MrKoala03

Hey all! I posted my personal story in my own thread, but also wanted to put it here, as this is a thread that I went to a lot during the first few weeks of my breakup. I had already posted a thread detailing the breakup and what happened following it if anyone is interested in the full story, but I'll try to sum it up here. Basically my girlfriend and I had been dating for close to 2 years and were in the talks of marriage. Both of us juniors in college, and over the summer we had a lot of problems that stemmed from bad communication and codependency (practically spending every free moment together, as many of our friends left our college town for the summer.) She ended things, saying she needed space and time to find herself and become and individual again...perhaps date other people and see what else was out there besides me. I, of course, freaked out and did the classic begging and pleading for a couple of weeks before finally turning the gun and going silent. Throughout the past month and a half, I really made it a mission to focus on myself. I got buckled down on my studies and applied for several internships for the summer, reconnected with friends and did my best to limit my time alone, got back into the gym, began seeing a therapist to work out some of the things I've been struggling with for the past year, and even went on a few dates. I was truly moving forward with my life, but that didn't mean that I stopped thinking about her. I truly believed that at some point, my best friend would come back to me, but I didn't use that to define my growth. Throughout the past week, she had been reaching out to me a lot (3-4 isolated instances of calling/randomly texting). Mind you, this was a big deal because there had been absolutely no communication for weeks. Each time she attempted contact I was genuinely too busy to respond right away, and so I was never able to satisfy her desire to talk to me. Well, last night she ended up contacting me asking if she could come over and see me. At this point, I held absolutely no expectations for the future or getting back together. Of course I still longed to be with her, but I had come to realize that my happiness did not come from her. When she came over I didn't know what to expect, but I knew that I was prepared to shut down any attempts at anything less than a relationship with her. It turns out, that she SAW the change in me, and the time of no contact with me showed her just how much she wanted me in her life. She had been on a few dates as well and spent time with friends, but it all just reminded her how much she missed me. I was, overall, a really great boyfriend as well as best friend to her, and she realized that she was going to lose that. Imagine her surprise when she saw the CHANGE I had been implementing in my life as well. After a long talk, that included what went wrong in the past relationship, what each of us wanted from the other in the future, (and quite a bit of kissing), we have decided to work things out. Of course we have the strong foundation, but we're beginning this as a new relationship and are going to take things slow. Neither of us are going in with any expectations other than for both parties to genuinely TRY. She left later that night, and we made plans to go on a date later next week. For now, we are keeping our reunion on the down-low amongst our peers, but the spark of attraction is definitely still there and both of us are going to let it naturally progress. Overall, we were apart for a little under 2 months, with about 5 weeks of NC/LC. To sum up my thoughts on the reconciliation, I'm cautiously optimistic: excited and nervous for what the future holds, but keeping my guard up at all times. Overall this, I would say that the breakup experience has been an absolute blessing in disguise. God works in truly mysterious ways. If anyone had told me 2 months ago that I would be the strongest I've ever been now, I would've laughed. But it happened. For those of you going through a difficult time right now, know that it is OK to have hope, but don't let that hope define your life. You really have to let go and focus on yourself - do what makes YOU happy and really make an attempt to implement change in your life for YOURSELF. I'm not saying don't grieve and be sad, but don't let those emotions keep you stuck in the same place - when you slip and fall, nurse your wounds, get up, and keep going. I truly believe that reconciliations are always possible (barring extreme circumstance such as cheating or abuse). But, the real beauty in life comes from YOUR OWN personal growth, and it's important to recognize that before even considering getting back together with your ex. If she changed her mind tomorrow, I would be FINE. Why? Because I now value myself, and know that MY happiness is the most import thing. Happy to answer any questions!