Long distance + partying

Hello. I’m sorry I know this will be a long text but I need someone to talk to and to understand my situation, so thank you for reading.

Me (17) and my boyfriend (20) live a 10 hour train ride away from eachother. We have dated for about 2 years now. We usually get to meet once every 2 months for a week, but now it’s summer and we get to spend more days together.

Today is the 30th day we spent together and the day he left. He drove to visit me (14 hours in car) and left about 5 hours ago to go to a festival he got tickets for, even though we both got 2 weeks of vacation left. I am a shy type of girl who doesn’t like partying so I’d never want to go to that huge festival but the post visit depression starts growing already 2 days before we separate. last night, the night before he left I cried on his shoulder saying I don’t want him to go, I even said that I want to go with him since we both got vacation still.

He reminded me that the festival is 18+ and that he lives close to it so all of his friends will be staying at his place over the weekend. I told him I’ll be okay with that, but then he added that he wants to go partying with his childhood friends for the last week of his vacation, so I just stopped asking to go with him because I know I’d never handle that so I didn’t want to ruin it for him.

The post visit depression is worse than it has ever been. I can’t stop worrying about everything. I am scared if he will do anything bad behind my back because he is basically going to be partying for 2 weeks.

Last night when we were going to sleep knowing he’d leave the next morning just broke my heart, so I layed down close to him so my stomach touched his back and rested my head on his shoulder. He pushed me off while sighing and called me annoying for waking him up. I didn’t know he was sleeping so I apologized and got really sad for hurting him when I just wanted to show love. I was already depressed and wanted to cry really hard but I tried my best to hold it in. when he heard me sniffing he sighed really heavily as if I was annoying again. it is understandable though because he had a 14 hour car ride waiting for him and it was 12 am in the morning but it felt like my depression took over my body.

The next morning when he was going to leave, I gave him a kiss and said «i’m really sorry if I annoyed you last night, I don’t know what was going through my head» and he said «Oh yea you were really f*cking annoying» and we said our goodbyes and he left.

I don’t know why this hurts so much. I’m scared. He seemed so annoyed when he left and I feel like a mistake. Does anyone have any advice for me? I’m scared he will lose feelings for me

Hi Stephh! I don’t think you are wrong for feeling sad that he is leaving you, but I don’t think it was necessary for him to leave you that way knowing that you are already emotional. You seem like a sweet innocent girl, but it seems like he just wants to spend alone time with his friends after he spent the last month with you. He drove for 14 hours to come and be with you. What was the visit like? Was he different? As I said it is completely understandable for you to be sad about him leaving, but you also have to remember that he has spent the last month with you and he needs time with his friends as well. Do you feel like he is going to cheat? Has he before? If not then you kind of have to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that he won’t. It is so hard when someone you love lives so far away, there is NEVER enough time to spend with them. I hope this helps, keep your head up girl, don’t be sad that he left just remember the good times you had together during your visit.

Is he away at college? How is it he lives this far from you? He seems to making this long trip to you all the time. It sounds like he wants his freedom, independence and adventures that are appropriate for his age.

So he seems to view you as a kid who is holding him back. But then you should breakup rather that guilt-trip him not to go with sniveling, etc. and he shouldn't be calling you "annoying". Unfortunately that's a sign that you are both outgrowing the relationship and going in different directions.

Me (17) and my boyfriend (20) live a 10 hour train ride away from eachother. We have dated for about 2 years now.

He reminded me that the festival is 18+ and that he lives close to it so all of his friends will be staying at his place over the weekend.

His response to your apology was rude, but it was telling. He appears to feel smothered and doesn't know how to handle your separation anxiety. He also doesn't want to feel guilty for going to have fun with his friends after having spent 30 days with you. I understand it's hard to say goodbye to a long-distance love, so I do sympathize with you. However, he likely viewed this as you attempting to make him feel guilty and change his mind about not inviting you. That's my interpretation of his behaviour, anyway.

Regarding this festival, there's not much he could have done if it's 18+ and you are only 17. You can't attend, and that's not his choice. You were also clear that you don't like huge parties, which I am sure he knows. He made an educated guess that you wouldn't enjoy this type of event. Even if you were old enough, I wonder how much you would really have liked being there. It doesn't sound like your scene, and perhaps he's worried he'd need to worry more about whether you are having fun than actually enjoying the event himself.

If he is committed to you, he won't do anything bad at this music festival. But if he does, unfortunately, you know that he is not invested anymore and it's time to break up.

How long have you been together?

Your feelings are understandable; and he does sound annoyed (right or wrong). I think the best thing to do is to really back off from him. This means focus on you and your friends, find things that interest you so you are not feeling as if you are dependent on him to be happy. I am not saying you are, but the shift in your priorities is something he will definitely feel and he may just snap right back to not feeling so "annoyed."

He reminded me that the festival is 18+ and that he lives close to it so all of his friends will be staying at his place over the weekend. I told him I’ll be okay with that, but then he added that he wants to go partying with his childhood friends for the last week of his vacation, so I just stopped asking to go with him because I know I’d never handle that so I didn’t want to ruin it for him.

I’m assuming you live in the US... Just wait until a year from now when he turns 21 and starts doing bar hopping/clubbing and going to 21+ events. You definitely won’t be able to keep up with him socially.

I definitely think he has outgrown you and you both are incompatible due to age differences. You aren’t into the party scene and may never be. That’s ok. However, he shouldn’t be held back either from experiencing partying with his friends.

Long distance and age differences here are going to tear you guys apart. I’m sorry, but I don’t think this relationship will last. And this is coming from someone who married a guy who once was 10 hours away for a year.

He did ask me if I felt like he was prioritizing his friends over me, and I said "no of course not, I want you to have fun with them but I don't want you to do stupid things behind my back" and that's what started making him feel a little annoyed. We have been together for 2 years

While he is enjoying this festival - it would be a great time for you to make some plans of your own doing something you love to do. Not in a spiteful way at all - but something that you think you would have fun doing. Maybe there is a park you always wanted to check out or some other activity that appeals that you could enjoy. You have additional vacation time too, right? Make the most of it. you will feel better and he will notice.