goddess

I design cards for a couple of artists so it's no big deal for me to make a card, rather than buying one. It is enjoyable for me, and if they are unable to appreciate it, their loss. However, I would never stoop so low as to not send a card though. But, that's just me. Have a lovely day!

Thank you for the suggestion regarding the book. Yes, it does bother me that my 33 year old niece can't be bothered to acknowledge me. Annoying, but such is life.

Very true!

Thanks for you input, Seraphim. As I mentioned in my original post, I have sent gifts to my niece and nephew since they were born. My niece is now 33 and my nephew is 35, and I stopped sending gifts to her and her brother about 6 years ago when I realised that I never received some form of acknowledgment for years. My nephew and his wife had a baby in February, and I was so happy to receive a handwritten thank you note. A text would have sufficed. My niece (who had a second child in January), however, never bothered to send any form of acknowledgment when I sent a gift for new newborn and her 2.5 year old. I felt hurt, to be honest. Guess I should treat her as she treats me, without feeling bad or guilty. Why should I? Clearly, she doesn't feel the need to thank me. As I mentioned to Wiseman, I live about 5 hours away from my brother and his wife, and their kids and grandkids, and so I never see them in person. I sincerely don't expect anything in return, and I am happy to send the little ones gifts, but I still feel that some form of thank you from their parents would be greatly appreciated. What can I say? I guess I am old school and like common courtesy.

I am a card maker, a card designer and a colourist so I enjoy sending them a handmade card. I am not pressed for time, for sure! LOL I live alone and I have all the time in the world. I think I will do just that: send the 2.5 year old a birthday card and no money, or gift, etc. Why bother? They live about 5 hours away from me so I never see them in person. I have a really bad knee and travelling is very hard for me. So, if my niece does not appreciate my efforts, then to hell with her. Harsh, but's that's how I feel. I want to do the right thing but I don't want to be taken for a fool either.

Yes, I agree, Wiseman. It does hurt to not be acknowledged, especially these days when it's so easy to send a text or an email. How long does that take? A minute, if that long? As I mentioned to a couple of posters, I live about 5 hours away from my brother and his wife, and their kids and grandkids. I don't expect anything in return, and I am happy to send the little ones gifts, but I still feel that some form of thank you would be appreciated from their parents. What can I say? I guess I am old school and like common courtesy. I suppose I should treat them like they treat me but I hate to stoop to that level, but sometimes it's necessary. Thanks for your reply. xx

OMG, Cheryly, you understand exactly how I feel! "Quit being generous with your wallet. No more gifts, no more gifts of money, gift cards or whatever. Why reward ungrateful brats with gifts if they have no qualms ignoring you and never expressing their humble gratitude to you? Or, recipients who don't consistently and habitually thank you for anything you've given them? That deal is off the table. I'd walk if I were you." ^^^ Yes, well said. With all due respect, I will admit that I am quite generous when I send gifts and, since I am a cardmaker, a card designer, and a colourist" I take the time to create a handmade card for my every person in my family. I enjoy doing that. But, I feel like I am being taken for a fool when my niece (33) didn't bother to acknowledge the lovely gift that I sent to her newborn in January, and another gift to her 2.5 yr old child so that that child wouldn't feel jealous that her newborn sister received a gift and not her. It may sound immature but there are times that I am of the belief that if the parents can't be bothered to send a simple thank you text, then I shouldn't be bothered, or feel guilty, if I don't send a gift to her kids. That's the problem, I guess. I feel guilty when I shouldn't. As you mentioned, treat them the way they treat me. BTW, my brother and his wife, their kids and their grandkids live about 5 hours away from me. Thank you again for your feedback.

Thanks, Batya, for your thoughts. I used to send my niece and nephew Christmas gifts and gifts well into their late 20's. But, when they didn't bother to send an email or text for so many years, I felt rather annoyed and also hurt. Truly, how long does it take to send a thank you text? A minute? Guess I am old school, but a simple text would have gone a long way with me. I will definitely send them a handmade card but I'm not sure I will be sending a gift. My brother and his wife, and their kids and grandkids live about 5 hours away from me so I pretty much don't ever see them. I have never met my brother's grandkids. Unfortunately, I am not close to them. I do talk on the phone regularly with my brother and his wife.

Oh, I understand. However, as I mentioned to spinstermanquee, I live about 5 hours away from my brother and his wife, and their kids and grandkids. I don't expect anything in return, and I am happy to send the little ones gifts, but I still feel that some form of thank you would be appreciated from their parents. I have never met my brother's grandkids in person. I have a bad knee and am unable to take a train,a ferry and a taxi to visit with them. The last time I saw my brother and his family was when my brother's MIL died. And then COVID happened. I have not spoken on the phone to my niece or nephew in decades but I do talk with my brother and his wife.

Thanks for your reply. As I mentioned to spinstermanquee, I live about 5 hours away from my brother and his wife, and their kids and grandkids. I don't expect anything in return, and I am happy to send the little ones gifts, but I still feel that some form of thank you would be appreciated from their parents. What can I say? I guess I am old school and like common courtesy. IDK

Thanks for your feedback. My brother and his wife, and their kids and grandkids live about 5 hours away from me so I pretty much don't see them. I have never met my brother's grandkids. Unfortunately, I am not close to them. The grandkids are 2.5 yrs, 3 months and 1 month. I would have appreciated it if my niece had acknowledged my gifts to her kids (the 2.5 yr old and the 3 month old, when the 3 month old was born.)

