What are some examples of when breaking NC went wrong for you?

How about sharing some times when breaking No Contact went wrong for you.

Did you feel like he/she was thinking "why aren't they contacting me? All im waiting on is for them to reach out." Or maybe you thought "they really dont know how I feel. If I just pour my heart out they'll change their mind." Or possibly "if I dont contact them now, they'll forget about me and move on. I can't let that happen."

It seems like all of us struggle with wanting to break NC. Maybe it would help to hear firsthand how it's a bad idea, even when it seems like the only logical thing to do.

If breaking NC went RIGHT for you, I'd love to hear about that, too.

Don't forget "I know my ex WANTS to reach out, but he/she is STUBBORN. So it HAS to be me who reaches out."

My ex told me we would remain friends. So I went over to his house (after all, FRIENDS visit each other, right??) and the younger woman he'd dumped me for was out front when I drove up. Super awkward and embarrassing. I ended up calling him to apologize, and of course he didn't pick up the call. Another time I did an early morning stalkerish drive by and his dad was out front. After that I stopped the drive bys.

Don't forget "I know my ex WANTS to reach out, but he/she is STUBBORN. So it HAS to be me who reaches out."

Yep forgot about that one. My ex is reallllll stubborn. Im gonna have to be the one ;)

Another time I did an early morning stalkerish drive by and his dad was out front. After that I stopped the drive bys.

Im sorry but I have to laugh at this, mainly because I did a drive by this morning. I try to plan it so I have the best chance of exit if someone is outside.

Yep forgot about that one. My ex is reallllll stubborn. Im gonna have to be the one ;)

 

 

 

Im sorry but I have to laugh at this, mainly because I did a drive by this morning. I try to plan it so I have the best chance of exit if someone is outside.

What are you hoping to see with your drive bys?

I wanted to see if she had someone else yet. I haven't done one in months but I woke up from a very long dream about her and was in tears. I felt like I had to know.

I wanted to see if she had someone else yet. I haven't done one in months but I woke up from a very long dream about her and was in tears. I felt like I had to know.

honesty, nothing bad ever happened when i broke it. i usually got them back. but it would be short lived and then start nc over which was just that much worse.

The worst breakup I ever dealt with was 6 years ago. It was a damn nightmare. I had to fly to Seattle for work and I broke down when I got to my hotel because Seattle is where I was supposed to propose to her about 2 months later. I broke down and emailed her (was about 1 month into NC). I wrote her literally like 6 pages apologizing for everything, how I'm getting help, and how much I loved her. I remember talking about how I'm going to therapy and I'm on meds now. She must have thought I was a damn nut job, lol. She never responded of course and in the end it didn't matter because we still never spoke again. When I think back on it, I just feel embarrassed and ashamed. I wish someone would have stopped me from hitting the send button.

awww.... mornings are rough.

I had no idea mornings were this bad. For some weird reason I am only now starting to dream about her regularly and its been 3 months. Maybe I've been in denial this whole time.

honesty, nothing bad ever happened when i broke it. i usually got them back. but it would be short lived and then start nc over which was just that much worse.

was it short lived because the same problems that broke you up the first time just came right back?

The worst breakup I ever dealt with was 6 years ago. It was a damn nightmare. I had to fly to Seattle for work and I broke down when I got to my hotel because Seattle is where I was supposed to propose to her about 2 months later. I broke down and emailed her (was about 1 month into NC). I wrote her literally like 6 pages apologizing for everything, how I'm getting help, and how much I loved her. I remember talking about how I'm going to therapy and I'm on meds now. She must have thought I was a damn nut job, lol. She never responded of course and in the end it didn't matter because we still never spoke again. When I think back on it, I just feel embarrassed and ashamed. I wish someone would have stopped me from hitting the send button.

Ouch. This sounds so painful. You really opened yourself up to her and took all of the blame. Im sure she felt horrible about it and didn't know what to say back. It would be so redeeming for her to eventually give you some credit though. I feel like thats where people drop the ball

I had no idea mornings were this bad. For some weird reason I am only now starting to dream about her regularly and its been 3 months. Maybe I've been in denial this whole time.

