What is the matter with me?

Why can't I move on? Its been 5 weeks NC and still, I can't stop feeling as if I need validation and closure. I've got a tall dark handsome professional guy interested in me, he's everything and more the other POS wasnt but I just cant get involved just yet, thank goodness he works in London Mon-Fri. I feel I just dont want anyone then suddenly like buses if got another 3 guys (who dont know my story) also wanting to date me. I locked myself in my house last night and drank wine in my pjs and I througly enjoyed it as it was so much easier than deciding what to do or make yet another mistake. Cant stop thinking about the loser :(

Five weeks is not that long - give it time. You probably will not like anyone else - no matter how great they are - as long as you still have the ex on your brain. Just be patient with it. Focus on your health, friendships, goals, bucket list; it will get there!!

There is nothing wrong with you, other than you just aren't ready to entertain the idea of another man yet.

Be patient. You need time. Until you go through all the grieving steps of the breakup, you're going to feel this way.

Do yourself a huge favor and keep NC. I didn't and it set me back again, even though it wasn't me initiating it.

Talk to this other guy, just on a friendship level. There's no pressure in that. If he's worth anything down the road, he

will understand the situation you're in emotionally and he will be patient. Hang in there. It will get better.

I just don't get how HE can move on with not a care in the world. I know I'm doing the right thing for once and keeping my distance whilst still being nice and polite to the other guys without leading them on. Why do they all come at once, this is how mistakes are made, and im not falling for it :(

There is nothing wrong with you, other than you just aren't ready to entertain the idea of another man yet.

Be patient. You need time. Until you go through all the grieving steps of the breakup, you're going to feel this way.

Do yourself a huge favor and keep NC. I didn't and it set me back again, even though it wasn't me initiating it.

Talk to this other guy, just on a friendship level. There's no pressure in that. If he's worth anything down the road, he

will understand the situation you're in emotionally and he will be patient. Hang in there. It will get better.

I have no intention of breaking NC, we live 20miles apart so not even a chance we could bump into each other and I don't have his number anymore. But God I would love for him to text me, I just feel so worthless..... You have really helped me SweetGirl28 and I am still re:reading the other messages for strenght x

I just don't get how HE can move on with not a care in the world. I know I'm doing the right thing for once and keeping my distance whilst still being nice and polite to the other guys without leading them on. Why do they all come at once, this is how mistakes are made, and im not falling for it :(

You assume he doesn't care. You don't know what he's feeling. People can look and act so happy when they aren't.

Or maybe he is. But it doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you broke up, and you have to deal with it.

Cry, journal, be angry, let all your emotions out. It's the only way to move forward. An ex never forgets , just like you

won't forget him. Try to focus on the negative aspects of the relationship. I know when you're sad it's easy to only remember the good times, but you have to remind yourself why the breakup happened. You refered to him as a POS, so it's either true, or you're really angry! Only time will heal you. Be strong.

As for the guys, take your time. Like I said, try building friendships with them and see what happens.

You are in no state emotionally to take another relationship on. Or, cut them out if it makes you feel worse.

There will be another line of guys. You don't need to feel you need to do anything right now. If being alone feels right,

drinking wine, then do that! Just don't get blitzed every night, that's not healthy lol.

I have no intention of breaking NC, we live 20miles apart so not even a chance we could bump into each other and I don't have his number anymore. But God I would love for him to text me, I just feel so worthless..... You have really helped me SweetGirl28 and I am still re:reading the other messages for strenght x

Work on healing, because you know an ex almost always tries to get back into contact. Just because you deleted him doesn't mean he deleted your number. I deleted my ex many times, I just did again yesterday, but I know he's not finished yet. Even when I block him he uses a different number. Doesn't want me, doesn't want to let go completely either. It's a game I'm tiring of emotionally. So be strong because if you get a text, it may set back your healing. You have to be prepared.

Work on healing, because you know an ex almost always tries to get back into contact. Just because you deleted him doesn't mean he deleted your number. I deleted my ex many times, I just did again yesterday, but I know he's not finished yet. Even when I block him he uses a different number. Doesn't want me, doesn't want to let go completely either. It's a game I'm tiring of emotionally. So be strong because if you get a text, it may set back your healing. You have to be prepared.

