Tinydance

So you said the guy is your friend but how well do you know him? It sounded like you hadn't seen him for a long time but then you ran into him. Do you know what the nature of their relationship is? Like, are they polyamorous, swingers, etc.? They seem to be acting like they are. What kind of gathering was it at their place? Was it a party? I just find it really odd if for example you're just having a small gathering and people aren't off their face or anything and are just talking. Then all of a sudden the hosts leave and go to their bedroom and start having sex with an open door. Unless you're having some kind of wild party then if you're the host you don't just leave your guests alone to have sex. And you don't leave the door open. Personally I would be like what is going on here. Even if they weren't having sex but they just went to a different room and didn't come back, I'd find it rude. Honestly I think you're being blinded by this woman being attractive. I mean, if they seem to be a polyamorous couple and they're hitting on their friends then OK. But even if they were then you'd be more like their "unicorn". If you know what that means lol Depends if you're OK with that or not.

Well first of all you are not in love with her. You find her attractive and you're in lust. Love is a very deep feeling that comes from true connection and truly knowing someone. You basically don't know her. I don't think that just partying and drinking with her is actually getting to know her. I don't know what's going on with this girl and your friend and why did they just leave the door open when they were having sex. Also if they were having some friends over at their place then why did they just leave their guests on their own and go to have sex? And left the door open for their guests to watch. Super weird? Like, are they some kind of exhibitionists or swingers? I find this behaviour really odd because you shouldn't be subjecting people to watching you have sex without their consent. It's creepy.

Well there are rules on this forum and as long as you follow them, you are allowed to continue posting. There are many people commenting so just like in real life if you're having a group conversation, everyone will be talking together. Do you have an issue with this or it was just a simple question out of curiosity?

Yeah we actually have proof sometimes that they read the replies because after some days, weeks or months, they sometimes come back. Some people come back a lot later and comment again on their original post how it all went.

How long ago was this? Well, I'm not sure what really say except to say again that things happen for a reason. If you actually really loved that woman then I don't think you'd have ended it. I think there was something you felt deep down that was telling you she wasn't "the one". Maybe you thought she ticked all the boxes but at the end of the day you just didn't want a future with her. Now you look back on it and think you should have settled for her. But you didn't settle and that's the decision you made at the time. This is probably not a big consolation but if you weren't sure about her, you did the right thing. She was able to find someone who wanted a future with her. It sucks for you but you set her free. You know it's never truly too late to do anything. I have this female acquaintance who is 42, her partner is 53. They have a two-year-old daughter who is their only child. I also met a 48-year-old woman who has a 1.5 year old girl. She tried all this IVF and it failed. She gave up but she got pregnant naturally by accident! Miracles happen.

Well unless for some reason you think you would have no chance to get any other job, yes absolutely you should quit. There is actual bullying and emotional abuse going on by your boss. Have you looked into workplace laws and worker's rights in your state? The thing is, quitting is one thing, but I'm pretty sure your boss is behaving in an illegal manner. Workplace bullying isn't allowed and is against basically any company's policy. If this is a fancy hotel then maybe you should speak to higher management and say that you'll be contacting the representative body of your state to make an official written complaint about the manager. You could also get in touch with that staff member who was fired to see if she'd like to make an official complaint. Big businesses usually don't like to have a bad name for themselves so maybe they'll discipline or fire your boss. If you're going to quit anyway then what do you have to lose? Someone needs to speak up and make a change. She got away with it long enough.

Merry Christmas to you too! Well I wouldn't call it "taking over". Someone asked for advice/opinions. So I think as long as you're talking about the original topic, you are providing commentary and opinions on what was asked. If you've been looking at the forum for a long time, maybe you noticed that sometimes an OP doesn't comment for a while but then they do come back and finally say something. Or maybe they or other people in the same situation are still reading the responses but don't comment. I think yes in a sense this forum can be like a chat room as long as you're following the rules. You're not doing anything wrong so you're allowed to express your opinions.