 

 

was it short lived because the same problems that broke you up the first time just came right back?

mornings can be very bad.... bc u remember what you forgot while sleeping.

dreams of the ex are painful. could mean they are thinking of you, too. that's what i heard... when you dream of someone they are thinking of you.

but that's not to give you hope either. because we know through science that dreams, REM sleep etc, are how our brains.work through difficulties. so its more than likely, those are a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings.

yes. exactly... same issues and problems reappear. and its like ground hog day....

my ex used to drink chamomile tea and said it helped his sleep.

because we know through science that dreams, REM sleep etc, are how our brains.work through difficulties. so its more than likely, those are a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings.

I would be completely ok with that being the reason as long as I am making progress, even if its in my sleep. But you're right, its like when you open your eyes you experience all of the emotions from the dream. Its like the momentum of the dream carries into your waking moments and you dont even understand whats happened.

my ex used to drink chamomile tea and said it helped his sleep.

Ill give this a shot

Breaking No Contact has been the right thing for me, up until the current no contact.

At first, she broke up with me and I went No Contact because she made it seem like maybe we could get back together. I was in heavy contact with her for about 7 weeks before, after it seemed like we were making no real progress (she didn't open up about anything, didn't have anything to say about me, and didn't know her boundaries), I decided to go no contact for a while to give her space to think. I do not think it was wrong of me to believe the words of someone I'd loved so much.

The second, I re-initiated contact with her after 3 weeks. She seemed more eager to talk to me than before and would open up to me a bit more. However, after a week, I'd prodded and she revealed that she was dating someone else -- turns out my suspicion that she left me to date this other person was right. I went no contact after that, and have been no contact since. I was right to break no contact because it gave me confirmation to stop wasting my time and devotion on her.

She has thrown breadcrumbs at me, and while I technically broke no contact to say thanks to a birthday text 3 months ago, I haven't reached out or responded to her in any way. I still struggle with knowing if this is the right or wrong thing to do, but I know I should not break no contact because, at this point, she has fundamentally changed the way I view her -- she'd have to prove that she's not as I have conjured her to be during this period of NC to even be worth contacting.

I heard he is happy with someone new . A girl he met a month after me . This really tore me apart and I wish I never contacted him .

I am not sure if that will happen to you but just make sure your emotionally prepared if she says something like that. It can put u back in recovery. Please don't think I am trying to take your hope away though, everyone is different .

Wish u luck

I heard he is happy with someone new . A girl he met a month after me . This really tore me apart and I wish I never contacted him .

 

I am not sure if that will happen to you but just make sure your emotionally prepared if she says something like that. It can put u back in recovery. Please don't think I am trying to take your hope away though, everyone is different .

 

Wish u luck

I heard he is happy with someone new . A girl he met a month after me . This really tore me apart and I wish I never contacted him .

 

I am not sure if that will happen to you but just make sure your emotionally prepared if she says something like that. It can put u back in recovery. Please don't think I am trying to take your hope away though, everyone is different .

 

Wish u luck

it would absolutely SUCK to find that out. Maybe some things are just better left alone. On the other hand it could really speed up the acceptance of it all.

Today!

We split up 4 months ago and were NC straight away. About 6 weeks ago, he called me - crying, saying he missed me, had made a mistake etc.

It was totally out of the blue as I never thought I would hear from him again. At first I felt OK, because at the time I was feeling better. And - I hadn’t been the one to break NC, he did (I know, I shouldn’t have answered the call). But despite saying he’d call again, he didn’t. After a week it was driving me mad, so I text him and he replied “he shouldn’t have contacted me”.

I was straight back to square one, and haven’t felt any better for the past 6 weeks. In fact, now it’s worse as there’s still a small part of me thinking (hoping?) he’ll call again.... whereas prior to that call I NEVER thought I’d hear from him, and so was doing my best to move on.

I should add, he suffers from depression - he’s on medication, has been signed off work etc. His illness contributed to our breakup, it’s never fully been clear whether he really didn’t want to be with me, or if his illness clouded his thinking.

And I use that excuse in my head all the time!!!!! Our breakup isn’t “real”, he’s just ill, he’s called once before etc etc etc.

So today I text him, asked how he was feeling. I’ve had no reply at all, so of course I’m agonising, plus the iPhone iMessage was initially “undeliverable” and “sent as text message instead” so that’s adding to my paranoia - did he even receive it? Why didn’t it send as an iMessage?!?!?! Where is he?!?!?

If I’d blocked him on day one, or at least not responded when he called me, I’m sure I’d be in a better place by now, because I was certainly heading that way after the first 10 weeks of NC.

