Hurting inside

My boyfriend of 3 years has been fighting me physically an emotionally I put up with all of his controlling ways for 3 years finally one morning I got fed up with him beating me all the time so i called the cops they came out and arrested him.. First I was happy the cops came to arrest him but as the months go by I certainly miss him , especially all the good times we've had I tried calling him but he changed his number without me knowing now I really don't know what to do .

Sad to say the same guy that hurts me also kept me happy at the same time that's what makes it so confusing.😕😢

Have you sought counseling to understand why you would want to return to an abuser?

If you enjoy getting hurt join boxing gym...

I mean,do you understand how crazy this is?

You are simply doing the selective memory routine ...loneliness now makes you yearn for the good in him while cushioning the fact that he is an abuser .

"The circle of abuse"

Honey, you don't need to be seeking/searching out someone that beat you. Instead use your time to educate yourself so that you can overcome to truly believe that you are good enough to be with someone that respects you and that you find someone that respects you attractive. You are addicted to the drama and your codependency is keeping you stagnated in your want of him.

I suspect you had a child hood that was abusive or you had an absentee father or you watched your mother or father be abused by their own partner so that its been ingrained in you to accept such treatment. A therapist will help you to figure all that out, to give you tools on how to nurture your inner child.

Perhaps calling the hotline in the link below will hook you up with all the people you need to set you on the path to loving yourself enough to rehab from your addiction to your abuser.

Please consider calling and good luck...

The phone number(s) are near the bottom of the page.

Yes, I agree that you need someone to talk to, maybe a counselling group that meets regularly like Alcoholics Anonymous except for battered women in your area.

They will get you to see that this is a vicious cycle. That he's been training you like a dog to fear your boyfriend and give him what he wants. A dog will respond to you if it loves you or if it fears you, and he's been getting you to fear him so that you crave for any bit of kindness he shows you. You can get into a situation where you believe being hit is his way of showing love, but it's not. When you hear the stories of other abused women you'll see it's all a pattern. And you don't want to get to the point where this is the only way you can experience love, because then you'll only be attracted to abusers. There are nicer guys out there.

Thank you !

Keep us updated on how you're doing, CMalone. You can get past your Limerence for him. Be strong enough to do the work on yourself that will get you to the stage of indifference to him. (google limerence and read the wiki link to it if you don't know what that means)

My boyfriend of 3 years has been fighting me physically an emotionally I put up with all of his controlling ways for 3 years finally one morning I got fed up with him beating me all the time so i called the cops they came out and arrested him.. First I was happy the cops came to arrest him but as the months go by I certainly miss him , especially all the good times we've had I tried calling him but he changed his number without me knowing now I really don't know what to do .

Sad to say the same guy that hurts me also kept me happy at the same time that's what makes it so confusing.😕😢

Forget all about him and be thankful you had the courage and fortitude to stand up for yourself and BREAK the cycle of abuse. Because it IS a cycle. This guy is no damn good, and more importantly, no damn good FOR YOU, and you already know this or you wouldn't have called the cops and put an end to it. Ignore all impulses to contact him and focus on all the negatives. Get therapy if you need it. Don't end up like my former girlfriend who is in your exact same positive - stuck and trapped and refusing to totally cut all ties with her abusive dbag ex who has done a host of terrible things to her over the course of a few years, yet she keeps connected with him.

Tuesday of next week Is the court date for him . The DA has been calling me over numerous times to come in to testify against him , should I just go testify against him stating to everyone what he did to me or just don't show up for court and continue being distance away from him and drop everything ?

Go to court and testify against him. Let the public know what he did to you and how he treated you. Why? Because an abusive sh*tbag like him needs to be held accountable for his actions. If you don't show up and fail to provide testimony against him then nothing will happen to him and he will be totally FREE to do the same abusive behavior to another girl.... Do you want that to happen? Think about it. My ex g/f who has a history of being involved with abusive/toxic guys secured a restraining order for domestic violence against her ex b/f...and then she violated by inviting him back into her life. Now she has pretty much lost all credibility with the court if there is another incident. This is serious business and by not holding him accountable and letting him get away with abusive behavior, it leaves him to abuse someone else without worrying about the consequences of being busted a second time. It's very important that he gets tagged with a "DVO" in your case to prevent him from more abusive behavior and the prevent some other unsuspecting girl from becoming a victim. Be strong, go to court, and testify! You can do this! Do you have a strong support system? A large circle of friends who have your back on this? I hope so!

Of course you follow through with this. Time to stand up for yourself.

I hope that you are done with this POS, and are seeking counseling.

Yes I am fursure done this time . I'm going to testify against him next week in court than once that is all over with I'm going to give him a letter that i wrote him to close it all off with than I'm moving on with my life an pray nothing but the best for him. ✌

Fantastic for you!

NO letter. Gives him hope. I think your testimony is enough for him to get the message, You do not owe an individual that beat you up any courtesy.

I hope that you are seeking counseling.

I wish you the best, CL.

You can do this!