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Thread: She Misses but Doesn't Call Me?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I think whether she calls today or not is really beside the point. You're already anxious, spinning around, and when there's this much pressure on a phone call you're already in the danger zone.

    Sounds like the most important thing right now is that you need to start living a life. Get out, do stuff, find things that make you happy and excited, so that a call or snap from her isn't the day's holy grail—so that you feel pretty secure regardless of what's up with her, where this is going. I assure you that if you had a bit more of that you wouldn't be feeling this way about someone who, let's be real, you're very much still getting to know.

    As for what to do if you don't hear from her? Well, I think you need to have an honest conversation—with yourself—about what you want, need, and whether a long distance relationship is really enough for you. I know it wouldn't be for me, certainly with someone I've only known for 2 months. Personally, the only way I'd ever consider it—never done it—is if I was already with someone for a substantial time (over a year) and I knew the distance was temporary and wouldn't last longer than we'd already been together.

    But that's just me. Take a moment to really ask what's right for you, and then I guess you have an honest conversation with her about those things. I do worry, I have to say, that you might not be capable of having either of those honest conversations until you're more rooted in your own life.

  2. #12
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 10023711
    I already let her know like 5 days ago that we need to communicate more. And I mentioned to her yesterday that "in order for this to work, we'd have to talk more". I still haven't heard from her today, even though she said she'll call during the ride home.
    I don't know if she's trying to screw with my head, to make me want her more... or if she just isn't interested.
    I guess maybe that is her answer then...? Maybe she doesn't want to be the bad guy and break up with you and she is hoping you'll do it instead. That's cowardly of her, if that's what's going on.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 10023711
    I already let her know like 5 days ago that we need to communicate more. And I mentioned to her yesterday that "in order for this to work, we'd have to talk more". I still haven't heard from her today, even though she said she'll call during the ride home.
    I don't know if she's trying to screw with my head, to make me want her more... or if she just isn't interested.
    I missed this.

    Well, if you had that chat yesterday and you don't hear from her today—well, I'd end it. Clean, simple, no dramatics. Otherwise you're basically letting her know that your word means nothing.

    I mean, what's the point of "toughing it out"? The prospect of more regular snaps? Or the thin salve making you a millimeter less lonesome in a new place?

    I can only speak for myself but if I even had the faintest idea that someone I was calling my girlfriend was "trying to screw with my head to make me want her more" I'd just be bored to tears. Give me a beer, a book, a pool table and a motorcycle any day over that nonsense.

    The fact that you're even having that idea, though—well, it means it's working, whether intentional or not. Which means you're very thirsty right now, too thirsty.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by 10023711
    I already let her know like 5 days ago that we need to communicate more. And I mentioned to her yesterday that "in order for this to work, we'd have to talk more". I still haven't heard from her today, even though she said she'll call during the ride home.
    I don't know if she's trying to screw with my head, to make me want her more... or if she just isn't interested.
    No I think she simply got turned off by your apparent insecurity and neediness, and frankly controlling attitude, sorry.

    You basically gave her an ultimatum, "in order for this to work, we have to talk more." Period.

    No asking how she felt about more communication, no open honest discussion.

    Just a command, at least that is what it sounded like, which stemmed from your insecurity and neediness, versus a desire to have a mutually rewarding healthy relationship built on love and trust.

    Yeah, I may be wrong but she's done, gone. Frankly, I would be too no matter how intoxicating the chemistry in the beginning.

    Moving forward, learn to chill. It was a freakin phone call, man. Geez.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by 10023711
    I moved to Michigan to work for a fortune 500. She's in school (14 hours by car). She's currently doing an internship a state away from that school. She's living with her girlfriend from college currently.

    And I don't have a social life here. I'm by myself. I haven't met the type of people i click with yet at work. Its a small group in our division.

    But, I used to call her every day or every other day. She would call me every now and then, pretty much only during long car rides. I've heavily backed off from calling her. Now its only like every 3 - 4 days. Only bc she never calls.
    Also, she doesn't snapchat me anymore,... but she clearly snapchats other people because her score keeps going up.
    I think you are bored!?
    You need to develop a social life there.
    Get a hobby, play a sport, whatever.
    Because at this point I don’t think you have anything to chat about other than work.

    And stop checking her Snapchat!!
    You are behaving very insecure.
    Maybe it’s you not her that isn’t good at this long distance stuff?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    No I think she simply got turned off by your apparent insecurity and neediness, and frankly controlling attitude, sorry.

    You basically gave her an ultimatum, "in order for this to work, we have to talk more." Period.

    No asking how she felt about more communication, no open honest discussion.

