Bipolar/alcoholic trying to reconcile.

Hi. I want to share my experience, and maybe someone could provide me with feedback, advice, etc.

My ex-boyfriend and I were dating for 3 years, and we've known one another for 10 years. Our relationship was always great, MOST of the time. I am bipolar, and as a result of that, I tended to use drinking as a coping mechanism. Anytime something has gone wrong, there was typically drinking involved.

Two weeks ago, he told me he didn't think he could help me anymore, and that he didn't think I could change. However, he still loves me and wants me in his life. We spent almost every single day together for those 3 years. These past two weeks have felt absolutely terrible without him. I feel like a part of me is gone.

Since I've had so much time to myself, and I've been off work due to surgery, I've had plenty of time for self-reflection. I've been doing a lot of exercises about thinking more positively and having more self-esteem, because my lack of confidence always bothered him. I have been writing down things I like about myself, and reading the list to myself multiple times a day.

I've also started attending substance abuse classes, and I honestly never want to drink again. It isn't just for him, but for myself, as well. I realize that drinking is not good for me. It turns me into a monster.

I haven't contacted him at all, but I did respond to a text asking how I was doing after surgery. Do you think that if I continue with my therapy and better myself, that there is a chance at reconciliation? Should I break no contact in the next few weeks if he doesn't reach out? (I'm thinking he might send me a message because my birthday is next week).

Also, he hasn't asked me to get my things out of his house. There is a TON of stuff there.

Please focus on your recovery and do not distract yourself from it by contacting him. It is very, very important right now. 6 weeks of recovery means little. three months is s great but you are not "recovered". It takes one day at a time. You say you have had so much time for self reflection - but what happens when something stressful happens? Its easy to be calm in yoga class or sitting in a garden, but when you get back to everyday life - its not always so sure. Its not enough to not *want* to drink again - its will you?

Do you think that if I continue with my therapy and better myself, that there is a chance at reconciliation? Should I break no contact in the next few weeks if he doesn't reach out?.

NO. Do NOT break no contact. Use this time to work on your issues. The ball is in his court if he wants to get back together again.

I have no intention of drinking. I actually did quit for a while before, but I tried drinking socially again, and it just snowballed. I am 100% positive I don't need a drink.

Many alcoholics can control their drinking for a while; unfortunately, it's very easy to think that things have changed when the reality is that they haven't. The issues you describe, like lack of self esteem, take much longer to address than a few weeks. Are you on medication for your bipolar... and should you have been keeping off the alcohol all along?

Reaching out to your ex-partner, especially as he has made it clear that he realises that he can't help you, is likely to trigger a relapse. There's a reason that 12-Step programs suggest that you start no new relationships within a year of beginning recovery - and your recovery should be your main focus right now.

Whatever you do, DON'T break your NC; it will set your healing and recovery right back to Square One. You are very vulnerable, and need to protect yourself.

You don't need to patronize me about what I've got to do. I'm not asking about alcohol, I'm asking about my relationship.

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You don't need to patronize me about what I've got to do. I'm not asking about alcohol, I'm asking about my relationship.

This *is* about your relationship. He broke up with you because of your alcohol use. It is very common for people to say "I can stop anytime i want to". Its the oldest line in the book. Your drinking was not because you started drinking socially again, it, in your own words was because " I am bipolar, and as a result of that, I tended to use drinking as a coping mechanism."

I had an ex-in-law and i have a relative through marriage (they married into my family) who are bipolar. It feels like everything is in control because you may be on the upswing. But when things are on the downswing, you can't say for certain you have learned new coping mechanisms or you won't self medicate. Do you take medications for your bipolar disorder to help you out so that you aren't self medicating? I am not saying medication is always the answer wondering if you are getting that help. I am glad that you have taken the first step - that you now realize you have a problem and are wanting help with it - but as other's said, the recovery process is not overnight. It is ongoing.

You don't need to patronize me about what I've got to do. I'm not asking about alcohol, I'm asking about my relationship.

You've already received advice about not breaking your NC when your partner has already ended the relationship; reaching out to him would set back your healing. If he wanted to contact you, he'd have done so by now.

This is the advice that anyone on here would get, even without the added difficulties of your mental health problems and alcoholism.

If you've come on here hoping to get advice on how to change your ex's mind, please bear in mind that it's impossible to change another person. While you say you're not asking about alcohol, by your own admission alcohol played a large part in the demise of your relationship and you cannot realistically separate the two. Substance abuse lays waste to all aspects of your personality - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual - and a few weeks abstinence is nowhere near long enough to make all the profound changes which would enable you to have healthy relationships.

Of course, the choice is always yours. But reaching out to him in this situation would be as damaging to you as taking the first drink.