older husband

Hi, I am 23 years old and my husband is 40. I have never been concerned much with our age difference. However, recently, I have been a little depressed. It seems like everybody around me thinks that such a relationship is sick. I am embarrased to talk about my husband because I am afraid to be asked about his age. I would like to talk to somebody who is in a simmilar situation.

IM TO IM MARRIED TO A MAN WHO IS 42. AND IM 21. YES PEOPLE TALK ABOUT US. BUT I LEARED NOT TO LISTEN WHAT OUR OTHER PEOPLE THINK OR SAY DISCOURGE ME. AND YOU SHOUL'NT EITHER. AS LONG AS YA'LL LOVE EACH OTHER THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

Although I am not in this situation, I believe that you should disregard what others say. You are both mature adults and have found love within eachother. That is really all that matter anyway. When you speak of your husband, try not to dwell on his age. Only tell that if it is asked, but rather focus on what he does for a living, what the qualities that you love about him...so on.

Hi,

They are talking about you? So what? Consider my rule in life: "The only obligation YOU have in life is for YOU being happy. If YOU are not happy, then YOU cannot make someone else happy".

I would look around and surround yourself with friends and people that respect and accept you for who you are. It's always easy to judge other people, but why should you put up with it.

Hey... chin up, cheer up ... relax! You're happy... that's what matters! You rock the world, girl!! So many other people that are single and are NOT happy in that situation. Makes you wonder, eh? So many other people that ARE married and are not happy. You're lucky and I bet a few of them telling you off are jealous!!

~ SwingFox ~

I know these are just words, but do not listen to what others say! One should not judge unless they have walked in your shoes a mile! All that matters is how much you love him and how you get along. IN a few years people will not be talking! Age is irrelevent!

Who are these people around you that think it is "sick"? Are they close friends? Family?

Or are they colleagues or acquaintances?

There are many reasons why people might try to make you feel bad. If people see that you are happy and in love, it can be a cause for jealousy. Specially if their own life is crappy.

If they don't find this to talk about, they will probably find something else to criticize, either about you or about something else. People are bored and things like this which are a little bit different, serve to make their boring existence a little more interesting.

You are 23, he is 40, both adults in a position to decide what you want in your lives. I don't see anything that makes this "sick".

It's not easy to simply "tune out" what people around you say. Especially if they are people that you are friendly with, respect, or if they're your relatives.

Assume they're jealous, because you're in a happy relationship. And take a good look at them and their lives. Chances are they're not happy, because if they were, they wouldn't have anything to say about you.

Well, Hi There! I'm not married, but I do have a partner who is 35 years my senior. You've got nothing to worry about. Lol. I would love to get married to him one day. We already cope a lot of flack (which is definitely expected) but more often than not, we can shrug it off. Him being the older one, takes it a little more to heart because he feels guilty and unsure. I try my best to reassure him on such occasions but I think it's from other people he needs to hear the positives.

Jaymee-Lee

Well, I was 23 when I met my husband, who was 40 at the time. It is now 25 years later. I am telling you, the age difference will catch up with you. I am now 48 and still ready to party and have a "roll in the hay," all he wants to do is watch tv and nap. He is retired and 65 years old. Things may be wonderful for you right now, but keep in mind what will happen eventually. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time for the first 23 years of our relationship, but now I feel trapped and have no life.

Well, I was 23 when I met my husband, who was 40 at the time. It is now 25 years later. I am telling you, the age difference will catch up with you. I am now 48 and still ready to party and have a "roll in the hay," all he wants to do is watch tv and nap. He is retired and 65 years old. Things may be wonderful for you right now, but keep in mind what will happen eventually. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time for the first 23 years of our relationship, but now I feel trapped and have no life.

And they say "AGE DOESN'T MATTER" BS. Age does matter. 3 to 5 years is not a big deal...but when you approach 10 it does. There is a logic to marrying someone "around" your age group and that is to grow old TOGETHER! Not you will grow older while he or she gets old period. Older men/women marrying significantly younger man or woman are mostly for ego boost for the older person.

I'm not here to judge others because you can make whatever choice you want to in life.

In my opinion, age does matter, and it isn't just a number. It's a measure of time, and maturity. Being 43 years old, I cannot see myself dating someone more than 5 years younger than me, and that's a stretch by the way.

If you are happy in the relationship then that is all that matters. One thing I have learnt recently is that you cannot control other people's actions or words, you can only control your own. You cannot control what others think or say about you, they will have their own opinions. But do what YOU want to do and what YOU feel is right. Be true to yourself at all times.

Many people go through life not feeling happy, for different reasons. If you have found a relationship which makes you happy then stick with it, and I wish you all the best for your future together

So? My parents have a 20 years age gap and they love each other very much.

Don't take into consideration of what people say. How is love sick? Love isn't about the age, nor it is about race, religion, past ect, because real love overlooks differences and instead focuses on both parties' feelings for each other.

Don't feel bad of the comments they say, you stand up for yourself and speak! ^^

Let people judge you and say comments but don't allow 'em to have hold of your relationship.

Hi....I am 29 and my fiance is 58. I met him when i was 25 and he was 54 and the attraction was physical...but even more so it was a deeper connection. We are very happy together but his grown daughters continue to make life difficult for me. They are not happy that I am with him and are certain I must only want him for his money. They have no idea how much in love with him I am. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met. It is hard for me to ignore people when they are mean or make commets like it's "sick" that we are in love. All I can do is try my best to not let it affect our relationship because i do love him...and we know it...so that is all that matters. Good luck...and take care. Anna

it is sick.

it is sick.

