MetalJoe

I've had female friends all my life and my best friends have always tended to be women - I guess because I find it easier to talk with them than most blokes. I've not had any of those thoughts towards most of them (or vice-versa), which surprises most guys I know, although I have asked out a couple of female friends over the years - but nothing ever ended up happening.

We all have something about our bodies we don't like. I spent my school and university years wearing several dozen layers of clothing to hide my skinny body - I used to overheat each summer! I eventually realised the only person who noticed was me. If you feel it's a problem, then waxing or laser treatment is the way to go, but to be honest most guys won't be that bothered. Don't let it hold you back from making a close relationship - any boyfriend worth his weight in gold will find it a non-issue.

I'm sorry, but the guy sounds like a total jerk. I agree with DragonGirl - get rid of this loser and find yourself someone decent who respects you. I know it's tough to do, but you have to do it.

I do, yep.

Lots of things in life are daunting until you try them. Three or four years ago, I had trouble talking in front of one or two people or going to an unfamiliar place. I used to avoid public speaking or difficult situations. This year I spent three weeks teaching groups of teenagers to snowboard (in Australia of all places). If you're interested when you get a car, there are plenty of places to learn in the UK and snowboarders and skiers are a sociable lot. Let me know if you need more info in the future.

Eye contact and a good smile are vital - even before you've said a single word to someone or even approached them. Keep both during a conversation. I usually get the talk going with a question, then introduce myself. Snowboarding's my big passion and I meet a lot of people at my local slope or when I'm abroad: "Hey, how do you find that board? How long have you been riding?" and then "I'm MetalJoe" and shake hands with a smile and eye contact. I instruct part time so I have to meet lots of new people, most of whom are very nervous, find out all about them pretty quickly and remember their names. Not bad for someone who used to be terrified of talking to even one person, let alone a group! Read up about body language as that's very important - subtly mirror people's posture to help with rapport, and don't force yourself into someone's personal space too early. As has already been mentioned - ask questions and pay attention to what that person is saying. You can actually get away with saying very little to someone except a couple of good questions and they will leave thinking they've had a really great conversation with you.

I forgot to ask the most important question... ...what happened next?

I wouldn't say that was playing hard to get, especially since you responded straight away when he e-mailed. It's playful, but not playing hard to get.

Bah! Santa gets all the luck!

At school, allmy friends were the guys who no one else would talk to - we were united by our "uncoolness" and refusal to conform or bow to peer pressure. That was fine at the time and they were great people to know. We kept in touch when we all went to different unis, but eventually we drifted apart because, frankly, we didn't really have much in common. A few years ago, I realised I had friends, but no one local. If I wanted to drop by a friend's house or meet up for a drink (non-alcoholic cos I'm teetotal) I'd have to drive for an hour or two. Not much fun really. I'd also been wracked by panic attacks over the years, so my social life and self-esteem were pretty low anyway - I'd spend a lot of time hiding in my room. Anyway, my social life was kickstarted by an ex-gf of mine - she introduced me to snowboarding and things took off from there. I've met lots of people in the UK who do it, through a web discussion forum and weekly trips to my local slope, as well as around the world. Where am I going with this? Clubs and interest groups are great places to meet people. In particular, take the plunge and try something different - find a dryslope or snowdome near you and take ski or board lessons, go to a language course at your local college, find a local group that shares an interest or, here's an idea, start your own! Take yourself out of the comfort zone and into an unfamiliar situation. Heck, you've done the scary part already by posting your woes here...

Bravo! I made that decision a few years back after I realised how much time I had wasted and how boring, frustrating and soul-destroying it was. The women who play games often turn out to be selfish, uninteresting, mixed up or lacking in self-esteem. The ones I've met who don't go in for all the game playing have proved to be more attractive, confident, intelligent and generally "the best apples" (if you insist upon using a fruit analogy). Unfortunately, they're also the ones who are more in demand ;-) Life's too short to waste time and effort with all the psychological games and deceit. Call me old-fashioned but it would be nice to see a bit more honesty, fun and romance!

It varies depending on who and how. From personal experience things such as not calling or not returning calls/e-mails, refusing to talk on the phone for long, avoidance - refusing to meet up again for long periods of time or always making excuses/changing plans, being aloof, indifferent or distant, being overly critical or complaining, never taking the initiative, being quiet or uncommunicative, flirting then "taking it back" or flirting with other guys while on a date, never being honest about feelings/emotions... yadda yadda. Essentially making things difficult, putting up barriers and showing signs which say "not interested".

Yup, a lot of us Brits do it - either between school and university, or in the year after graduating uni. I didn't take up the chance back then because it didn't seem like the right time and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I finally got around to doing it this year, a mere 7 years after graduating. I quit my software development job back in April and headed over to Australia, where I spent a few weeks as a snowboard instructor (yeah, you read that correctly) and then a snow bum for a couple more months before trekking around the outback. I had a great time and don't regret doing it at all, even though I'm back in the UK now with no job or money ;-) If you're going to take a year out - plan it! Don't take it to chance because it's very easy to spend the year doing nothing productive - I know friends who did just that. Use the time to travel, try new things, learn more about the world and other cultures. If you're into snowboarding or skiing, head off to a mountain on the other side of the world for a season - if you've never tried it before, now's the chance! Put the year to good use, because you're young and you probably don't have any real commitments right now - you might not get the chance in the future.

I'm tall and lanky too, but I have to say that I tend to prefer shorter women with some curves. I say "tend to" because it depends on the woman.

Take the compliment for what it is, and don't think so much! It could be that he felt shy about saying it to begin with. I must confess, there are times when I've been cautious telling a woman I felt she was beautiful because sometimes women don't take compliments for what they are.

Agreed. If I don't know where I stand, it's frustrating and eventually I question her sincerity and whether I'm just being used. I suspect a lot of gameplayers are pretty insecure and feel they need to encourage the chase to boost their self-esteem or put up barriers to avoid opening up to someone. The best relationships I've been involved with have been honest from the very beginning - both sides knew where they stood. The worst have involved the wondering and game playing. Most of my friends are married or in long-term relationships and none of them, to my knowledge, played the "hard to get" game.

Nope. In fact, it's a serious turn-off for me. From experience, if a women plays "hard to get" then she's either not interested or just playing games.

First post from me, found the forum totally by accident... It happens a lot and it really annoys me. I've had the old "can we just be friends", the "I don't see you that way" or the "I think it's best we don't see each other again/for a while". The worst example is that of the last date I went on (heh, don't ask when!). It was a blind date and we got on really well, or so I thought. We laughed and talked almost all day, she even took me lingerie shopping (I kid you not). At the end of the date, she gave me a hug and a kiss and said she'd had a great time and that we should do it again. I phoned a couple of days later to arrange something and she told me that she didn't want to see me again. The friend who set us up was at a loss as to what had happened. From past experience, playing "hard to get" means "not interested". I've learnt the hard way and won't repeat the mistake again.