Getting worse not better

I really don't know what to do with myself today, I've spent most the day alone as all my friends are busy with their families/partners.

I've spend a lot of the day crying and just feeling depressed that my relationship is really over.

I miss my life before so much I just want it all back.

I can't concentrate on anything to do anything to take my mind of it I just want to cry.

I just feel complete despair and feel like nothing in my life is good or is going to be good again. I'm dreading the rest of the weekend as I have no plans with anyone and everyone is busy.

Anywhere and everywhere I go just reminds me that I'm alone and I should be doing these things with him.

It'll be 3 weeks since the break up this weekend. I know how I'm dealing with this isn't healthy but I don't know what else to do and how to shake myself out of this.

Someone please tell me when this will get better.

It will get better.

I am on the same boat with you.

BU was last September.

But I cried and begged until last month. Putting myself like a doormat. Then NC since early April.

So our situation might be different but there were times, I was just staying on bed for 5 straight days. Only got off bed when I was picking up my food from GrubHub.

I tried to do one small thing everyday.

There were days that the only accomplishment I had was throwing the trash to the dumpster. The rest was just laying on bed. Either sleeping or going here to read stories about Getting Back Together.

I even tried to watch the goriest horror movie to "wake me up" to no avail. The jump scare did not affect me and the mutilated flesh did not gross me out whatsoever.

IT WILL GET BETTER. I start feeling tired thinking of him. The thought of your ex would start to feel like your past. I can start feeling the groove on my own. The words he said to me hurted me less and less everyday.

Now, I can work out again. I went out to a supermarket.

And not to give hope or anything: there is a possibility that your ex will come back. The BU is not necessarily the end - if that's what you think it is.

People evolve.

Good luck!

We are here for you!

Good luck.

I have a few breakups under my belt and I remember clearly how you feel.

Just trust that everything you are feeling is normal.

I used to run away from those lonely moments. I kept as busy as possible. But that grief was always waiting for me. I either dealt with it or it dealt with me.

This upcoming weekend. . if it were me, it sit right in the middle of it and let the wave pass through me. Last time I did this I pushed to just be comfortable with myself and alone.

It took some time but at some point you get the hang of it and it actually becomes a relief. I ended up enjoying my own company and started doing things I liked to do alone.

We've all been through and came out the other side ok.

Hang in there.

It does get better.

What helped me take my mind of matters is going to meet-ups and learning something new. Anything fun, basically. I had to make an effort though. But it was worth it.

Are there some meet up groups in your area that you could join? Why not take a class in something you've always wanted to do but couldn't (e.g. photography, diving, dancing, etc)?

Not sure how long you were together, but it may be a long road before you are feeling yourself again.

After my ex gf of 7 years left me, my entire world came crashing down. I lost 40lbs in 2 months from not eating and cried every day.

Nightmares were often and vivid, and the only relief I had was sleep. If not for my dog I would have killed myself. This lasted about 6 months.

Now, almost 2 years later I’ve grown accustomed to my alone time and actually like it. I’m not 100% healed but I’m worlds better than I was. She is starting to fade into my past which is opening up room for the next (and hopefully last) great love of my life.

Just remember, the journey has an end. No fireworks or balloons, but it will end quietly and one day you’ll realize you don’t care anymore.

In the meantime, don’t take on any destructive habits and be ok with not being ok.

It's okay to give yourself time to feel the pain. I got dumped a month ago, and I found it hard to maintain a good balance of having time to myself to heal and think, and distracting myself by spending time with people/doing things. Don't beat yourself up for not being as far along in your process as you expected, but also commit to YOURSELF and respect yourself enough to take small steps to recovery. Do it for yourself, because you are worth it. Exercise every day. Seek out a therapist or counsellor. Trust your friends and family, even though they are busy they care about you. Read self help books. Somewhere along the line you should sign up for a class you've always wanted to take. These things may seem futile now but in your heart you know exactly what steps to take to heal and better yourself.

Acknowledge and respect your feelings, both negative and positive. Trust that what you're feeling is something that will be healed with time. Know that you are whole and complete and the end of a relationship does not mean the end of you - in fact, quite the opposite. I promise it will get better, coming from someone who was in your position two weeks ago.

Thanks for everyone's advice. Hearing everyone say how it's taken months or years to feel better is really scary me. Everyday is torture. I can't imagine another week like this let alone a year.

Another thing that helped was to acknowledge any process.

I could have a particularly awful day but if I looked back at how I felt a couple days ago, or a couple weeks prior I had to admit that even though it really hurt in the moment, that it was better then it was before.

If you can see the progress it helps to know that it does get better. Never as fast as we may like it to, but it's progress nonetheless.

