Sexual Tension or NOT?!?

Hello everyone. First time poster here.

So, I recently started a new job. At this new job I have some co-workers. One of which is a female. She is young, cute and very smart. She is probably one of the over achievers of our division and always impresses the boss. I've been working here about 3 months now. The first month she didn't talk to me at all. The 2nd month she would 'acknowledge' the things I said to her. The third month she is super duper talkative to me and always trying to start up conversations and chat with me whenever there's a chance (even at the wrong times when the boss is right next to us and is obviously trying to concentrate.)

Here is the scenario:

- She has a boyfriend.

- I have a girlfriend.

- She is younger, in her early 20s.

- I'm older, in my early 30s.

- She can be rather quiet or focused at times that sort of betrays this side she shows me.

- I try to remain a little distant because of where we are both at, in relationships.

Anyways, that's kind of a MINOR break down. The thing is that I have recently been feeling some sort of Sexual Tension between us. The problem is that I don't know if it's just ME over thinking/over exaggerating some feelings I have? Or if it's really a mutual thing that's "THERE" between us. She doesn't seem to have a lot of friends and she doesn't get out a lot. Most of her time is spent working or studying at home. She and I have a lot of common interests and we usually have a lot to talk about and get rather happy when we both find something in common. I notice that she smiles at me a lot now and makes a lot of eye contact, even when we are just doing normal activities at work. I notice that she dresses up a lot more than the first and second month when I was there. I notice that she likes to include me in conversations with other co-workers as if she wants to attract my attention.

Then comes the flip side. She sometimes becomes very distant and focused and when it's time to go home, she leaves work without saying a thing to anyone. If I text her to ask a question casually, she responds in a very professional manner and quickly ends the conversation. If it's a group text, she texts casually and humorously. If we are outside of the work place and we see each other, she ignores me and walks right passed me (or at least I've seen this happen twice already and I've very clearly waved and said hello.)

It's a very confusing situation.

As for me? Well, I find her very attractive. She is a young Asian girl who was born in a foreign country but loves it here in the USA and wants to adapt and enjoy every part of the culture. She flips between serious/stern to relaxed/chatty. I can't quite grasp it but she has a fair personality and I don't totally mind her over achieving desires. I have to say I have found myself quite attracted to her in the recent weeks and kind of catch myself going a little too far some days in chatting with her or just generally allowing her to get most of my attention.

Now for the relationships between herself and her boyfriend and myself and my girlfriend:

- Her boyfriend works far away for 6 months out of the year to make lots of money. He makes 'LOTS' of money but rarely sees her and because of this she has no one to go out with or do things with and is usually very bored. She recently asked him to move in with her and quit this job and find something closer to home. They were thinking of renting a place near the work place but he changed his mind and decided to go back to work to make more money. She didn't seem very happy about that.

- My girlfriend is a single mother with a teenage kid. She works full time in a changing schedule which usually revolves around working late nights and weekends, so there's not much time for us as there was in the past. The time she does have off she spends worrying about her kid and school and worrying about work. Most of our time together is exactly that, her talking to me about her being worried about her son and his school and her job... it's frustrating and it kind of makes me want to get some space between us but I honestly care about her deeply. We've known each other for many years and I just can't see myself without her but the scenario we are in is sure to remain the same for YEARS to come... Not sure if I like that... Makes me feel hopeless... And yes, I've talked to her about it... Doesn't change much.

Anyways, based on the info I gave, do you think there is actually 'something' between myself and herself? Or is it just me over analyzing the situations coming together out of coincidence because I love to overthink things and because I have some serious emotional and relational issues that I should be dealing with?

Thanks for taking the time to read my stupid story and giving feed back. Just really confused and kinda irritated at the whole thing at the same time. I don't expect 'answers' but feedback and suggestions would be nice.

~Angel

Personally, I think that the lowered level of intimacy between you and your girlfriend is causing you to notice other women and this particular one has taken your interest. Your situation almost reads like you are frustrated with your current situation and are looking to jump ship and hoping there might be some connections between you are this young women so you can 'upgrade' from your whinging solo mother gf to a younger, prettier, smarter women who does not have children but is having loneliness issues.

IMO, you need to pull away thoughts of this new woman and make some serious decisions about your existing relationship. If you are not happy and it is not going in the direction you want it to, then perhaps it is time to step out of that relationship first before lining yourself up someone new.

It sounds like you don't have much faith in your relationship and have started to actively look for other women to connect to. Who knows what this woman at work wants but it sounds like she is showing healthy boundaries. If you aren't interested in your current partner leave them. If you actually like this woman at your work respect her choices including her choice to be monogamous and in a committed relationship. Happy or not.

Personally, I think that the lowered level of intimacy between you and your girlfriend is causing you to notice other women and this particular one has taken your interest. Your situation almost reads like you are frustrated with your current situation and are looking to jump ship and hoping there might be some connections between you are this young women so you can 'upgrade' from your whinging solo mother gf to a younger, prettier, smarter women who does not have children but is having loneliness issues.

 

IMO, you need to pull away thoughts of this new woman and make some serious decisions about your existing relationship. If you are not happy and it is not going in the direction you want it to, then perhaps it is time to step out of that relationship first before lining yourself up someone new.

Fair enough, yeah... I have been feeling rather trapped in this relationship for a while. However, it's very complicated and simply stating 'just get out' of it doesn't really solve that issue. It's something that's been an issue for many years and probably won't be resolved soon. I think you might be right though when you say that I might be looking for something else instead of what I already have, even subconsciously and not intentionally. I do care for my current girlfriend but the fact that things don't change and probably never will means either I'm going to have to 'put up with it' and stick with what I have or we are probably going to have a very poor relationship for the many years we are together. Thanks for pointing that out.

It sounds like you don't have much faith in your relationship and have started to actively look for other women to connect to. Who knows what this woman at work wants but it sounds like she is showing healthy boundaries. If you aren't interested in your current partner leave them. If you actually like this woman at your work respect her choices including her choice to be monogamous and in a committed relationship. Happy or not.

No, I wouldn't say I have 'Started to actively look for other women to connect to' since essentially this young woman was the one who became a bit more than 'friendly' during this period of time. She was just a co-worker to me up until this point. As for the part about 'respect her choices including her choice to be monogamous', well, that's kind of the issue and that's not really a very clear statement considering the fact that I have not and was not planning on making any sort of advances on her. I guess my post must have been misunderstood.

What I was trying to figure out was simply whether or not there was a form of Sexual Tension between us that I should be aware of. This being precisely because she began acting quite different and 'closer' with me in recent days and I wasn't sure if it was her simply being more 'open & friendly' or because she/we might have begun to experience some chemistry with one another. I just wasn't at all very sure about her actions at this point and so I was trying to gain a bit of clarity on the issue.

Thanks for your input either way