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Thread: No Emotions

  1. #1

    No Emotions

    I had a fight with my dad a while ago. It was totally my fault but I feel like I don't want his forgiveness. There are reasons to this. He loves me and I know that.
    My dad is lazy. He does his job efficiently and punctually but whenever he has a day off, he either sleeps all day or disappears(to his girlfriend). There was a gathering at my house, but he slept the whole day and when he finally woke up, he started drinking.
    So I confronted him about it but he lost his temper and immediately asked for my phone (I'm financially dependent on my dad). But I refused because I knew he would break it or throw it away ( he did it lots of time in the past). He then grabbed a crowbar (which he would not and did not use) and threatened me. I too lost my temper and pushed him a little. And I get it, it's totally my fault but then he said "you should've died." The worst part is that I felt nothing as he stood there with his eyes full of rage. And I knew he was speaking the truth. Because these last few years I feel like he's just tolerating me. I haven't been the perfect son either. So yeah I'm pretty ed up. I don't know what to do.
    I don't feel nothing.. No guilt.... No sadness..... No nothing

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    How old are you? Why are you financially dependent on your dad?

  3. #3
    I'm almost 18.

  4. #4
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Do you work or go to school? Where is your mother or other relatives?

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  6. #5
    I goto school. My dad and mom split up when I was 2. I don't know where she lives.

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Until you are self-sufficient and can move out, you're going to have to get along with your father. Why does it matter to you if he sleeps on his days off? Stop doing things that provoke him.

    What kind of school do you go to? What are your educational plans?

  8. #7
    I am from Nepal. I currently go to NSS. It's a faculty of science. And I plan to go to US after I graduate. And willpursue my career in the field of computer engineering.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You can't control your dad but you can change and control yourself. Start to change behinning today and right now. Show your dad respect no matter what. He is your father and you are financially dependent. He works hard and whatever he does on his time off, is his business whether it's sleeping and / or drinking. I hope he gets professional help for his drinking but you can't force him.

    In the future, have a social gathering somewhere else such as at a park or someone else's home. It's your father and your father's house, not yours.

    Even when you become financially independent someday, you must learn to forgive, too. You don't have to trust nor forget but learn to forgive which means move on. Show respect in the future, too. You don't have to be close and chummy but be the bigger person, take the higher road and do the right thing. Be honorable even when you don't feel like it.

    For now, wait a few days until both of you to simmer down. Choose quiet 1:1 time without distractions, apologize sincerely and humbly for the sake of peace since you both live under the same roof. Don't expect an apology in return. Do the right thing, behave and keep the peace at all costs. It may not be optimal peace but get any type of peace possible. Be mature even though you're only 17 years old. It's time to grow up.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's his life and his house, and he's an adult. He can do what he please. You have no place to "criticize" at all. Yes it's a sad situation. You could sit down with him and discuss your concerns for his health and well-being, but you can't simply boss him around. I suspect he is depressed. The drinking is part of that issue too. The only way to stop this is if he sees he has a problem and wants help. Until then you just speak you peace, then leave him be and make yourself scarce.

    If it gets bad, take a break from it and go stay at a friends place for a few days.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Dad has demo'd that he'll turn violent if provoked. That's a stunning thing to recognize, so I can appreciate your numbness in facing gravity of that. Your next step is to decide whether you'll want to either 1) find an alternative to living there, or 2) remain living in Dad's home. If you remain, decide whether you'll want to make the situation 1) harder on yourself, or 2) easier.

    If you opt for easier, then consider that you can behave in your own best interests regardless of how you 'feel' about those actions. For instance, you may not feel entirely sincere in telling Dad, "I understand that I was out of line in criticizing you, and I apologize. I won't do it again." However, it paves the way for an easier time for YOU to remain in Dad's home. From there you can put your focus on your OWN growth and development without policing Dad's. You can remain respectful and useful while building bonds with other family members and friends, and over time you may recognize ways that you can regain your concern for Dad without trying to parent him.

    One of the milestones of adulthood is recognizing that our role with our parents shifts from one of a child to one of an adult equal. This doesn't entitle us to adopt the role of our parent's parent. We see their flaws through new eyes, and we can choose the degree to which this 'must' mean adopting contempt for them. It's far more difficult to hold contempt for someone on whom we are dependent--so decide how difficult your dependency 'must' be for you.

    It's your decision.


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