Would you not change your number? I havent blocked just incase he does call or text me, but I dont want him back I just want closure I dont feel I can move on :(

He randomly pops into my head, even in the middle of the night without me dreaming I just wake up. The crazy thing is, I wonder if its because hes thinking of me. We always used to be like this with phone calls and texts etc?

Would you not change your number? I havent blocked just incase he does call or text me, but I dont want him back I just want closure I dont feel I can move on :(

Honestly, it's not worth changing my number. He was always good to me until the very end, and it's more a test of my strength to ignore his communication. I need to know I've gotten to that place to completely move forward. I'm ready to date I just have some leftover pain that pings my heart once in a while lol.

I don't suggest you change your number either. That's good if someone constantly harasses you, but that isn't the case. You can block, because you always have the option to unblock. That way you don't drive yourself insane every time your phone buzzes, wondering if it's him. This is all a matter of mind control. Our thoughts can make or break our day, right?

That's why I say focus on the negative to help push you through. Letting your mind drift to the wonderful times can really

impede your healing.

You may have to find your own closure. I wanted an apology, but never to this day have gotten one, and it's been seven months, three months since he's been contacting me again. The fact you broke up may have to be your closure. Seek peace from within. It's the best gift you can give yourself.

Wow you have 4 other guys wanting to date you? Good for you!

Wow you have 4 other guys wanting to date you? Good for you!

This doesn't happen often, trust me and I don't want any of them

I think the Ex has deleted everything of me, he did tell me that he was ruthless once, so I doubt he will ever be back in touch :(

You are still grieving the loss of the relationship....it takes time that is all. Here is an article about the 5 stages of grief. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-out/201309/the-5-stages-grieving-the-end-relationship

This doesn't happen often, trust me and I don't want any of them

 

I think the Ex has deleted everything of me, he did tell me that he was ruthless once, so I doubt he will ever be back in touch :(

If you were ready, you'd most likely want at least one of them lol.

Just take time. And just when you start to feel better I can almost guarantee your ex will contact you. I don't care how ruthless he says he is, they most always get curious and try to sneak back in somehow, even if it's just to mind f*** you,

so be ready. And if he does reach out, be careful. Protect your heart. If you come a long way, contact might set you back and you'll find yourself starting from ground zero again. Don't let anyone play with your emotions.

Now I'm gonna try and take me own advice, lol! I make a mess with my own heart :)

I am definitely still stuck in the depression stage.

If you were ready, you'd most likely want at least one of them lol.

 

Just take time. And just when you start to feel better I can almost guarantee your ex will contact you. I don't care how ruthless he says he is, they most always get curious and try to sneak back in somehow, even if it's just to mind f*** you,

so be ready. And if he does reach out, be careful. Protect your heart. If you come a long way, contact might set you back and you'll find yourself starting from ground zero again. Don't let anyone play with your emotions.

Now I'm gonna try and take me own advice, lol! I make a mess with my own heart :)

You do give out some good advice, I haven’t the strength to advise or help anyone at the moment, but yes please take it, easier said than done I know x

I am definitely still stuck in the depression stage.

I'm sorry :( You'll pull through, one day at a time. The anger stage is great! Look forward to that, lol. So many productive things can be done during that time! I wish I had stayed there indefinitely. The depression is the absolute worst. Journal to release your thoughts and feelings. It really helps.

I will take my own advice when I'm ready, which will be soon because I do have dates lined up. Now if I can just not cancel them! Which I won't, unless my ex creeps back up on me again. It's like he has this spidey sense that goes off. Just as I'm pushing forward, he pops back up. But...he only gets away with it because I allow it. I must not reply, no matter what.

I bet I'm missing out on some great potential mates by getting set back. And all I really want is to find that amazing connection again, settle down, and never have to go through dating again! And that can't happen unless I stop hindering it! Haha

It's going to be ok eventually. You just need time. It really is no fun to hear that but it's true. Hold on to what you know to be true and protect your heart. Don't drag anyone into a rebound because that won't help either of you.

