switchbladeromance

Hmm... I feel dumpee doing NC would more make the dumper think; 1. That you are fine - which would either be what they wanted (glad you aren't hurting) or they be thinking that you don't care anymore, when they still might... 2. That you aren't contacting cause you are really hurt and dislike them for what they have done... Well those are just some things I have thought when someone has initiated NC with me... All of which would make me less likely to get in contact with them.

It is less when more if...

Hello need any insight - lotsa reading im afraid… Ok, goin out bout 3 months, first 2 great, fall madly in love. About 2 month ago she moves back home for the summer to work. So she is now a 2 hour train journey away and works 6 days a week so I am only really able to see her one evening a week, till she returns. Bout 5 weeks ago we decided that it would be great to book a holiday in Sept, was really excited. Last time saw her (3 weeks ago) she seemed a bit ackward n said something was on her mind. She accidently sends me a txt ment for her bestfriend sayin that she doesn't think she feels the same about me n some other stuff. So I manage to see her and confront her about the txt sayin we should talk. She says is really confused n needs time to think, maybe a break. That she has felt like this for a month n been down. Says she does still love me but not sure if she wants a bf just now and feels she has changed. Said if we to go on holiday she needs time to sort herself out and phone me next day when she has had some sleep n less hormone-y Get a text from that night sayin she is so sorry she doesn't understand what is goin on in her head and that it isn't me, I haven't done anything wrong and she hates herself just now. Get a txt next day sayin she is "goin out so she can't really call later *hug*" I managed give her a call as I just needed to say what I thought, that I think things havent changed but it is normal when you are away from someone you first time, to have feelings that you aren't sure if you feel the same as u did, cause of the sudden change from seeing lots to hardly any. I said I was sure it would get better when she moved back in couple of months and she would see that when we spend time together if we go on holiday. She said maybe. I said we shouldn't go on a break but if she needed time I would give her some NC time, as I wasn't gonna let her slip thru my fingers like that. But she says that we need to break up for now. She sounds upset. I send her a text later sayin I just needed to phone earlier as it would be on my mind if i didnt. That I would let her have time to sort stuff out. I added at the end to a sweet thing that she had once said about us and to remember that. Get a text back sayin not to say that as it will make her sad (the bit I added at the end) and that she had changed and was sorry. She phoned couple of days later about something (immaterial - not to do with us) but we chatted for quite a bit, non relationship. She asked me to call back a bit later, we chatted more, she asked if I had been seeing anyone else - no, if I was happier apart - no, if i missed her - yes and that she missed me, said we would speak soon. Texted her next day - about the immaterial thing she originally phoned about n some random stuff followed by kisses. So she gets in contact with me about a week later. Txts me as she upset - she had just had a big argument wit her parents. They say there is no way she is going on the holiday we had booked if we ain't seein eachother . I give her a phone to discuss what to do, we chat away well as usual. I ask her if she was actually planning to go on the holiday - she says definatly and was really looking forwards to it, she said she had wondered if it would be a bit weird tho. I say I think it would be fine whichever way things swung in the end - I think we could still have a great holiday. Suggest meeting up with her and do something – to check we get on ok. But she says she thinks it is maybe too soon as she still feels she needs to be alone and she really busy... So I say ok thats fine think about it and the offer stands. She texts me next day sayin she is really down about the holiday and she really needs one. I reply sayin her parents can't stop her, but that might not be the best idea. You could always lie to your parents and say we are together just so you can go on holiday. Get a message next day sayin "no, i'm not going on holiday. too weird, I can't. I'm not going to go." (Did she need to tell me 3 times in one txt…) I didn't reply to that, that was 4 days ago. It's strange, it is almost starting to feel like I am the one who broke it off! I don't even know why we split up!

What are people's views on luck/bad luck, do you believe there is such a thing? I think I am cursed or something... In the past week so many bad things have happened and just when things are looking up something else happens... Me and gf split up, My mum has to go into hospital and get an operation, I get stomach bug, I injure my back, My (ex)gf's parents say she cant go on holiday with me, I loose getting a place on a uni course, My (ex)gf says she won't go on our holiday, My few options of other people to go on holiday can't... I am surprisingly upbeat but I feel astho I am going crazy and this isn't real... Interestingly on sunday a girl I know dropped a necklace, I picked it up and held onto it for her. I go to give her it back and she says she doesn't want it back as it brought her lots of bad luck. Even though I don't really believe in luck I destroyed the necklace last night...

