Have I been used?

Hi guys!

So I need some advice. I met this guy on the first day of winter break and we started going on dates. I spent almost every day with him, we went for drinks, we went to an art gallery, it was all very sweet. He seemed really interested, he introduced me to his best friend and showed me off to his family members. I'm a student going to a college out of town, so after winter break finish I packed all my stuff and he promised to come see me. Eventually he came and visited me and all my friends loved him, this is where my trouble begins. When he came to see me we all went to a bar and got drunk, i got slightly too drunk and me and this guy ended up leaving early and going back home to sleep together. The next day he left and I apologised for getting so drunk. His replies to messages started to get more and more sporadic but when he did reply to me he told me everything was fine and even made jokes about how drunk I got. Now he hasn't messaged me back in nearly two weeks. Did I getting used? were those dates just there to butter me up so I'd sleep with him?

Any advice is appreciated.

Hi guys!

 

So I need some advice. I met this guy on the first day of winter break and we started going on dates. I spent almost every day with him, we went for drinks, we went to an art gallery, it was all very sweet. He seemed really interested, he introduced me to his best friend and showed me off to his family members. I'm a student going to a college out of town, so after winter break finish I packed all my stuff and he promised to come see me. Eventually he came and visited me and all my friends loved him, this is where my trouble begins. When he came to see me we all went to a bar and got drunk, i got slightly too drunk and me and this guy ended up leaving early and going back home to sleep together. The next day he left and I apologised for getting so drunk. His replies to messages started to get more and more sporadic but when he did reply to me he told me everything was fine and even made jokes about how drunk I got. Now he hasn't messaged me back in nearly two weeks. Did I getting used? were those dates just there to butter me up so I'd sleep with him?

 

Any advice is appreciated.

I don't think you were used. I think you chose to drink and chose the consequences -and you're fortunate that how it happened involved your consent (of course he shouldn't have taken advantage of you if you were too drunk to consent but it doesn't sound like that happened, I hope!). It sounds like you enjoyed the sex and being with him and it sounds like possibly he changed his mind about continuing to see you. Very often this can happen when dating is so new. Even if you spend every day together it's not the same as knowing someone over a longer period of time and seeing how they react to typical life experiences. You both enjoyed having sex and being together and not every relationship continues past the early stages. I'm sorry it's disappointing!

Did he ever say you two were dating, in a relationship, were exclusive or that you were his girlfriend?

Sounds like a spring break fling with a shelf life.

If it was a mutual decision to have sex, then I think he "used" you inasmuch as you "used" him as well.

I don't think you were used. I think you chose to drink and chose the consequences -and you're fortunate that how it happened involved your consent (of course he shouldn't have taken advantage of you if you were too drunk to consent but it doesn't sound like that happened, I hope!). It sounds like you enjoyed the sex and being with him and it sounds like possibly he changed his mind about continuing to see you. Very often this can happen when dating is so new. Even if you spend every day together it's not the same as knowing someone over a longer period of time and seeing how they react to typical life experiences. You both enjoyed having sex and being together and not every relationship continues past the early stages. I'm sorry it's disappointing!

I think Im just so deathly afraid that i’ve embrassed myself when i got drunk and that’s suddenly made everything go wrong. I guess this is all a party of learning the consequences of my actions. Thank you so much for your advice, you’ve definitely made me feel a million times better about it all.

I think Im just so deathly afraid that i’ve embrassed myself when i got drunk and that’s suddenly made everything go wrong. I guess this is all a party of learning the consequences of my actions. Thank you so much for your advice, you’ve definitely made me feel a million times better about it all.

I wouldn't worry about that!! Maybe next time you'll make a different choice if the risk isn't worth the benefit of getting drunk. I don't think that was it but often in a new dating situation people change their minds. I ended something with someone after two months because he got drunk and treated me disrespectfully and rudely - but he'd also started treating me with some disrespect in the previous week. We dated two months total and the drunken situation was the last straw.

Does he live in your hometown? It doesn't sound like you got used. It sounds like you had a fun week and then a fun weekend when he visited. There was no implication that this would lead to anything or become exclusive or become a LDR. It sounds like you weren't so drunk that you couldn't remember sleeping together and the decision to do so was mutual.

he came to see me we all went to a bar and got drunk, i got slightly too drunk and me and this guy ended up leaving early and going back home to sleep together.

Does he live in your hometown? It doesn't sound like you got used. It sounds like you had a fun week and then a fun weekend when he visited. There was no implication that this would lead to anything or become exclusive or become a LDR. It sounds like you weren't so drunk that you couldn't remember sleeping together and the decision to do so was mutual.

Yeah i guess it’s probably unnatural expectations i had in my mind. The sex was completely consensual so i have no qualms about that. Yeah he lives in my home town.

I wouldn't worry about that!! Maybe next time you'll make a different choice if the risk isn't worth the benefit of getting drunk. I don't think that was it but often in a new dating situation people change their minds. I ended something with someone after two months because he got drunk and treated me disrespectfully and rudely - but he'd also started treating me with some disrespect in the previous week. We dated two months total and the drunken situation was the last straw.

See i know i wouldn’t have been rude because that’s just not in my character to behave that way but i could have been marginally annoying. I do appreciate your comment, I do think he probably just changed his mind and that’s absolutely fine

See i know i wouldn’t have been rude because that’s just not in my character to behave that way but i could have been marginally annoying. I do appreciate your comment, I do think he probably just changed his mind and that’s absolutely fine

I'm sure you were fine - and this does sound just like a fun fling -please don't take it personally at all.