Depressed and Hurting While Trying to Support Boyfriend

I'm extremely stressed out. My boyfriend has a son from a previous relationship. His son's mother does not want him to see is son. He says it's because he's moved on with me. He is also concerned about his son's well-being because his mother does not have stable housing, and he is being dropped off to various different people when she is at work. There are also allegations of neglect, and child abuse. He has gone to the police, and child services with no help. He has previous convictions, and it appears that they are holding it against him, and not taking him seriously.

Today he went and took his son from daycare without speaking to his child's mother first (they are not on speaking terms anyway). My boyfriend is not working right now, and is staying with me. I am paying for everything. So now he brings his son there who will be living with us. I have been trying to support him the best way I can, but its taking a toll on me mentally, and financially. My landlord doesn't want kids there, but he doesn't seem to understand that. He wants to move to a bigger house to accommodate his son, but I really can't afford it. We looked at a place, but it's $700 more than what I'm paying now. With him not working that will be very hard for me to pay with added bills, groceries, gas, etc.

I also had a miscarriage a month ago today, and taking it really hard. Having his 2 year old there is a constant reminder. I told him how I feel, but he says I should just move on. I may be pregnant again, and don't want to be stressed, and risk losing another baby.

I really don't know what to do. I want to support my boyfriend, but I feel like he's handling this situation in the wrong way. When I tell him this he gets angry, and does what he wants anyway. I shouldn't have to support him, and his 2 year old son too while grieving a loss of my own. I know he was hurting by not being able to see his son. I want to support him, but I don't want to lose myself either. I've become extremely depressed, and feel like giving up. Any advice would be great.

Dear me, a lot to ask about here:

1) Why is your boyfriend not working?

2) What are his prior convictions? Is this the reason he cannot find a job now?

3) Has he consulted a lawyer about visitation and his parental rights? Do you know with certainty that he has actually reported his concerns to the police and child protective services? If he has serious and quantifiable concerns about this little one's safety, I find it hard to fathom that child services would sit on their hands and do absolutely nothing.

4) How did you get yourself into this? Meaning, where did you meet this man and how quickly did he move in with you and get you to agree to pay for everything?

5) I am sorry for your miscarriage. However, knowing what you know about this man and his freeloading ways and dismissive attitude, how did you wind up pregnant again?

No, you should not have to support him and his son all by yourself. That is absurd. Before offering advice, I would be interested to hear your answers to the above questions so I can give more detailed feedback.

You are being USED! Your boyfriend is a criminal and he has kidnapped his child. He is running a scam where you're supporting him and when you're out of money and has borrowed as much as you can, he will be gone. And on top of all this, you're trying to get pregnant? Girl, wake up! You're going to be penniless and out on the street. And you could be arrested for being an accessory to kidnapping. You should call the cops on this guy and get him out of your life.

1. He was working with his father's company and quit

2. He was in prison for something he didn't do years ago. I believe that's why he can't find a job. He has another interview tomorrow.

3. He has been to the court to try and get access, but hasn't taken the form in. There is no custody agreement at present. The police informed him that he can take his son at any time, but I'm scared that it will backfire. We don't live in the US so the laws here are different.

1. He was working with his father's company and quit

2. He was in prison for something he didn't do years ago. I believe that's why he can't find a job. He has another interview tomorrow.

3. He has been to the court to try and get access, but hasn't taken the form in. There is no custody agreement at present. The police informed him that he can take his son at any time, but I'm scared that it will backfire. We don't live in the US so the laws here are different.

And why did he quit that job? What is it he says he didn't do that landed him in jail?

He can't exactly complain about the courts not giving him more access to his son when he hasn't even submitted the paperwork. Why has he not done this?

What about my fourth and fifth questions, regarding how you wound up in this position with him?

For what it's worth, I don't live in the US either. But he should most definitely contact a family lawyer in your jurisdiction to figure out what exactly his rights are as the child's father. I realize I have a lot of questions, but I am just trying to get a sense of the bigger context to your current problems with him. This just sounds dysfunctional on a number of levels.

For most people, your standards are miles below the ground, OP. But considering you're actions in all this, I'm not sure you're standards are too far off kilter

Why would you date a guy like this? He's a criminal, a dead beat, has a crazy 'baby mama' in the picture, kidnapped his son (which you're an accessory too btw) AND he's a mooch expecting you to support him and his son...whyyyyy?

And to top it off, you're trying to get pregnant with his child? Without giving a fraction of a thought as to what it would be like for another child to be brought into this mess? How selfish of you to willingly bring a child into this messed up dynamic.

Why engage in and perpetuate such low value behavior?