What is "sick" is people who feel the need to judge others who are happy and content with their partner. If the people are two mature adults than isn't their happiness the only thing that matters? Your reaction to age-gap relationships is not much different than when someone is "grossed" out by a homosexual relationship....it is prejudice. Everyone finds happiness in different ways.

Good point, Anna.

My partner and I are 17 years apart, and I have never been happier in a relationship. Nobody judges us (at least not that I've heard), and my family and friends like him and are happy for us.

Adult + Adult + making each other happy = who cares if someone calls it 'sick'. As long as we're not hurting anyone, why should people judge?

Be happy and proud of your relationships, peope!!

beth

I am not married, but I know what you are going through (as I am sure a lot of us do!) Sadly, most people who have no experience with age gap relationships just don't understand. You can't help who you fall in love with! I am not married, but I am in a relationship where we have twenty-one years between us. We have a few supporters, but most people who know about us are very vocal about their opinons.

I can relate to what you said about the chatter making you depressed. Sometimes it makes me really doubt my relationship with my significant other, but when I am around him all those doubts go away. So I know that it's right for right now. If you get the same feeling, then I don't think you should worry about what they are saying.

I concur with jalay 100%.

There are 16 years between my husband and I. When we met and married, he looked very young and it didn't really matter. As the years have passed, it has become more and more of a stumbling block to the point of breaking the relationship. I am now only 27 and he is 43. It affects everything from our social life to our romantic life and it makes me miserable.

The marriage no longer satisfies my needs, but I don't want to hurt him by leaving him either. I cannot describe in sufficient words what a mistake it would be for you to remain with someone much older than you.

The people who have said their relationship is okay are probably still in the very early stages. Do not commit yourself long-term to a much older person.

You are already in a marriage with this man, so it's not going to do you any good to hear that you "shouldn't commit" to him. You have commited to him. If the relationship feels good and right to you, then you'll have to work on taking other people's opinions with a grain of salt, because that wil not likely stop as your age gap will seem more upsetting to the people who love you as he gets older.

If you are, however, concerned yourself or turned off or losing interest, then that's another story. It doesn't sound like that's the case.

I concur with jalay 100%.

 

There are 16 years between my husband and I. When we met and married, he looked very young and it didn't really matter. As the years have passed, it has become more and more of a stumbling block to the point of breaking the relationship. I am now only 27 and he is 43. It affects everything from our social life to our romantic life and it makes me miserable.

 

The marriage no longer satisfies my needs, but I don't want to hurt him by leaving him either. I cannot describe in sufficient words what a mistake it would be for you to remain with someone much older than you.

 

The people who have said their relationship is okay are probably still in the very early stages. Do not commit yourself long-term to a much older person.

How long have you been married? If he looked very young when you married what has happened now? Has he aged suddenly? Has he stopped taking care of himself?

In this day and age, 43 is not old. I think you have other issues in your marriage and you are using his age as an excuse. Many married people, even closer in age lose the spark after a few years of marriage. Marriage is not easy and a relationship is something that needs to be nurtured on a continuous basis.

You have lost the spark in your marriage. People fall out of love all the time, for various reasons. Don't blame his age for it. If it wasn't his age, you would find something else that you would use to justify being unhappy about your marriage.

I'm also in the camp that age doesn't matter in love.

I have been married for ten years to my husband. I'm 35, he's 56. We have a wonderful relationship. I'm a business woman and he is now a stay-at-home daddy. It works out perfectly for our two young sons. He is far more patient then I with the children.

Sure we have our differences at times, but don't all relationships? My biggest fear is losing him one day. Obviously, the odds are in his favor that he'll pass on before me. But the thing that keeps me going is that it's better to have a great love for a little while then to never have experienced such joy.

I joke that when he passed on, I'll probably be in my 60s. So, then I'll turn the tables and hunt for a younger man. Ha!

I would have regretted it for the rest of my life if I never married my husband simply because of "his age." We are meant to be together.

An aside from the occasional ribbing that "I see you brought your daughter." The only thing that gets him is when he's with his sons at the store and someone says, "I see you brought your grandsons." But, luckily for him our oldest son... who is now 4... pipes in "He's not my granddad, he's my Daddy!!!"

Life is short. Enjoy your time on this planet. You can't help it if you weren't placed on the earth in the same year as your soul mate.

And they say "AGE DOESN'T MATTER" BS. Age does matter. 3 to 5 years is not a big deal...but when you approach 10 it does. There is a logic to marrying someone "around" your age group and that is to grow old TOGETHER! Not you will grow older while he or she gets old period. Older men/women marrying significantly younger man or woman are mostly for ego boost for the older person.

Does it affect you though? Why don't you just let people do their thing and let them be happy. You can worry about yourself.

Well, I was 23 when I met my husband, who was 40 at the time. It is now 25 years later. I am telling you, the age difference will catch up with you. I am now 48 and still ready to party and have a "roll in the hay," all he wants to do is watch tv and nap. He is retired and 65 years old. Things may be wonderful for you right now, but keep in mind what will happen eventually. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time for the first 23 years of our relationship, but now I feel trapped and have no life.

It's called Viagra. The retirement community near my house was on the news for its high level of STDs. Age no longer has to inhibit great sex.

And they say "AGE DOESN'T MATTER" BS. Age does matter. 3 to 5 years is not a big deal...but when you approach 10 it does. There is a logic to marrying someone "around" your age group and that is to grow old TOGETHER! Not you will grow older while he or she gets old period. Older men/women marrying significantly younger man or woman are mostly for ego boost for the older person.

Unless you have been in an age-gap relationship, don't judge it. You don't know what the older person wants. I like an older man and he likes me becuase I am still full of energy and "youthful spunk". He has a high level of energy for his age and he wants someone who still wants to have fun. Most women his age are more worried about their careers and the house. He likes me because I'm fun.