I need your help, I need to get things back as they were

Hey guys,

I am an 18 year-old boy in a relationship with a girl for 3 months and a half already. We had known each other for an year, I made several attempts in the past to be with her, but she didn't like me and my attention (she was in a relationship at first, later liked another guy). From December 2016 till August 2017 I gave her attention but it never really worked out. So, I decided to give up and I left her. She came back in late November, saying that she wants to be close friends with me again because I mean a lot to her. I knew that if I started communicating with her again, it would spark my feelings for her again. That's why I kept ignoring her a bit, despite that we were kinda friends again. She came to my volleyball matches, she gave me an extreme amount of attention and one night she just cried in front of me, being in a nerve shock, saying that she does her best in order to show how much she cares. That was the moment (December) when my feelings got back again. We started going out, cuddling, smiling to each other, we had great moments and in mid-January our relationship started.

In the beginning of the relationship everything was more than perfect (only my grades went a bit down because the relationship was so freaking exciting, I waited a lot to get her). In February, however, my parents started messing in our relationship and they limited my ability to go out with her that frequently because my grades went down. I didn't go out with her on really important dates: our first month anniversary, her birthday, and many other times when we either had to talk about something important, or we just had to see each other because after that we were not going to be able to go out for a week or more (holidays, etc.). I disappointed her a lot every moment when I didn't go out with her because she knew that my parents weren't letting me to do so which made me a kid in front of her eyes.

The problems with my parents recently stopped, so it was almost two months in which they had a lot of negative impact on our relationship. Still, she remained close to me. Her girlfriends kept telling her that it's not worth it and she has to break up with me, but she didn't listen. Last week, one of her best friends told her "In the beginning you were flowing out of happiness, you came to school every day, saying that you are in love and most of all you were excited. Now, you are always in bad mood." My girlfriend told this to me and she added that she doesn't want to be that girl anymore, she wants to be happy again. We recently had such bad conflicts that she told me that she has not hope that we are ever going to stop arguing.

3 days ago we had our most serious conflict in the subway where she cried a lot and told me that she doesn't know whether she wants to be with me anymore. She told me that her friends were also ignoring her recently, not showing the needed attention and qualities of a good friend, and that I was her only happiness, the only person who was fighting for her. I have promised her many times during the last two weeks that we will stop arguing and get the things back as they were and be happy again, but it didn't work out. My negative mood affected her, resulting in HER bad mood and then I wondered why she was in bad mood, not noticing that it is actually an outcome of my behavior towards her. She also told me that the moments of happiness in our relationship were faded by the frequent conflicts that we had (aka bad memories were more than happy ones). Last, but not least, she told me that her feeling were going away and I had to do something because our relationship was boring (for her).

I felt really bad in this situation and I asked her for one last chance to make her happy again. I promised her that I will do my best in order to get the spark in our relationship again and get the things as they were in the beginning. She gave it to me. Still, she is not a robot and even now I can notice that she is still recovering from the tough moments that we had for the last couple of days. I am having a tough last week in school (we are from the same school but she is 11th grade, i am 12th and I am graduating, so I have to fix my grades and make sure everything is alright) and I also have to get some time to prepare for the final exams. This is just for one week and during this one week I have to combine academic stuff and her (making her the happiest, throwing an enormous effort). After this week, I will be able to give her my full attention, as well as become more attractive because I will have more time to go to the gym and meet with friends so that she sees that my social life is great (this will make her feel secure).

I need your advice, tell me what to do and how to do it in order to get the things back as they were. She is literally my everything and I have to keep her and make her feel loved again. Please help me..

Thanks a lot in advance!

It sounds like you're both a bit immature for this relationship. She's demanding that you take her out more, even though you see her in school every day and take her out once a week. That sounds like about average for a high school relationship, by the way. I'm not sure how much more someone in school can do.

Also, you mentioned that you are arguing a lot, but you didn't write what is causing the arguments. Is it this theme that you're not seeing her enough? If that's the case, then you will never be able to please her. She may be too clingy and demanding.

But the bottom line is that any relationship where you're arguing a lot and feeling bad is a toxic relationship. You shouldn't be going through all this only 3 1/2 months into dating!

I don't think you can ever give her enough attention. Sure, the summer might be great where you can give her a lot of time, but if you're going away to college or getting a job, she'll be crying and complaining again. I think you need to be thinking about breaking up with her and finding a new girlfriend who isn't as demanding as she is.

Your girlfriend seems a bit too demanding and clingy. We all have issues in life that take priority and we can't be joined at the hip all the time. You yourself let your grades slip because of her, and you required parents to put their foot down and forced the priority - school. They know better than you and made the choice for you. It will always be something - school, job, kids, aging parents; there will be responsibilities, and there has to be a balance, and you simply cannot be at her beck and call 24/7. You're in high school and parents can really be a pain. Some more strict, others notsomuch, and we always had an understanding of that amongst ourselves and worked around it. If your parents or your lifestyle are not meeting her needs, she has the choice to make to leave and find something else, or accept your reality and work with it. Frankly, she seems too immature to be realistic, and you're not balancing yourself and your time well enough to keep yourself off of your parent's radar, which lends itself to your own immaturity --you're both young and you see each other at school every day and go out at least once a week, plus your social media. You have a LOT of time together. I'm not really sure what she wants, but it seems she wants way more than what is reasonable, and you're not going to be able to fix that. Summer might be great, but then it's back to the grind, and dare you get a job that requires your time and attention.

I know you care very much for her, but this much drama, this early, is too much, and perhaps she's just not the right one right now.

Part of growing up is learning how to balance your time. You weren't able to take her out ON her birthday due to circumstances, so why not just give her a card and a small gift on the day, and take her out on another day in a late (or early) birthday celebration? If this is unacceptable to her, then you're kind of stuck trying to determine if you are willing and able to meet her unreasonable demands.