fangirl12344 Posted December 3, 2019 Share Posted December 3, 2019 Okay so me and my Ex dated in first year of university. He treated me really nicely and it was difficult because it was a long distance relationship but he still came to see me and he always made time for me. However, about four months into the relationship, I broke up with him. I felt that he could not give me space and we were too immature to date because we were both 17. We ended on good terms however, he did love me a lot as we had been best friends for a really long time and the break up really hurt him. Shortly after our breakup, I started dating this other guy who I dated for three years however, eventually I ended up breaking it off with him recently. Me and my ex have communicated on and off over the years however over the last couple months I cut of all communication. Once I broke up with my boyfriend, I contacted my ex boyfriend as he had just recieved an amazing job opportunity and I wanted to congradulate him on it. For two days straight we just talked about our lives and called on the phone. He told me that a part of him will always love me, and everything that hes done to get my attention over the past three years. He said he left his instagram off private just so I could keep up with his life and look at his stories because he knew I didn't want to be contacted directly. He updated his facebook so I could see the new jobs he got and everything. He also told me that he kept a bear that was going to give for three years because it was like holding on to a little part of me. I was his first for everything and I think thats why he took everything so hard. But when he told me all of that stuff, all these feelings came back and maybe its because my recent boyfriend had treated me so ty but I started to develop feelings for my ex. The problem is he told me he has a girlfriend and I told him that he either has to tell her that we are talking or then we can't talk. He told me that he thinks we shouldn't talk anymore, he said that this girl is really important to him and that she's the first girl he has actually liked since me. I am really sad that he would stop talking to me as I did really want to be friends but I understood. The thing is I want to tell him I like him. I dont wan't to break up his relationship and I don't want to be with him because I need time after my long-term relationship just to be alone. But I want to be honest with him because hes always been honest with me. So I guess i'm asking if I should tell him the truth or just leave it and move on? Either way I dont want him back, I just want him to know how I feel. Link to comment
TeeDee Posted December 4, 2019 Share Posted December 4, 2019 If you don't want him back what is the point of telling him that you still like him? He has already told you he cares about his GF & to make her happy he's willing to stop talking to you. At most you can tell him you respect him for putting her needs fist & to look you up if they break up. Then go back to the way things were when you could see each other's social media. The reality is you are looking for an ego stroke. You thought this guy would jump at the chance to have you back. When he didn't do that you are getting all defensive & saying you don't want him back. Even if you didn't want him back, you still wanted him to want to get back together with you. Leave the guy alone. Plus you don't really know him any more. College changes somebody. He's not the same boy he was when you were 17. The man that he is has enough sense to pick the loyal woman who has been with him over the last several years, not the teenaged girl who broke his heart way back when. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 It's probably a good idea to keep that information to yourself. He's with someone else and telling him is for you (selfish reasons) , not for him. Even if you do find yourself wanting to date him again, it's not advisable to cross that line. Be respectful of his choices and that he's in a relationship with someone else. Limit your conversations with him and eventually wean off that friendship. The relationship is over and there is no friendship there, only memories. Move forwards in a healthier way and choose coping methods after a break up that add to your sense of self-worth, not take you back several steps. Look to your hobbies and start rediscovering yourself. You have a lot of free time now being single. Use it in ways that help you move forwards. Don't get stuck in a loop. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 No, it is not a good idea to tell him you like him. You don't have any intention of getting back together with him at this time, so I can't see what your goal is other than hoping he breaks up with her and keeps himself single until you are ready. That wouldn't be fair or realistic. Also, he has already told you that his new girlfriend is important to him. It's wise to respect that and not interject yourself into his life. My guess is that after you heal from this break-up, your ex won't look like such an attractive option anymore. I think it's your ego and loneliness talking here, rather than genuine desire to be with him. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 It's not fair to contact the old bf you dumped in high school to help you get over this recent breakup. Go forwards not backwards.Shortly after our breakup, I started dating this other guy who I dated for three years however, eventually I ended up breaking it off with him recently. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 He sounds like a decent young man and is doing the right thing by his girlfriend. Either way I dont want him back, I just want him to know how I feel. Doing that may make you feel good but puts a terrible burden on the other person and is a cheap shot. Link to comment
TikkaDiva Posted December 5, 2019 Share Posted December 5, 2019 If you don't want him back, why torture both yourself and him with this added pressure, information and emotions over it all. I learned long ago, if you love them, let them go. It sounds like you might be in need of being alone to really determine what you really want out of life, relationships and not muddy the water with being unsure over it all. It will only cause pain in the long run, both for you and for others. Take time to heal your heart, take time to determine what type of person you want to spend your forever with. You owe it to yourself to take a breather and figure it all out instead of being led by emotions. Emotions really can lead us down a wrong path quickly. Focus on healthy habits for you. Take up yoga, read a good book, enjoy friend time... Link to comment
Auran Posted December 6, 2019 Share Posted December 6, 2019 Leave the poor guy alone. He's happy, and you telling him that you still 'like' him will cause problems. Remember, YOU let him go. Now he's healed, and you want to possibly cause more damage? Selfish much? Link to comment
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