Gf left me after 2 years - moving on but still want to be with her

My long term (almost 2 years) girlfriend broke up with me almost a month ago. She told me that she did not want to be with me right now and could not handle the stress of our relationship in her life (she is starting a nursing program this year). However, she said that she also does not think that this is the end of us and that she still sees us together in the future, and that she needs time and space so we can become the best versions of ourselves. Before everyone jumps down my throat, I AM recovering and using this time to better myself.

My girlfriend and I are both 20 and go to the same University. Within a few weeks, we were together and quickly became each other's best friends. Our relationship moved very quickly: we slept together in our first week, and were nearly always together. Over the course of our relationship, we have endured distance and little contact (I worked at camp for a month summer of 2016), helped each other through the death of close family members, and each became very close with each other's families. Over the past year, I've been dealing with an overwhelming sense of anger over the long, drawn out passing of one of my family members. Similarly, she's been dealing with the stress and anxiety that a nursing student naturally acquires. We began to fight a lot, however most of our arguments were petty. There were several times when she would ask me why I was still with her, as her anxiety often caused her to lash out, and I would always respond that it was simply because I loved her. This past summer is when things really began to get a bit more intense. We both stayed in our University town for the summer and worked. Most of our friends left, and so we clung to each other and practically lived together. The fighting escalated, but so did our care and appreciation for one another. Amidst these troubled times, I still felt as though we were more in love than ever. I, overall, treated her very well and she would almost daily ask me when I was going to marry her (I was planning to propose this October). One night she had apparently even been "complaining" to my mother that I hadn't proposed it yet, and we even went to go look at engagement rings a mere 3 weeks before she ended things. At the end of the day, I can confidently still say that we were both very happy. A week or two leading to the breakup, things began to change rapidly. She slowly started to become more distant and less appreciative. She started hanging around her work friends (whom she, less than a month ago, claimed were the kinds of people she did not want to be around). One of her best friends came back into town, and she began to spend more time with her. One night, we were arguing and she said that she had had enough, and that her friend had said that taking a break wasn't a bad idea. I shut the idea down, and said that we were strong enough to fix things. Over our last week together, I put in my best effort to make things better, but things only got worse as I likely came off as needy and desperate. She began texting a guy from work. I wasn't bothered by it, until it became a thing that she was constantly on her phone (which was odd because she's always been very detached from her phone). I told her I felt uncomfortable with it, and she said that I was right and that she would stop. She claimed she didn't have feelings for him, and that it was just nice to have a friend. She did not stop. She continued to text him behind my back, and when I confronted her again she said that she acknowledged that he probably had feelings for her, and that even though she knew she should stop, she didn't want to because she liked having him as a friend. Between that and the arguing, things came crashing down very quickly. Her texts became increasingly apathetic and she became more withdrawn (however in person she continued to act mostly normal, even still sometimes excitedly talking about our future together). She was becoming very unlike the woman I had known for almost 2 years.

The weekend before classes started, she texted me, asking me to come over after she got off work. I knew what was coming. Before I even got there, I was a mess. She thanked me for being the best friend that she's ever had and the person she loved most. But she claimed that she needed to find herself and be alone for a while. She said she may want to date other people and encouraged me to do the same. She claimed to still love me, but not in the right way and that right now, she just needed a break from us. When asked if this was the end, she said that she didn't think so and gave me the whole "if you love someone let them go and if they come back it's meant to be" quote. She wanted us to become the best versions of ourselves for each other. I cried and begged - made all of the classic mistakes. The breakup was not easy for her either by any means. I left, and returned the next day to give her the stuff of hers that I had at my place. Again, I resorted to begging and pleading. She had become more cold, but after a while she broke down as well. I told her that it didn't feel right, and she admitted the same. As I left, she began to cry again. I told her that I'd be ok and that I'd always be here for her, and then left. A few texts later and I decided that the best thing to do was to cut contact. That lasted until she ran into me on campus the following Wednesday and sat herself down where I was at. Seeing her shattered what little strength I had built up since the breakup. The conversation was normal, but the feeling was uncomfortable. I gave in again and texted her later that day, asking if I could come over and talk. She agreed, and said she would do it for me. Again, I went over and begged her to give me a second shot. I noticed when I went over that she had already begun to cleanse her room of pictures, reminders, etc. of me. This time, I acknowledged my mistakes (my anger affected the relationship, I became insecure and clingy in the past couple of weeks, I was impatient, etc) and promised her that I would change. She was a lot more cold this time, and told me that she just needed time apart. When I asked what she wanted, she said passion. This put me off, because our relationship was a very passionate one (up until she started acting distant). I accepted defeat again and left. Meanwhile, she made it a point privately changed our relationship status on Facebook so all of our friends wouldn't see, but kept all of our pictures up (which is odd because her page is mostly pictures of the two of us). I contacted her family to wish them well and thank them for everything, and they said they didn't know what she was doing and assured me that it would all work out eventually. (She also told me that same day that some of her family was upset with her because of it). For a week, there was no communication between us until she again ran into me on campus and sat herself down. This time, the conversation was a lot more casual and friendly. At one point I asked if she was ready to talk about fixing things, to which she said not yet. Her birthday was the next weekend, and I had already bought her gift a couple months in advance, and it was very personal and non refundable. I wanted her to have it, as it was something she had always wanted. Originally, she said I could come over and give it to her the following week, but I decided against this. I wrote her a lengthy letter, essentially accepting the breakup as necessary, apologizing for my mistakes, reminding her how much I cared for her, and asking her not to contact me until she was ready to talk about fixing things. I packed it with her gift, and dropped it off with her roommates while she was away. I did not text her on her actual birthday (which she later told me really upset her). Last Wednesday, she ran into me again and sat down to talk with me. Again the conversation was friendly. However at one point she mentioned that she had been getting lunch once a week with the same guy she was texting in the last two weeks of our relationship, and had hung out with him a few times outside of campus. I'm not usually one to pass judgement, but I've seen this guy a few times here and there and from what I can tell, he's not very attractive and pretty immature. At this point I became distant, she took notice, and got up to leave. I asked her to sit, and after some convincing she did. I lost my temper a little as I told her how hard the past month had been and how I've really been working on my flaws, and that it sucked to see that she could go from wanting to marry me to how she is now in such a short time and be so doing so fine. She got upset and got up to leave again. I asked her to sit and talk, and she did. She claimed that it was not easy for her either, and reassured me that she saw a future between us still but still needed a little time to be alone. We shifted the conversation and started laughing and talking as normal before parting ways. However, I realized that even if she did think we would get back together, I was just her backup for now. I began to realize my self worth again, and acknowledged that I have a lot more respect for myself than to just be on her leash. Two days later, she texted me something very insignificant (just letting me know that a show we used to watch together was on sale as a box set, which was odd because we had not texted in several weeks). I did not respond. The following day (two days ago today) marked four weeks since she ended things with me. I am now committed to focusing on myself and bettering myself, and will be avoiding her on campus as well as ignoring anything less than an attempt from her to talk about our relationship. I've done all I can I think and perhaps more than I should've done to get her back.