Thank you for your feedback. I didn't mean to imply that the toddler should send a thank you' one of the parents should. I just think that some form of thank you would be proper etiquette. All I expect when I make an effort to send a gift, is a thank you but I'm wondering if I am being too sensitive and being taken for granted.

Hi everyone. This is a minor issue but I would like to get your feedback, please. I have been sending checks to my brother's now adult children since they were born for their birthdays and Christmas. When they were younger, their mother made sure they sent me thank you cards, which I appreciated. They continued to live with their parents well into adulthood because they were saving money. Good idea, for sure. However, I hadn't noticed that they hadn't sent me thank you notes (or texts) for about 5-6 years. That got me quite annoyed and I felt disrespected. That said, I stopped sending them checks. That was about 5-6 years ago. They since got married, ahey both had children. My nephew (35) had a child in February. My niece (33) has a 2.5 years old, and she gave birth again in January. My nephew (or should I say his wife) sent me a thank you note and an announcement. I, of course, sent them a gift (not a check) before the announcement. As I mentioned, my niece had her second baby in January. I sent her a gift for the baby plus a gift for the 2.5 year old. I have yet to receive a thank you, be it a card or text. I understand that announcements take time to print but this long? Don't think so. I also understand that she is busy with two kids but a little common courtesy would be appreciated. So, my question is: do I send a gift to the 2.5 year old whose birthday is in August, or should I just send a card? (please note that I always make a handmade card and send it along with the gift/gifts.) Also, should I tell my brother why I didn't send a gift (if I don't) or not? Thank you in advance.

I couldn't agree more. She is rude, self-absorbed and disrespectful. Clearly, NO introspection skills whatsoever. As Starlight mentioned "You did the right thing in telling her to arrange her own rides." Don't feel bad telling her this, ever. She brought it on herself with her thoughtless behaviour.

I agree, Wiseman. Merry Christmas to you.

I love what DancingFool said. Personally, I believe that it's way more effective, and less stressful for you, to stop all interaction with her. No need to say anything. Don't lower yourself to that level. You deserve respect and, clearly, she is not respecting you at all. Keep your head high, and move on, OK?

Beautifully said, Wiseman!

So sorry you are having such stress with this obnoxious person. I agree with all the other posters. Don't fall for her manipulative behavour, please. And, don't feel bad: serve her eviction and be done with her. You don't need people like her in your life. Good luck! xx

Let me preface this by saying that I am not trying to make light of your situation or to be mean. I am sorry that happened to you. I agree with what Jaunty said. It hurts and it's very horrible feeling. But, you have to be realistic and realise that there is no easy fix. What you are feeling is normal and only time will help heal your broken heart. Hang in there as best as you can and take heed of the advice that the above posters offered to you. Take it from me - you will mend, Just to throw it out there: my ex blind sided me after 29 years of marriage when he said he wanted a divorce. That was 3.5 years ago. Yes, you feel that your world has crumbled beneath your feet but, like I mentioned, give time a chance. I feel so much better now; you will, too. Hang in there, girl. You can do it, OK?

I don't like saying this but it sounds very much like she still harbours feelings for her ex. If she is truly over him, why would she be jealous or be upset to see him with another girl, or looking at his profile? It seems like she should take some time off from dating until she's clear on who/what she wants. Be very careful if you decide to carry on with her. It doesn't sound like it would end well for you. Also, it is very strange that she mentioned it to you a few days after the fact. Please see the red flags. Your friends are correct. Listen to them, and don't be a fool. Sorry.

You are too funny, Wiseman! Tom better wake up.

Exactly! ^^^ That, to me, is a red flag. I really would not put up with this nonsense. That is inappropriate and I don't blame you at all for feeling uncomfortable, stressed, worried, etc. Sorry to say but your wife needs to set boundaries, and she should realise that this is clearly inappropriate. I am sorry that she put you in this odd situation but it shows me that she is disrespectful, insensitive and inconsiderate towards you. Sorry, but it's how I see it. Also, I also blame this guy for being so crass. He knows (hopefully) that your wife is a married woman and, still, he meets her outside work?? You need to calmly tell her that you are uncomfortable with this friendship with this guy. It's gone too far, on both parts. There is no reason for them to be so chummy chummy. There are respectful ways to have a friendship with a coworker and their way is inappropriate.

You say you are "heartbroken" after dating this unsavory individual after only one month? Get serious! Save yourself some real heartache and run the other way. Do not, and I stress not, let him move in with you. That would prove disastrous. You must know that deep inside. Also, if you become heartbroken after one month, it sounds like you are not ready to date. Sorry to say this, but that shows immaturity of your part (I'm not saying this to be mean). What are you going to do if something goes wrong after a six-month relationship or longer? In any case, get rid of this guy. He sounds like he some some hidden agenda.