livingahippyfantasy

I gotta say: been there, done that. One thing that stuck out in your post: I told him that I'm willing to accept whatever he has to offer. And I hate to tell you this but it is totally, totally lame on your part. I know from experience what you are going through and please don't forget that all beginnings are lovely regardless of how golden your early memories are with your boyfriend. Ultimately a man who really respects you would not treat you like this, and your ideal man (and mine) would not make you wait until the 30th to tell you how he feels. This type of suspense is a manipulation on his part and most likely this breakup is a test for you. You have to be a strong woman right now and put up with the pain. It is up to you to put on the brakes on this type of behaviour. What would you tell one of your girlfriends if she was in your situation? I implore you to stick to your guns. Make a decision about this relationship, take some time for yourself, have goals, exercise, do all the stuff people tell you after a breakup and don't let him keep you on a string. It is the best thing for you and the relationship regardless if its going to work out or not. Ask yourself if you want to be married with kids and the whole shebang to a man who suddenly needs time out off and on. I think you are letting this guy take the reins on your relationship. Don't forget that you have a say. It takes two to tango. How would your life change if this guy permanently disappeared? Would you be able to go on? You are the engine that drives your own happiness. Reply with any questions you might have. Ciao.

That was good, thanks. I had to copy out a couple of the things you said to reread later. Getting over a relationship is hard. I am trying to accept my breakup with a man I still think of as my ideal. I keep telling myself that good things are coming even though sometimes I feel like I am waiting for a train that was taken off the line without my knowing it. Its difficult not to wish I could go back and change things but to just accept them as they are. I still love him deeply. Do you agree that you often have to go through life pretending you are not feeling what you are really feeling. I was all those things, desperate, sad, clingy, angry and a puddle. I never want to be like that again.

Get ready for this, but YOU think its love, but your only 16. Good luck with that, you have to honestly dig pretty deep and admit that you don't know what love is. Love is years and years of being on someones' side, of being put through tests and distance and pain together. Love is holding someone's hair back and washing their shoes when they puke. Love is sticking it out when you would rather part, love is taking the wheel to drive while she sleeps, love is plane tickets and candles and late night dinners beside a hospital bed. You don't know what love is. You're in high school, this girl is messing with you.

Okay, lets talk about trust. I think you need to admit some things about yourself first and you don't read someone elses journal, this is fundamentaly wrong. Now you have to admit it to your girlfriend, because this would be the right thing to do unless you want to add deceit and resentment to your relationship. Good luck. Besides, your girlfriend didn't act on her feelings. Its normal to be attracted to other people even when you are in a committed relationship. Sounds like she's committed to you. You need to focus your attention to having a good talk with her and clearing the air between you rather than rattling on and on on the internet.