Well I think it's OK to give the money and if the person wants they can share the money with their partner. In this case is the boyfriend only spending it on himself like his mother suggested? Or did he share? I wouldn't really be blaming the mother because the son doesn't need to follow everything she says. If he is following it then that's by choice isn't it?

Well what is your age? Are you of an age where it's not possible to have children? What happened in your relationship, why did it end? Sometimes things happen for a reason and if you didn't settle down together then obviously one or both of you thought you weren't the right person. If you're a lot older then can you maybe date someone who has children already and be a stepfather? Or you can adopt and give an orphan a home?

Oh yeah this is actually exactly what I was saying, what you just wrote. I consider excluding to be if there are a lot of people invited and you're the only person not invited. It always depends on the situation as well. I do see how it might seem offensive not to be invited to "celebrate the engagement" or given $500 "for the wedding". But it really just seems like a mother pampering her son rather that it's some kind of actual party or celebration. I do actually see this situation as a bit like a Mama's boy/man child" situation which is probably being fueled largely by the mother. To me the $500 dollars actually reminds me of how a parent says to their little child: "Here's $5, go buy yourself some lollies or chocate, whatever you want." Except here it's $500 and she's doing it to a grown man.

I agree with what a lot of posters are saying. I think sometimes a lot of disappointment comes when expectations are too high and a person isn't behaving in the way that you expect them to. In my opinion there's no obligation to be friends with your partner's relatives unless you naturally really get along with them and are clicking great and WANT to be friends. I see it as fine that a mother wants to go out for dinner with her son or give him money. There are some people who will always without fail include their child's partner, but some just want time with their child alone. To me excluding would only be if it seems very calculated or deliberate. E.g. The MIL organises a dinner or party at her house and the whole family is invited but daughter-in-law isn't. Or MIL gives everyone in the family money but gives daughter-in-law nothing. I think there are some behaviours that are not calculated and there isn't actually some kind of plot about it. Again it depends on expectations. I personally don't really care that much if I'm included with things with my partner's family. I have a lot of friends, hobbies, my own family. And work. So I'm pretty busy. I'm totally happy if my partner wants to go out with their relative alone because then I can just do my own thing. I'm getting a sense in this case that yes the fiance is a "Mama's boy" and now that he's getting married, the mother is freaking out. She got upset she got removed from the bank account and tracking app. She's trying to spend time with her son alone and give him presents. To me that seems more a sign of clinginess ti her son rather than hating DIL. I'm not saying it's good but it's not necessarily some kind of evil plot against DIL.

YES.

Well I agree with this as well. Her fiance shouldn't have mentioned anything about that the cheque was only for him and just spend if together.

So you're not really looking for a welfare worker who takes care of you (that's actually my work), but more like a friend or activity companion? In that case I don't understand why you need to pay them for it? Do you want this person to also have autism or it can be anyone? In any case, people with autism still have friends so I don't think you need to actually buy someone's friendship. You can still go to other Meetup, social or activity groups and try to make friends there. I think it might be better for you to be friends with other women. This is not meant to be as a misanderist comment that all men are sex predators. But I just got the impression that maybe because of your autism you don't understand some men's intentions towards you. You think they care about you and that they're your friend or date, but all they want is no strings attached hook up. If you would like some kind of paid carer to take you out places then you should contact some support organisations for people with disabilities. Maybe they might even have volunteers who can do this. However keep in mind that this person wouldn't really be your friend. For example at my job I have to act professionally and not add the clients to social media or see them outside of my shifts. And if they stop being my client then I (usually) stop seeing them. So as awful as it sounds but yeah I was seeing them because it was my job. It doesn't mean I didn't like them but I just try to keep my work separate from my personal life. You sound like someone who wants genuine connection so I probably wouldn't go down the hiring someone route. That's just my opinion. If you look at it as having a support worker then that's not a problem. But remember if your money ran out or they left the job or moved etc., you wouldn't see them anymore. It's not like having a real friend who will still be there.