Just make it through the day. It’s gonna be torturous. It’s gonna be hard, mundane, and very uneventful.

EAT. I know it sounds unimportant right now, but do it. It will help you. Block all communication. Don’t make things harder on yourself by trying to fix what’s broken at this moment. You’re in survival mode.

Life right now is dark and you may not have a lot of strength, that’s ok. Feeling the way you are right now is the risk you took by loving another human being. Remember that next time you give your heart way.

Just make it through each and every day. Do it over and over again. It WILL get better. Weekends are harder in my experience at early stages. Stay strong and when Sunday rolls around look at it as if you survived round one. The go for two. Over and over till eventually you’re OK. Not completely healed, just ok.

Hang in there. I was in your shoes recently. Hopefully you can make a clean break without any further complications. Do you and your ex share kids ?

It will get better. I've experienced a few break-ups and always it seems to be the same fluctuating process - you have to go through it to get out of it. It is so painful but there is a healing process going on, too. I feel as you do at the moment - I spend most of my time in bed and my attention span for anything is very limited. I just find myself thinking about her, going over and over my theories, experiences, memories. I do know that this is what I always do - it's just my way of getting by. I would say whatever you are going through, the way you are processing this, is normal. Some days it feels worse, another day you might experience relief - I think it undulates. I tend to go for long walks, or exercise - it helps to unload some of the pain, but I can't do much else. You are definitely not alone - so vent, express, cry on here.

It has been 5 months for me . And I am not as bad as I was the first month but still sad and I miss him alot and all the what ifs and why's.

There some days I feel numb and that is so much better than feeling sad and depressed . Apparently everyone says time and it has scared me too when I hear it has taken some ppl a year or 2 to get over their ex . I don't want to feel like this any longer either .

Maybe try therapy, keep trying stuff that is what I am doing . I don't know if this helped at all but just wanted tell your not alone . I feel same as u.

I'm sorry to hear about so many people that are hurting in the same way I did a couple of years ago. It was the worst time of my life - period.

But eventually, things got better. It's taken about 2 years to get over her but just the other day, I heard news from a mutual friend that she's got a new guy and a new house, etc. I will admit that I've been ruminating on her, but only briefly and none of the heartburn or insomnia, or urges to creep her on social media have returned. I'm going to take this as a sign of progress.

Just remember that what you're going through is normal. But don't think that hurting yourself or others in any way will help ease your pain or make people understand what you're going through.

A lot of you are looking for a "quick fix" to move past this painful process but it doesn't work this way. However, if you take the time to read and learn about people and relationships, positively change negative things in your life (physical, mental, emotional) through various means, you'll move through this ish faster than you think.

When I really was at the bottom of the recovery bell curve, I chose to learn something new every day about relationships or some other topic - as sort of a small daily goal. I had always been a gym rat, so hitting the gym really wasn't anything new in my life. However, after trying to date half of the age appropriate women in my city (and after seeing it wasn't helping) I did start setting a goal of trying to find an event every weekend that I would go to on my own that was something I hadn't experienced before. I went to art galleries, our aquariums and zoos, went to cooking classes, took some advanced guitar lessons, high performance driving schools (awesome), etc. In a weird way, I realized I was really learning a lot about myself through these experiences and through therapy.

Essentially, I gave myself the time and space to start "moving the needle" in a positive way. I won't lie. I still think about my ex but the self-inflicted pain that came from the false hope of reconciliation began to subside after about a year or so.

After a while, I found that I really felt good about sharing my sad little story but even more, trying to give hope to those that are hurting out here.

Be good to yourselves. The light at the end of the tunnel is closer than you think.

I could chip in here to tell you , you must give it TIME, there is no quick fix, I only got one heartbreak last Sept, that destabilized me no doubt, but I tell you it gets amazing, really amazing. this not only changes you, it brings out your self love, eliminates the previous need for external validation, it feels like you are born again, alone with yourself, you rise from the ashes and only get better.

You might not admit it but other parts of your life suffered when you were in a relationship, now is a time for self development, whether it be work, school, inter personal relationships.

GROW GROW GROW, give it time, you always come out better.

Breakup pain is very unique. It's a kind of pain that feels like it's never ever ever going to go away.

Breathe through it. Deep breaths. Observe/feel/embrace the pain and lonlieness. The more you feel it, the sooner it goes away.

And remember, feeling worse is absolutely normal. It's not supposed to be a straight decline of suffering. It's a wavy/bumpy ride. 2-4 weeks is probably the toughest because you've come to reality that the relationship is done.

This acceptance means that you're getting better in a way.

You're not alone.

I really don't know what to do with myself today, I've spent most the day alone as all my friends are busy with their families/partners.