Be good to yourself. Start a project and workout. Exercise makes you feel strong. It doesn't help you get over your ex but for an hour you feel strong. And feeling strong is a welcome addition to a sad day of pajamas and wine. Trust me. I know. Except mine was pajamas and vodka. :)

Sending u hugs and love

Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, speaking from personal experience. Hey at least other men are interested! That has to feel a little validating on some level and good for the ego right? For me, my emotions would swing hour to hour. Angry. Sad. Clarity. Self loathing. Sad. Clarity. But over time there was more clarity and less anger and sadness bc I knew i would be ok. How could I not be? I'm sure you were ok before u were with your ex and you will be now too. With relationships we almost take on a new identity with the other person. So focus on yourself and the things that define you like your hobbies , friends and family, inner strength!

You need to reread this: "The Guy I have been seeing since September was 51 and has been living with his mother the last 12 years, seems his family (mother and sister) do a lot of running around for him, his bedroom was like my sons room when he was a teen. Things were going well until he went away back in Novemember. with 15 members of his family (including his ex he split up wit 12 years ago) He came back at the begining of December and became distant until a couple of weeks later then we was 85% back, I asked him last week if things were ok and he said yes he was still into me. The sex has always been rubbish, but I liked other qualities in him so was willing to work on this at a later date, he stayed at mine on the 22nd of December and bought a bottle of Champagne that he was given at work to share with me and we chatted and went to bed, all I remember was starting to have sex but I fell asleep and dont remember anything after that apart from waking up in the morning with him bringing me a cup of tea up. I found the Durex empty so I dont think for one minute I was raped as both our fitbits state that we fell asleep within a minute of each other. He left at around 11am that day saying he has Christmas stuff to do and that things will be back to normal after Christmas, he knows I will be alone with my 10 year old daughter all throught it. We texted and chatted the next day and he said he will see me in a few days, later that night I found that he had started back on a dating site on the 22nd, as he had message my unknowing friend. I called him that evenig and for the 1st time ever he didnt answer or reply, so on Chritmas mrning I send im a text saying "Goodbye and thanks for the message on POF". I havent heard from him since, and hes still on the dating site. Im so angry at myself and Ive had the most lonilest Christmas ever, even had panic attacks and been feeling very very low. What have I done so wrong, im so angry and hurt, what do I do now NC?"

You have all the closure you need: HE WAS CHEATING ON YOU, BY BEING ON THE WEBSITE.

You really need to aim higher in your choices:

Living with mommy

Family waiting on him

Child-like room

Not giving a crap

Lousy sex

You really need to do a lot better in your choices in men. What about the above points was attractive to you? He sounds pathetic! Time to block and delete. Move on with your life, you only dated this guy a few months, and are putting all of your worth into this loser.

Hollyj.....This is the WHOLE problem, I don't know why I cant move on. I feel like I've been abused and its still hurting me. I want to move on, I put my brightest lipstick on and I'm making an effort on the outside, but inside is a different story. Why why why, I dont know :(

It feels like I need to hit the nail on the head, but I can't seem to find the hammer.

It feels like I need to hit the nail on the head, but I can't seem to find the hammer.

Hi dizzy! Just want to say that sometimes our head knows what is right but the heart is a different story! Sometimes we don't have explanations for yearning for something we know is wrong for us. But I think your issue is deeper than this breakup and "him". It sounds like you need to figure out why you are attracting this type of man?

Hi dizzy! Just want to say that sometimes our head knows what is right but the heart is a different story! Sometimes we don't have explanations for yearning for something we know is wrong for us. But I think your issue is deeper than this breakup and "him". It sounds like you need to figure out why you are attracting this type of man?

I agree! This is more about you!

The first time you saw any of the issues, you should have been turned off. I would address your self esteem/emotional unavailability issues. So that you do not end up with smother creep. If you really wanted a healthy relationship, you would have NEVER been attracted to this loser. And, look at the ultra-crappy way he treated you in the end. You are the only one that is choosing to stay stuck. Do not start dating. You need to address your issues.

Understand why you are putting yourself in this place. Perhaps, you should seek therapy. I also suggest you look at baggagereclaim.com. It will help you understand your actions.

Do you think he is moping over you wanting closure?

Already been reading up on baggagereclaim.com its great, and yes I started to see a counsellor and have a hospital appointment on 27th Feb. It is as if something has got to click, it feels its nearly there, hence why for the 1st time since we broke up ive stayed in my house alone at the weekend and enjoyed it.