when we are apart i miss our special moments together, but they are also in the past. i could maybe understand his behaviour a little better if i was divorcing him and stealing all his money and property and taking his kids away. but i've only ever walked out on him because his behavior scared me, because he was making me feel small and insignificant. he says i do it to myself, and he can't stand the way i look at things. i feel traumatized right now actually. it feels better writing all this and releasing it somehow. how have i allowed myself to stay in this situation? i need to stay away. i see more clearly now that this relationship is not healthy for either of us. what should i say to him? he is going to get so angry and verbally abusive again.

i think that i've become so desensitized to the harsh way hes treated me, i've come to expect it. There's so many other hellish moments, i can't imagine why i stay with him! but then for every horrible hellish moment there is a magical one too ... like the night we stayed up all night chatting and counting the stars, or when we went camping and shared our first kiss, or the night we fell asleep in each other's arms next to a waterfall. when he holds me in his arms at night it is very tender and loving. in those moments when i look into his eyes, i do feel a love pass between us. he has had many sexual partners before me but never pressures me for sex, he says he wants the moment to be perfect for me too. yet at a whim he can get angry and throw a tantrum, almost like a child! he is just so impossible and he can be very, very verbally abusive. he told me once when he was angry that he didn't just dislike me, he despised me. he says the meanest things and when i tell him he's being cruel, he says he is only speaking the truth. he said he wanted to see me fight for our love harder, that all he ever saw was me running away, or not showing emotion to him properly. when i tell him he is hurting me and that i need to walk away from this, he says, how can you walk away from something you claim you love so easily? Then he calls my love a sham. i feel like a hamster running in a wheel right now. I feel so horribly confused. someone who loves somebody wouldn't treat them like this, right? why is he doing this? is it an issue of control? is he incredibly insecure?

When my boyfriend and i got together three months ago, we both used to go out on occasion to drink. One night I had a little too much to drink and he did something that made me feel angry, so I unleashed on him with the help of the alcohol. (I am usually very timid and bottle it all up inside). Ever since then he has given up alcohol and expects me to give it up as well. Now, I know my limits and I agree that drinking in access is a stupid and silly move. But I also do not see anything wrong with casual drinking, or having a glass of wine with my girlfriends at dinner, and I've told him this. He said, no, you give up alcohol or i wont be with you anymore. I fought and pleaded with him to compromise because I didnt feel he was being fair. He refused to give in, saying that if i chose alcohol over him, he didnt want to be with me. In tears i finally gave in. Later i hear him talking about wanting to take Ectasy (sp?). What is going on here? I give up alcohol for him and now he is wanting to do drugs? Is he manipulating me? I care about him very much, but if i hear one more time, 'if you really loved me you'd do this for me', i will scream! we share different views on alcohol, i see nothing wrong with drinking in moderation and now he despises it and expects me to as well. should i put my foot down on this one? he makes me feel like an alcoholic though when i try to make my points to him