Going through a rough time

My ex of almost three years just ended it last Tuesday, he has always had problems with my drive and ambition and this is not the first time he has broken it off with me for it. This time he said I'm taking too long going back to school and it will take too long getting myself together and I need my independence. The first time we broke up he said the same thing and I begged him back and he gave me another chance and we lasted another six months. We overall had a great relationship and he even said I was an amazing person it was just my lack of drive. But I've tried so hard and was working so hard in the relationship to better myself but he didn't think it was good enough. He currently has a really good job and makes good money and completed college and everything and I'm pretty far behind and started everything late in my life. I told him he was making a mistake and he said if he is making a mistake hed take action? Ive been in no contact with him for over a week now since the breakup and I've focused on myself a lot. I still.love him and I'm hurting so badly. He was supposed to ship my belongings to me and he hasn't yet and also he has kept my name on our Netflix account so I don't know what's going on or even what to do. I've had offers already from guys to go out but I'm not ready and I honestly just want him back. If anyone can give any insight to my experience that'd be great !

You can only do what you can do in your life. Trying to meet someone else's expectations is really unhealthy. I know it hurts but you are better off without him. Find someone who embraces and accepts you for who you are and what you can do.

Lisa

He sounds like a jerk to be honest and I hope that with time you'll look back and recognize that. He pretty much spent the whole relationship telling you that you aren't good enough, picking you apart, and minimizing your worth. Find a man who thinks you are wonderful, because you ARE. You really do deserve better than this guy. I think you dodged a bullet here even if it doesn't seem like it right now. I think that once you heal, move on, meet a genuinely good guy, it will kind of shock you into realizing how bad your ex was.

Thank you everyone for the lovely kind responses, Ive been overwhelmed and overthinking so much about everything and I know what he did and continued to do during our relationship was not healthy and moving on is what's best but it's just so hard letting him go because he does have this loving side to him, I just don't understand how he can give up on me so easily, we even lived together for over a year and I traveled to another state to be with him. I don't get it.

Nobody is 100% evil. Thing is that the mean side is also him and who he is and it won't change or go away. The good doesn't come without the bad and his bad is very very bad for you. He didn't give up on you, I really do believe that people like him actually enjoy having a punching bag around, someone they can look down on and demean. If he had such a big problem with you, he wouldn't have gotten involved with you in the first place or would have ended things sooner instead of telling you that you aren't good enough for so many years while watching you change and improve at the same time. Do you see the mind fck he was pulling on you? I know it hurts, but you really really dodged a bullet here. Hugs and here is to a better future for you!

he said I'm taking too long going back to school and it will take too long getting myself together and I need my independence.

Not clear whether you've made a commitment to do something that you haven't shown signs of carrying out?

Are you in school now, or do you intend to go but have not? If not, what are your barriers to going back to school?

From what you've said, I can't tell whether he's being a jerk or he's holding up goals you've set but are not demonstrating an effort to achieve. Also, what kind of job do you hold, and is it fulfilling? Are you contributing your reasonable share toward the household, or does he believe that you are riding his train without paying your way?

My ex of almost three years just ended it last Tuesday, he has always had problems with my drive and ambition and this is not the first time he has broken it off with me for it. This time he said I'm taking too long going back to school and it will take too long getting myself together and I need my independence. The first time we broke up he said the same thing and I begged him back and he gave me another chance and we lasted another six months. We overall had a great relationship and he even said I was an amazing person it was just my lack of drive. But I've tried so hard and was working so hard in the relationship to better myself but he didn't think it was good enough. He currently has a really good job and makes good money and completed college and everything and I'm pretty far behind and started everything late in my life. I told him he was making a mistake and he said if he is making a mistake hed take action? Ive been in no contact with him for over a week now since the breakup and I've focused on myself a lot. I still.love him and I'm hurting so badly. He was supposed to ship my belongings to me and he hasn't yet and also he has kept my name on our Netflix account so I don't know what's going on or even what to do. I've had offers already from guys to go out but I'm not ready and I honestly just want him back. If anyone can give any insight to my experience that'd be great !

He's an a**hole and he won't change. Can you imagine living the rest of your life with this person always looking measuring you up and your accomplishments and belittle them? It sounds like a freaking nightmare. Be glad he's someone else's problem now.

When we lived together I did slack off for a bit and I wasnt as focused as i should have been, and i took full responsibility for it and i busted my ass to get my life together, I studied and recently graduated and now ive applied for classes in college, but that slacking off i did really must have gotten to him. I did help pay for the household i paid for all the food for the house and cleaned every day and I was working but, was not making very good money. He always felt I was wasting my potential and honestly he was right. He is a very logical person and him and i are polar opposites but thats why we worked so well together, I balanced him out from an emotional side and he balanced me out from the logical side of things and opened my eyes to thinking differently. I'm now focused fully on myself and putting my life in order and just moving forward, but I love him so much and I want another chance with him. People keep telling me just let it go and get over it and move on but, i just cant...

When we lived together I did slack off for a bit and I wasnt as focused as i should have been, and i took full responsibility for it and i busted my ass to get my life together, I studied and recently graduated and now ive applied for classes in college, but that slacking off i did really must have gotten to him. I did help pay for the household i paid for all the food for the house and cleaned every day and I was working but, was not making very good money. He always felt I was wasting my potential and honestly he was right. He is a very logical person and him and i are polar opposites but thats why we worked so well together, I balanced him out from an emotional side and he balanced me out from the logical side of things and opened my eyes to thinking differently. I'm now focused fully on myself and putting my life in order and just moving forward, but I love him so much and I want another chance with him. People keep telling me just let it go and get over it and move on but, i just cant...

No matter how much you try and rationalize and justify his behavior, truth of the fact is: he should accept as you are. Sure, pushing you in the right direction in order to have a better life is commendable and we should all strive for it and forward that feeling into our loved ones, but what if you're already happy with your life? What if you don't need an all that fancy job with that much pay? What if you want to be able to relax more, earn a little less and enjoy more out of life? That's not wrong. It just means people are different and differences sometimes create incompatibilities.

You're really punishing yourself too hard and let me tell you (from a self-punisher to another), this road won't end well. It will motivate you like hell, that's for sure. For a little while. The problem will be at the end, when you finally achieve that "something" and you realize it's not all that. Or maybe not, maybe it will be something of your dreams. No one can tell this but yourself. The job of a SO is to be there for you no matter what (as long as it's an healthy relationship) and not how to tell you how to live your freaking life.

So what if you slacked off for a while?

So what if you have all this potential and you didn't tap into it (yet)?

Is that grounds to breakup?

I don't think so. It's grounds for a talk, to plan for the future, to be understood and to act on them.

I really hope this will serve as a lesson for you. Not because you did anything wrong, but so you can know, deep down, that you can do whatever the f*ck you want and if a guy can't handle that, it's his problem. Not yours.

Just focus on becoming a better person and doing what makes you happy. if that's going back to college and finally finishing your degree, so be it. But it could be travelling the world or just buying a small house and become a farmer. Who can tell? You. Only you. Not others.

I'm really starting to wonder if I was actually dating a narcissist

I studied and recently graduated and now ive applied for classes in college, but that slacking off i did really must have gotten to him.

Are you saying that this all took place while you were still in high school? What are your ages?