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Thread: How do I Romantically/Sexually Re-Attract my Ex?

  1. #21
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    You want her back - back to what, exactly?

    You were never in a relationship with her, and she's been very clear it's not going to become a relationship, either. It wasn't heading the direction you wanted; you just didn't fully understand that her position on not wanting a boyfriend has not changed. There is thus nothing to win back, so to speak, because she was never yours to begin with. You and she were on totally different pages in terms of your goals in spending time together.

    I know it hurts. But you need to believe her when she says she doesn't want a relationship. Whether she doesn't have the stones to tell you she's just not that into you or whether she genuinely doesn't want to commit to anyone, the bottom line is the same - this is a futile mission on your part.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She's stringing you along. You were always and still are squarely in the friendzone. Leave her alone. Date women outside of work who are interested in dating you.

  3. #23
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    The title of this post now doesn’t match the story but i mean “get back” as in get us back to how we was when it was all going well.

    I have been planning to stop the contact and stop pursuing her . I just wanted to post on these forums to understand what other people thought.

    I am planning to speak to her face to face to tell her that I wont be texting anymore and to stop contact

  4. #24
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    I guess she is to be honest. Saying that she has never said no but can guarantee anything is stringing me along. Never thought I’d catch these deep feelings or every be in this situation because it aint like me. Asked me if id ever be like this before all this happened and i would of laughed.

    Deep down, I know I have to stop the contact and move on. I just wanted to see other people’s opinions

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  6. #25
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    Why do you refer to yourself as a "boy" and her as a "girl"?

    She has been crystal clear about what she does and doesn't want. Why are you trying to find ways to disregard and override her expressed wishes?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Alex Davies
    Never thought I’d catch these deep feelings or every be in this situation because it aint like me. Asked me if id ever be like this before all this happened and i would of laughed.
    As you let this go—and, like the others, I suggest you do that—I'd reflect on the above a bit. You seem weirdly proud of some mythic self-conception: the idea of yourself as the charming, masculine guy who is immune to feelings—the guy, perhaps, that "girls" chase, not the other way around, given that this thread essentially started with you trying to figure out how to become a tastier carrot on a stick to get her blood boiling.

    It makes "sense," then, that you are so smitten with a woman who has never really shown much interest in you—at least not the level of interest you want. Seems what you are most drawn to in her is the fact that she's just not that into you. It's human nature, of course, to want what we can't quite have, but it's also the antithesis of human connection. It's ego-based, not heart-based, and there is a lot of ego coming through in this thread. You want to feel like a super stud, "getting her" is the missing piece of your stud puzzle, and you can't quite comprehend how this woman has the audacity to not be into you.

    Yawn. There are better ways, deeper ways, to exist inside your own skin and alongside others.

    What I'd take from this, in your shoes? I'd accept that this thing that never was is over, mourn that a bit, but also celebrate that this thing introduced you to something inside yourself that is softer, more tender: the reality that you are a dude who does have feelings, who does "catch" them, and who wants to explore and celebrate those feelings with another person. That is different than all this, which is just a game.

    Games are fun when we "win," frustrating when we "lose," but they are always "safe" because they are never quite real. If you want the big stuff, the real stuff, you have to be "man enough" to exit the stadium and prize connection over trophies.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    The problem is that you never "had" anything with her. She was blunt with you from the get go that she isn't into anything, but since you kept pursuing, she went along with it - attention, friendship, things to do when bored, ego boost. Ultimately though, she stayed true to herself and rejected you again and told you flat out not to get your hopes up because this chase is never going to go anywhere.

    What I think is that you need to pick up your self respect off the floor and move on. Don't chase after women who tell you they are "unavailable". It doesn't matter why. What matters is that they are not relationship material and all you are doing chasing them is wasting your time and life and missing out on better quality women in the process. Do not confuse unavailable or unhealthy hoops and loops to jump through as quality. That's not what quality looks like. You are literally confusing damaged with quality. Totally backwards.

    When it comes to dating and relationships, you want to focus on those who are in a healthy place in life, ready, willing, and able to enter a healthy relationship with the right person. Instead, you romanticized someone who is not there and now you are finding out that there is really nothing romantic about it. It's an investment without a return.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You were a placeholder for when she is ready to have a boyfriend, and when she's ready, it definitely won't be with you. Because a woman who is crazy about you would never let you be free to date others. Take your rose-colored glasses off, because you want her so badly that you are ignoring the fact that she doesn't care that she's hurting you. She knows you want what she is not willing to give you, and yet doesn't place boundaries to continue hurting you--behavior she should've never engaged in from day one.

    Even though you see her regularly because of work, etc., you can train your brain to just start thinking her as another co-worker. If she questions the change, just tell her you need to for closure. Be prepared that she might try to reel you back in because she's losing a fan, but be strong for your own good. Take care.

  10. #29
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    Thanks Andrina! I think you are right.

    Placeholder is a good word because when this came up, her response was “let’s just continue and see what happens”. If she was so into me, that wouldn’t be her response.

    I am going to stop the contact and move on, and will find better

  11. #30
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Much in agreement with blue.... it seems to be a classic case of being attracted to someone who is "unavailable"... it's somewhat of a thrill to think that there is a chance we could be "the one" that they fall for, however in my experience those who start out as unavailable remain that way indefinitely.

    The other thing about being attracted to unavailable people is that it's usually a sign that we are somewhat unavailable ourselves... maybe something to consider if you are indeed ready for a serious relationship with someone.

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