Milly2005

Ebola: Do you belong to a church? Sometimes they have support groups that help with this kind of thing. I would ask a pastor or something and describe what is going on. If your not religious maybe local divorce support group??? Like something at link removed there are alot of people who like to actually talk this stuff out in person, and if you go through it with other people in your area you might find it to be easier and you can help each other.

If sex is mind over matter cant you just find a really nice friendly person and just marry them and think sexy thoughts and make the whole bed situaion work?

No I already am guilty of that. There was one guy that I was truly turned on just to be around. I really fell for him and probably would have melted if he just touched me (which I often thought about )- We both liked each other but he was my boss so nothing ever could happen. I can't think about him without thinking of sex- anyways yes, i have impure thoughts and they are dangerous because they mask more important issues so I try to abstain. Isnt it true though that when you have sex with someone you give them a piece of you? I mean does it feel that way? A piece you can never get back? I guess its all fair if everyone is equally jaded. Maybe it is more freakish than special... In fact, now i have a question for the guys: If you were say, late 20s (so experienced in this department) and you were very interested in a girl but found out she was a virgin (Id like to find someone mid 20s) would you still date her? Lets just for argument sakes say she is really gorgeous and everything else is perfect, but she is a virgin... would that scare you away? Be respectable? Make you feel like she was judging you? something esle?

What?!? Why do it? Maybe just because it feels sexier to be with someone?

true, but I could repent of impure thoughts, whereas I can't get rid of a baby if i get pregnant. but I am kind of scared because it could be years before I find mr. right (certainly not in the mood to seriously date now), and I am not going to get any more attractive as the years go by.

i am actually 21 and still a virgin. This is only because of religion, I was actaully engaged for a while where we did "everything but." I have long masturbated, but externally (like stimulating the clit) and not internally. My ex tried putting his fingers inside me like sex, but I didn't even get close to orgasm. It just felt different. I can orgasm very quickly externally, but I am worried that when I do have sex it just wont work since it will be inside. You girls who said you have been masturbating since 11, was sex better than masturbation? Or where you putting something inside you? Do you think that I will probably not be able to ever orgasm through sex if i couldnt by fingering? Or is sex different somehow? Your all right though, girls just dont talk about this, it is a shame, i think we could help each other if we weren't so embarrassed. Thanks

Ebola- A lot of people have talked about working out. I think this is good in part because you feel so good about something you have done and it adds something good to a dark world... On the flip side, I think we all would like to let life slip by right now. I know my prob. is work... but what we do when we start letting things like bills, the Christmas tree, things like that slip by is that we create MORE to be depressed about. This is the same with overeating, or alchoholism, etc. For right now, try to be strong and make yourself proud. Think of every choice as a deposit in the negative or positive bank, because right now EVERY choice is. Watch tv, or clean, etc. Little things pile up and the last thing you need is more problems or stress at a time like this. Could your kids go to your parents house for Christmas? Maybe there are some people that might be willing to help you out in little ways so you can get through without getting behind. God Bless, it is a very hard journey but you pack the bags (later your baggage...)

If you want to go ahead with this, invite your friend out to coffee today and talk to her as gently and rationally as you can tryinging not to make accusatory statements.

If the guy is not in town long, is this just a fling for him? If he is leaving town and you are in school- long distance relationships tend not to last. So if this relationship doesn't have any legs... why risk a friendship for it. If for some reason this is more than a fling I would consider sitting down and talking with your friend very nicely and logically. If she knows he is such a great guy and he likes you, why doesnt she give you let you be happy? Further- if she likes him- why doesnt she let HIM be happy since he likes you. Only have the talk with her if you think the relationship is going to last. Otherwise its not worth it. God Bless, you have some tough choices.

You know i can almost say that I can relate to the girl here. I mean I just broke up with someone and all I want to do is be around them. It is such a burning need. I miss him so much (as much as he misses me probably). Yet when think of us getting together I am pretty sure it would be wrong. I don't toy with him, I try not to see him. But here is the thing: she might just be confused. Call her on it. If you know why you broke up ask how those reasons have changed and if there is any chance of a future. If not, tell her she needs to separate and heal so that you can. What is her relationship w/ her father like, and family? Maybe she is trying to get out of you what she doesnt have from a family. You are there and so supportive and adoring, and everyone needs that, but you need to clarify if she wants you in that capacity (which would be platonic support) or if she wants a bf. If you can handle being there for her w/out being her bf, great, but don't be afraid of telling her she needs to get that elsewhere. You have to be healthy and heal too. Beware: if she says she wants a platonic relationship and wants support and you want to be there as a friend... just be careful that you dont ever let it go further. I think I got into my situation because I needed this guy around for comfort and knew he wanted me as a girlfriend so I kind of "sold" myself there because I needed him so. Just some advice from a girl whose on the flip side. It hurts on both sides.

Thanks for your advice I know that he deserves someone who is as crazy about him as he is about me, that is part of the reason I broke up w/ him. He is a truly great person. My question is more of, is it normal to grieve so much when you are the one breaking up the relationship? I miss him so so so much and am really depressed now. Yet if i go back there will still be the two issues of: should I work for a living, and why didn't i feel attracted to him (chemistry wise). I thought he was cute as in darling, and sweet- but there just wasnt the other stuff. A last issue is that my dad was a rough (abusive) guy, and one that was very intense and fast paced. Nic was super slow paced, so part of me thinks that is the attraction thing. I wanted a more passionate person. It scares me that that means I might end up w/ an abusive person.

background: I have been dating a guy for the last 4 years (we were seniors in highschool when we got together). He is the only guy I have ever dated, so I dont know much about relationships. When we got together it was because I was too shy to tell him I didn't like him and he was very persistent despite all the hints I gave him. I wasn't even really attracted to him, but because stuff at home was bad I really appreciated having someone to talk to. He is a really strong Christian and his faith was comforting. When I left home, he was really the only person in my life that really cared- in a true sincere unconditional way. Yet, I still didn't like him like a bf. Because I needed that love he gave me I just became his girlfriend like he wanted. I must say, i was only attracted to how much he loved me. He was so amazingly sweet. He would do everything for me, he cooked dinner, cleaned, just anything and everything. Every single day my first year of college he drove 1 1/2 hours and brought me a rose to school. We are talking about an amazing guy. Eventually he proposed and I said yes. In my mind I was thinking "shouldn't I be more excited then this?" I felt a sense of doom. I guess I always wanted a guy that I fell in love with and had all those go to the moon feelings with. Recently I broke off the relationship. Much to my surprise I am very very depressed. I don't know if it is because I really did love him more than I realized or what. Another big issue was that he wants a wife that doesnt work (he makes a lot of money) and I have always been a very ambitious person who had dreams of my own. Now: When I am away from him I just want him again. When I think of my dreams, I just think "whats it all for, who cares." When he is around I feel empowered and energized to go do my dreams and live life- without him. Isn't that weird? It is like I can't go live my dreams with out his support, yet if he is there I can't go live my dreams. Should I just try to get over him, or am I ignoring signals that we should be together? advice welcomed! I have never broken up with anyone....