OK look, as much as you want your MIL to love and adore you as the daughter she never had, invite you to dinners and give you $500, I don't think she actually HAS to do this. I think it's very common for parents to only love their actual child as their own and not their husband or wife or whoever. There are also people who are really different. Parents in law can range from anything to truly awful and hateful to super loving and super generous. There are also MIL's who are in the middle. They accept you and respect you, but they aren't your bestie or "second mother". For example, my mother is a lovely person but my Dad's parents were basically snobs and jerks. They were really rude to my Mum and they didn't take much interest in me either. At my parents' wedding, my grandfather got drunk and began to loudly say to my Dad: "Don't do this! I think you're making a mistake". Like, what?!! I don't think that your MIL is necessarily some kind of horrible witch or necessarily trying to exclude you deliberately. She seems very attached to her son. She wants alone Mummy and son time, she wants to spoil him with $500 for him to treat himself. I don't think it automatically means she dislikes you or she's deliberately plotting something against you. Your expectations of what your MIL has to do towards you or how to treat you is in my opinion really high. You seem to expect her to love her as your own daughter and go above and beyond as for her own child. You are talking about human dynamics and connections. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you but some people might just not feel a super strong connection. Why do you really care if she loves you as her own, does it matter? For example my MIL is a huge fruit loop and I actually deliberately keep my contact with her to a necessary minimum lol Also when you're talking about a relationship, you're talking about two people in that relationship. So your fiance is one of those people. The way a relationship dynamic works is both people are contributing to it. One person at any time can say: "Hey I need to change XYZ, I need to set XYZ boundary." If that person isn't doing that then they are either fine with things just as they are, they like it just as they are, or they are too cowardly or co-dependent to change things. You kept saying that how dare MIL track your fiance's location or be on his bank account. Well this went on all his adult life. And even to track someone they need to download the tracking app themselves and click to allow permission to be tracked. It's not like your fiance's Mum hacked his phone or bank account. Everything was consensual and he wanted it to be this way. Also she gave the $500 and said it was for him but he could have told you: "I got this $500 from Mum, let's go see what we want to get for the wedding." Your fiance is playing along with everything so I don't think you can just villanise the MIL. You were talking about why do people air their relationship dirty laundry to their MIL or other people. Well the way MIL would know it is if her child came to her themselves by their own will. Again, if the MIL isn't actually hacking or wire tapping anything, then this information is being given to her voluntarily.

You also don't have to follow all of them.

Well just accept yourself as you are. I think God accepts you as long as you're not hurting other people. Just being gay or bisexual does no harm to anybody so why is it a problem?

If you're talking about that the "morals" is it's wrong to be gay then correct, I don't care about that.

Well no offence but I'm really getting the impression that the main problem here in regards to dating at least isn't your disabilities. If for example you want to be with men but you're "not allowed" then you would literally have the same problem even if you were a fully healthy and able bodied person. If the only path for your religion is to marry a woman and you wouldn't follow that path - you would be alone. I definitely believe you that your disability causes you suffering but to me your religion seems like the biggest obstacle.

Homophobia is also seen as undesirable by many. Especially in progressive western countries.

I have a few ideas why you hate your life and don't have a relationship. Number one is you're deeply homophobic. Also the Bible says: "God made us in His image." So if He hates gay people then why did He actually make them in His image? Explain this?

Well first of all religion is very largely subjective. There are many religions in the world. And often they believe different things. There are also people who are atheist. So they don't even believe in God or heaven or hell. Keep in mind too that majority of religious texts were written many thousands of years ago. They're extremely outdated.

You said you are only sometimes bed ridden, not always? You could be in a wheelchair and get a lift to church and sign them. Also, maybe that relationship might start online but the person might want to move to you and be with you in person. Seriously if you watch the You Tube Squirmy and Grubs, the guy with disabilities has a hot wife lol

Well you can send the marriage papers by mail and sign them. I think you're actually just trying to come up with any excuse as to why you would never have a relationship. Some of them don't even make that much sense.

Burn in hell for having an online relationship? Iol Which religion do you follow if you don't mind me asking? You said the online relationship is against your religion because you'd have to marry the woman. For what reason would you need to marry her? For example, in Christianity it's a sin to have sex if you're not married. But since you wouldn't be having sex if it's not in person, you have a very good loop hole there lol