Ahhh much more confused now... I don't even really know why she broke up with me - then again I don't know if she knows either.

Hi all, have a read of my earlier situation below, link removed So she gets in contact with me. Txts me as she upset - she had just had a big argument wit her parents. They say there is no way she is going on the holiday we had booked if we ain't seein eachother - thinks bad things would happen. (Very protective dad...) I give her a phone to discuss what to do, we chat away well as usual. I ask her if she was actually planning to go on the holiday - she says definatly and was really looking forwards to it, she said she had wondered if it would be a bit weird tho. I say I think it would be fine whichever way things swung in the end - I am friends with almost all my exs and I think we could still have a great holiday. Suggest meeting up with her and do something - with no hidden intentions, to see how we get on. But she says she thinks it is maybe too soon as she still feels she needs to be alone and she really busy... So I say ok thats fine think about it and the offer stands. I said we will need to work out something about the holiday and I would speak to her soon. She texts me next day sayin she is really down about the holiday and she really needs one. I reply sayin "I need one too, I don't know what to do. You are 19, your parents can't stop you, but that might not be the best idea. You could always lie to your parents and say we are together just so you can go on holiday" Get a message today sayin "no, i'm not going on holiday. too weird, I can't. I'm not going to go." (Did she need to tell me 3 times in one txt - psychoananalyse that) It's strange. I am the one who should think it would be weird. I am the one who should sound upset on the phone. It is almost starting to feel like I am the one who broke it off!!!

Well I am using that experience in reverse on my current relationship. With regards to initiating contact in these circumstances sometimes they feel they need a specific reason to contact you even though they are just wantin a chat. If they don't have one they might be hoping you would call - not everyone is power hungry and wanting you on a leash

While thinking over past relationships, I wondered what you guys think of this. This happened to me about half a year ago, After being confronted about what was wrong, I said to my (ex)gf that I needed time to think about things, "a break" to realise what I wanted. But she said she needed to know that night, bad idea, being pressurised I just broke it off. If she had said ok that's fine then went NC with me I would have presumed she was NCing as was hurt and no longer interested. If she had said ok that's fine then turned the heat down let things be cool, be in contact occasionally, friendly, flirty but not pressurising me or all emotional, I prob would have realised what I really wanted. Some time alone is fine to sort out your head, but too much time you start to forget what they are like, so forget reasons why you would be with them. So anyways what actually happened after the break up is, that cause of having mutual friends, our paths crossed occasionaly. We chatted, I was a bit ackward as thought she was hurt, but because of the way she presented herself (confident, friendly) it was good - I did find myself still attracted to her. This happened a few times, also met up and we watched a movie together. In the end we decided to leave it and just be friends as she was moving to a different country in a couple of weeks. What I am trying to say is I think advice is all to often it is "NC! NC! NC!" There is plenty of situations I have read on this board where I think limited, friendly conversation would have worked better than NC as long as you are calm and incontrol of your emotions (on the outside anyway ) What are people's opinions?

Haha that is like just as long as as we have been goin out! In the end I decided to not contact her.

I am not planning to "continue contacting her" Just like one message - txt or letter only saying that I still love her and havn't just forgotten about her... A friend of her's reckons I should... BUT, I crave opinions! so more from people please Mmmmm opinions yum

Hi! Me and my gf have been on a break(break up, whatever - the point is we arent seeing eachother just now) just over a week now, she needed time to sort things out in her head about herself and what she wanted - that she did still love me but didn't know if she wanted a bf right now I at first reluctently accepted this, but since told her I understand that I need to give her time to think about things and accept that there is nothing I can do. She phoned on wed about something (immaterial - not to do with us) but we chatted for quite a bit, non relationship. She asked me to call back a bit later, we chatted more, she asked if I had been seeing anyone else - no, if I was happier apart - no, if i missed her - yes and that she missed me, said we would speak soon. Texted her next day - about the immaterial thing she originally phoned about n some random stuff followed by kisses. So the ball is really in her court to contact me next which is fine - I am just concerned that she knows I do still feel the same for her, as she sometimes insecure, seen from phonecall too... So do I contact her somehow just lettin her know I care n there for her which could result in pushing her further away and it ain't really giving her space alone or just wait for her to contact which could result in her thinkin I don't really care... Opinions everyone please!