 

I've spend a lot of the day crying and just feeling depressed that my relationship is really over.

 

I miss my life before so much I just want it all back.

 

I can't concentrate on anything to do anything to take my mind of it I just want to cry.

 

I just feel complete despair and feel like nothing in my life is good or is going to be good again. I'm dreading the rest of the weekend as I have no plans with anyone and everyone is busy.

 

Anywhere and everywhere I go just reminds me that I'm alone and I should be doing these things with him.

 

It'll be 3 weeks since the break up this weekend. I know how I'm dealing with this isn't healthy but I don't know what else to do and how to shake myself out of this.

 

Someone please tell me when this will get better.

First of all, what you are feeling is natural and you WILL get over it, even though you are having a hard time dealing with the breakup. It is very hard to be on the receiving end of a break up, even if the person treated you poorly. BUT, you have to trust me on this one, you are far better off without hhim especially if he did not respect you as a person! Everything you wrote here resonates with all the broken hearted. You are not alone and this is how it feels. It hurts.

Do not let this consume your life, please. Get out there and stay active, exercise helps with depression. Remember to eat well as vitamin deficiencies can make depression worse. Fill your mind with anything and everything, school, work, etc.. Listen to music you don't normally listen to, rap or heavy metal (seriously). Listen to talk radio such as NPR instead of music. Go to different places and see different people. Say hello to everyone!!

DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE! This just feeds your depression as we are all our own worst critics., especially while depressed and going through a breakup. We have the tendency to find problems with ourselves, things that other people just don’t see because our brains are working overtime to make us feel worse. The key is to realize that you are being silly in letting yourself entertain this line of thinking. We amazingly can convince ourselves of just about anything while feeling down. Trust me though if you are able to change the way you view your situation and see the big picture, you will find your spunkiness, your zest for life, your feeling of excitement and future happiness! You are walking around with blinders on right now. Open your eyes to the big wide world.

WE are all here for you.

Mitch

I am in the same boat as you. My boyfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago as well and I am in that same place. Whenever I’m alone all I think of is him. It almost feels like a drug addiction. You’re not alone. You are not expected to be healed right away, just as I don’t expect myself to be. We just need to let ourselves feel the emotions, as painful as they are. Healing may be a long process unfortunately. But we will get through it.

Hi

Sorry, I dont mean to hijack a thread but I am new and not really sure where to post!

I broke up with my ex after 2 and a bit years some 5 weeks ago. I had felt things had not been right for a few weeks and he was always on his phone, when I questioned it and he refused to show me his messages he broke up with me citing "wanting different things". I found out later that night, despite him telling me black and blue that he was not cheating, he had been sending LOTS of inappropriate messages to his co-worker (who is married) indicating wanting to be together and other things I will not get into. I also found out he had kissed another girl whilst on holidays alone the year before. Despite all this but it was still very much out of the blue and I never, EVER thought he would cheat. We were discussing buying a house together and were living together, had planned holidays together...

Anyway, he has been in contact with me almost everyday since. When I have asked for no contact to allow myself to move on, it has lasted a week before he has found some reason to contact me. Despite HIM blocking me from messaging him on social media and by phone. HE still contacts me via email, wanting to know how I am going, how work is etc.I have seen him in person a few times since, every time he tells me he loves me, he always will and tries to be very affectionate.

The other week I had found out he sent flowers to this girl, when I questioned him, he told me he was saying sorry and he was trying to re-write all his wrongs (I do not for a moment believe this). Since then, he has rushed over to mine (he rents a few streets over now) to comfort me when I have been upset, he continues with the emails and he even popped up at my gate one morning as I was leaving for work to say hi. The night he came over to comfort me he was being overly affectionate with his words and told me "I am amazing and perhaps he didnt realise how amazing I was until he messed up).

Since we have broken up he is going to counselling and he is also drinking a lot more. He met me with nothing and he lives now as an almost 40yr old with nothing (literally nothing). During our time together the only time we fought was because he would go out very often with a mate who is a bad influence and they would be out for 12+ hours, not returning till the early hours of the morning. I know he felt like I was controlling or not-fun. His emails go from being talkative and affectionate to being blunt and cold.

Initially, after we had broken up, he would indicate in messaging and talking that perhaps there was a future for us again (with a lot of work).....Eventually I bluntly told him that I wanted to reconcile and he blew that off as not knowing how to answer and that he didn't want to hurt me again. So I know that he does not want to get back together. My question is, why does he keep contacting me and seeing me? I get that he may be lonely (he has a much bigger support base than myself), but I don't understand his head-space and unfortunately I am not in the right head-space to deal with this.

Sorry I feel like this is a long post, and I haven't even scratched the surface with everything so I apologise.