    Just a command, at least that is what it sounded like, which stemmed from your insecurity and neediness, versus a desire to have a mutually rewarding healthy relationship built on love and trust.

    Yeah, I may be wrong but she's done, gone. Frankly, I would be too no matter how intoxicating the chemistry in the beginning.

    Moving forward, learn to chill. It was a freakin phone call, man. Geez.
    I just think its concerning that we are supposed to be in a relationship, and she's gone 4 days without even giving me a call. Especially in a long term relationship. It may have turned her off, I agree, but I would imagine anyone would question whether or not the other party is even interested if all the communication is one sided.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 10023711
    I just think its concerning that we are supposed to be in a relationship, and she's gone 4 days without even giving me a call. Especially in a long term relationship. It may have turned her off, I agree, but I would imagine anyone would question whether or not the other party is even interested if all the communication is one sided.
    All true—in theory—but if you sound pretty insecure to us odds are you're coming across as really insecure to her.

    She tells you she was missing you and you say, "Well, you should have called." Cringe, you know? It's basically saying, "But how much did you miss me?" and then asking for a number from 1 to 10? She tells you you're two days away from a pixilated surprise, and you're response is to say: give it to me now, after a day. Cringe again.

    I'm not saying that to bash you, but just to go to my above stuff: you're the one, basically, who is not so good with this long distance stuff." No shame in owning that.

    Plus, per Katrina's post, you kind of took the ultimatum route—never super cool, never productive, and a pretty giant anvil to drop on a scale that's 8 weeks old. But there it is, out there. Can't go back from that.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by 10023711
    I just think its concerning that we are supposed to be in a relationship, and she's gone 4 days without even giving me a call. Especially in a long term relationship. It may have turned her off, I agree, but I would imagine anyone would question whether or not the other party is even interested if all the communication is one sided.
    Four months is not a long term relationship, in fact it's still considered very early stages, the time during which we are observing and assessing each other for a long term relationship.

    And my guess is she has been doing just that, and determined you're just not the right fit for her. So yeah you're right, she's lost interest.

    The distance factor could be part of it too, but I would also guess this incident isn't the first time you've displayed such insecurity and need for control, so this may have been brewing inside her for awhile, and after four months, she simply decided she wants no part of that.. Next.

    Again I'm just speculating based on what you've posted, but that is what it sounds like to me.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    All true—in theory—but if you sound pretty insecure to us odds are you're coming across as really insecure to her.

    She tells you she was missing you and you say, "Well, you should have called." Cringe, you know? It's basically saying, "But how much did you miss me?" and then asking for a number from 1 to 10? She tells you you're two days away from a pixilated surprise, and you're response is to say: give it to me now, after a day. Cringe again.

    I'm not saying that to bash you, but just to go to my above stuff: you're the one, basically, who is not so good with this long distance stuff." No shame in owning that.

    Plus, per Katrina's post, you kind of took the ultimatum route—never super cool, never productive, and a pretty giant anvil to drop on a scale that's 8 weeks old. But there it is, out there. Can't go back from that.
    I agree it sounds insecure and that's why i debated heavily about even bringing it up. I knew it would turn her off.. but again, there's just something wrong about me always taking initiative and then when i finally stop calling, i still don't hear from her first. At that point are we even in a relationship? I risked showing insecurity and coming off needy, to put my mind at ease. I don't want to waste my time with someone that talked about having a future, living with me etc, when they don't even put in effort. But i'm going to go cold silent and see what happens. I have a flight scheduled there this friday... so i wont communicate with her until that day comes or the day before. (but she knows what time i'm going to be there and that i even scheduled it)

    I'm going to emotionally try and distance myself from her either way.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Four months is not a long term relationship, in fact it's still considered very early stages, the time during which we are observing and assessing each other for a long term relationship.

    And my guess is she has been doing just that, and determined you're just not the right fit for her. So yeah you're right, she's lost interest.

    The distance factor could be part of it too, but I would also guess this incident isn't the first time you've displayed such insecurity and need for control, so this may have been brewing inside her for awhile, and after four months, she decided she wants no part of that..

    Again I'm just speculating based on what you've posted, but that is what it sounds like to me.
    So you think she really is done with me? The fact that she's cut contacting me first? What confuses me is the last time she spoke to me... she mentioned how much she misses me. She's said this the last couple of time we've spoken. She says one thing but does another. I'm not sure if she's done since she said she misses me. I feel like she wouldn't even say it at all if she wanted to break up.. But you're right that i have to look at it as if we are still in the early stages.


    --Also, i did show insecurity earlier on in the relationship. The topic of her ex's came up and i asked a few insecure questions about penis size out of curiosity. That was a f** up. Even though my tool below is perfectly normal

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