And that’s my experience - but I’m sure I can’t be the only one to suffer as a result of breaking NC. Don’t do it, it’s not worth it.

I heard he is happy with someone new . A girl he met a month after me . This really tore me apart and I wish I never contacted him .

 

I am not sure if that will happen to you but just make sure your emotionally prepared if she says something like that. It can put u back in recovery. Please don't think I am trying to take your hope away though, everyone is different .

 

Wish u luck

It's the reason I make sure I never try and search for her on Facebook...the thought of seeing her with someone else is enough to make me avoid ever looking. I blocked for time, but when I had to block someone else, I saw her name there again on the block list (and she'd changed it from first name, middle name to first name and surname). Seeing the change turned my stomach (purely as it was a small change in her life post us), so I figured I'd unblock and trust myself never to look....so far so good!

Today!

 

We split up 4 months ago and were NC straight away. About 6 weeks ago, he called me - crying, saying he missed me, had made a mistake etc.

 

It was totally out of the blue as I never thought I would hear from him again. At first I felt OK, because at the time I was feeling better. And - I hadn’t been the one to break NC, he did (I know, I shouldn’t have answered the call). But despite saying he’d call again, he didn’t. After a week it was driving me mad, so I text him and he replied “he shouldn’t have contacted me”.

 

I was straight back to square one, and haven’t felt any better for the past 6 weeks. In fact, now it’s worse as there’s still a small part of me thinking (hoping?) he’ll call again.... whereas prior to that call I NEVER thought I’d hear from him, and so was doing my best to move on.

 

I should add, he suffers from depression - he’s on medication, has been signed off work etc. His illness contributed to our breakup, it’s never fully been clear whether he really didn’t want to be with me, or if his illness clouded his thinking.

 

And I use that excuse in my head all the time!!!!! Our breakup isn’t “real”, he’s just ill, he’s called once before etc etc etc.

 

So today I text him, asked how he was feeling. I’ve had no reply at all, so of course I’m agonising, plus the iPhone iMessage was initially “undeliverable” and “sent as text message instead” so that’s adding to my paranoia - did he even receive it? Why didn’t it send as an iMessage?!?!?! Where is he?!?!?

 

If I’d blocked him on day one, or at least not responded when he called me, I’m sure I’d be in a better place by now, because I was certainly heading that way after the first 10 weeks of NC.

 

And that’s my experience - but I’m sure I can’t be the only one to suffer as a result of breaking NC. Don’t do it, it’s not worth it.

This is agonizing to read. I can totally understand having hope where there was once none. I think it will make you stronger in your conviction in the long run, although im sure it really sucks right now. Sorry you had to go through that!

This is agonizing to read. I can totally understand having hope where there was once none. I think it will make you stronger in your conviction in the long run, although im sure it really sucks right now. Sorry you had to go through that!

Thank you TeddyPSmith, and you're so right, it’s actually easier when you have no hope. So maybe this is a good thing, as his lack of response speaks volumes, so maybe I’ll get back on track? And if I can just take my own advice from now on (which I’ll repeat for everyone else) .... don’t break NC..... :-(

Wishing you all the best.

The worst breakup I ever dealt with was 6 years ago. It was a damn nightmare. I had to fly to Seattle for work and I broke down when I got to my hotel because Seattle is where I was supposed to propose to her about 2 months later. I broke down and emailed her (was about 1 month into NC). I wrote her literally like 6 pages apologizing for everything, how I'm getting help, and how much I loved her. I remember talking about how I'm going to therapy and I'm on meds now. She must have thought I was a damn nut job, lol. She never responded of course and in the end it didn't matter because we still never spoke again. When I think back on it, I just feel embarrassed and ashamed. I wish someone would have stopped me from hitting the send button.

You are like my enotalone twin because I did the exact same thing just not to that extent. I apologized for everything and said I was going through a lot( he probably thought I was even more of a nut job because he already thought I was one before lol) with no response . I feel embarrassed and ashamed as well too and mine is a little more fresh. But for some reason I'm giggling about it now.

For the original question, I broke NC with this guy I talked to before my last ex and we got back together after I begged. Welp, we wind up breaking up again but this time it was worse because it was right after I'd finally had sex with him. Total waste of time lol don't do it. He does,however, stalk me on social media now and regrets losing me. So I gained a little more dignity I guess. Moral of the story, don't try to fix what's conpletely broken. You just wind up with more cuts and scars.