Girly

I do appreciate all the replys...and thank you so much for the support. I am doing better under the circumstances. I went to his site the other day and "yelled" at him, if you can call it that...It helped quite a bit. Even though I know there was no possibility of a response, it made me feel better being able to express what it was like to see him laying there in the street. It was the first time I actually acknowledged that he was really gone-I believe I was in a state of shock and denile. The little things are the hardest....like, the other day I was scrolling through my phone list on my cell, and I came accross his name knowing if I called that number, he wouldn't be there to answer the other end; his screen name popped up the other day on my aim....my heart just dropped-his sister was going on line using his computer and he had it set up to log him on automatically. Things like that are just little reminders that make it so impossible to put memories of him behind me...well, like I said before, thank you so much for the support.

Not even a month ago I was on the phone with a friend of mine (I'll refer to him as J) designating a time for me to drive him home; J had been drinking and knew he was incapable of driving. A few minutes after we hung up, he called me back to tell me a friend of his showed up saying he was sober and offered him a ride home. When I insisted on coming anyway, J convinced me to let his other friend take him seeing how he was already there and I was still home in bed. I hesitated quite a bit, but he assured me that he'd call when he got home. (From where he was to where he lives would take about 15-20 min. driving). About 10 min. later he called me so I answered saying "I know you're not home yet..." laughing thinking he was going to talk to me on his way home just to be silly. I said that only to hear someone elses voice, an unfamiliar voice.... when I asked who it was all I got was, "you don't know me, I just called the number last used on this phone. I just witnessed an accident....I'm on so and so street." I asked the unfamiliar voice to wait there....I don't live too far away. When I got there, the car was wrapped around a pole. The person driving J home was in the right hand lane and a semi was in the middle lane. The semi turned to the RIGHT cutting them off. They slammed into the tail end of the semi, spun out and wrapped around a pole. J was dead at the scene...the friend driving, was drunk. Here is my question: how do I explain it was my fault for not picking him up? I know that wouldn't have happened if I had told him I'd be there anyway and just go get him. I was at his funeral a week or so ago and broke down of guilt.... All I get from everyone is, "you couldn't have possibly known that guy wasn't sober....don't beat yourself over it" That's not what I want....because regardless of how many times people say that to me, I'll always know that my best friends death is at least partly my fault.... and I'm not going to blame someone else for my faults.

Hun: I know this seems close to the end of the world right now, but when you two get older, you will definitely see the humor in this. I have a few suggestions and take which ever is more comfortable. You can talk to your g/f to get an insite of how her Mom felt and thought about this; that tends to make it a little easier to approach her mom-knowing how she feels. Or you could just go to her Mom and let her know that you were very embarrassed about what happened; and not just embarrassed for yourself, but for her and for her daughter as well. Then just ask her how you can make things right....well, goodluck.

How old are you? Are you in high school? Where in New Zealand are you? I could probably point you in the right direction of which places people your age hang out. Give me a bit to work with and I'll help you best I can. I know how terribly hard it is to give up friends and ones you care so much about... I'm a millitary brat...as soon as I made a friend it was time to leave again-- I finally moved back to my Mom's and staying in one place for high school and college...it's been so stabalizing for me. I know how you feel and I promise, it gets so much better. When you walk into your first class, show CONFIDENCE! And I completely agree with the response above... if you know about a few places, at least it's a start....you could even use it as a prompt for a conversation--ask a student what it's about, if it's a "cool" place to hang out at, if not, where is? Don't worry about making new friends right now, that'll come in time; work on settleing yourself in your new home right now.

I can speak with recent experience. My ex and I broke up a few months ago because of a lot of confussion and he let it get the better of him, so he decided to call it quits and I just gave up....wasn't going to fight it anymore; it was too painful. We decided to be friends and the first evening he came over we ended up being intimate-he took that as a sign of getting back together. I, however, am happy with the way my life fell right back into place; going out with my friends, focusing a little more on my school work, and I feel so much better about taking an internship that's coming up. Point here is: I regret being intimate because it was like breaking up all over again. Usually when people break up and get back together, they fall into this trap of going back to old habbits, etc. It becomes a routine: break up, back together, break up, back together. There's no end to that circle. And most of the time you end up loosing so much of yourself. I've done it before and I saw myself falling back into that this last time. I feel lucky to have caught it now so I can stop it...doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but it's better to look at the long term vs. the here and now satisfaction. Of course I love him, I always will. I believe once you love someone, they will always be special to you. After all, they have influenced your life one way or another whether you like it or not. The thing about the wedding I"d be a little weery about because a wedding is a sensual ceremony and I know sometimes can make people think things and intamacy usually is what the end of the evening leads up to if there's any history of that between the person you go with. THere's my thoughts for now....

Biz: Not to sound bossy....but under any circumstance, do not give in and call! If you call and end up going to dinner with her, she will do one of two things: put on a front showing you how well she's doing (which will be a stab in the back) or she'll tell you how much of a mistake she's made...which, from the sounds of it, I'm going with choice one. Sorry kido. I don't want this to come accross as mean or hurtful...I'm just trying to be honest. Reason I think that's her intent is because I've seen it many times...in fact, years ago, my girls and i would have girls nights and talk about how we did this to our ex's...so first hand. (Not that I'm proud of it, though that was a long time ago too). When you asked if you should answer or just ignore her calls..I know that time has passed, but for future reference...just answer and be upfront with her. Explain: give me some time to think...I will contact you when I feel I'm ready to talk. Until then, I need you to respect my wishes. When a guy doesn't answer, tends to make a girl more persistent on finding out why...makes her mind wander. Just a girl's perspective on the situation. Good luck. I'll be around-drop me a line sometime. ~Bre