In the time we've been apart, I have not been sitting around waiting for a call. I've actively been trying to make a change: working on my flaws, focusing on classes, getting back into the gym, running, learning guitar, and expanding my social circle. Several women have shown interest in me, and I've even been on a date, but nothing less than fixing things with my ex is really appealing to me right now. The breakup still feels like a cliffhanger rather than an end. I know that people change and their interests change, but the change in her is almost unnatural. It was so rapid and she is now hanging around the types of people who she's always thought were immature and rude. I know that one of her friends is likely fueling her decision, (the same one that suggested a break earlier). However, everyone else in amongst our mutual friends are still very confused at what she is going through. We were the 'model' couple amongst our friends and everyone thought we'd get married. My roommate even ran into her best friend at church and she admitted that she was just as confused as I was about my ex's decision. I know that my ex will never forget me or the love we shared, and I have not given up on hope. Despite my flaws and mistakes, I still did my best to treat her the way any girl dreams of being treated. This all came crashing down so quickly and I feel like she is likely still fighting herself on it.

I have come to terms with the fact that she may never come back and that this may be the end. Even if she did come back, I'm at a point now to where my guard is constantly up, and she would need to work hard convince me that she wants to be with me. My love for her hasn't diminished one bit, and I know that if things were given a second chance, we'd be stronger than before. I'm finding my happiness and confidence apart from her, but it's hard to do anything with out being reminded of her and wishing that she would change her mind. I know I'm young and that I have plenty of time and there are so many more people out there, but ever since the breakup I've become more convinced that she's the one I want to be with. I will be ok with or without her, but I would definitely prefer the former. I apologize for the long read, but there is a lot to the story. Have I done everything I can, and is my plan to commit to silence the best option? Any advice, words of encouragement, or similar stories that worked out for the better would be much appreciated!

If you are still able to you should edit your post and break it into paragraphs. It is harder for people to read like this and you will get less responses.

Thought I did when I first posted it, odd that it changed....to late now unfortunately

Copy and paste. This is impossible to read.

Okay, I have waded through the wall of text.

In summary: It was an amazing relationship, so much love, but she started texting someone else, told me it was stress of nursing, then broke up with me. I'm devastated, and begged. I begged more, she still said no. I'm convinced we will be together, she is not although tells me it might be. I begged more and more and more, and I really want her back.

Okay, let's get to the point... Your ex dumped you and has started dating someone else. It doesn't matter what you think of him, but... it has happened. She is not telling you all of it, and she doesn't have to. She is also letting you down easy by alluding to something further down the line. But in all likelihood, there is not going to be a future with you two. You are stuck firmly within the denial phase of the break up, but this is really happening dude, sorry.

If there is a chance that you two are to get back together again, it is not going to be anytime soon. You also have to come to the realisation that you broke up with you to see someone else. To sleep with someone else. And when things go south with him, she might try to come crawling back. But if you take her back, you have to understand that this all happened for a reason and will likely happen again.

What to do from here: As much as you don't want to, you need to begin moving on. You need to start healing and building yourself into a better person. You are 20 and have a long life, and possibly many more girlfriends, ahead of you. Close the door and the conversation between you two, as your begging and hoping and wishing is not and I repeat, not, going to get her back. Get on with life, finish your studies and be the better person. Aim for the stage when you can look back at the relationship with fond memories.