I don't understand my ex at all

We broke up a long time ago, I definitely feel like I'm over him, but at the same time, I'll always still love him. We have quite the history together. The reason we broke up was because he had a gf the entire time we were together and I didn't know about her. When I found out, he told me things like, "it's not serious between us, you don't know the story". Or "we haven't had sex in at least 6 months". He and I were good friends for years before we began dating. He said he never told me about her because I've always been his dream woman and he didn't want to lose any chance with me. At any rate, we broke up.

Here I an a few years later and he contacted me after being in NC for 2 years. He wanted to see how I was doing, how my family was doing. So we exchanged a few friendly texts and then he asked if I'd like to join him for dinner when he's in my city for business next month. I then asked if he still has a gf.

He replied

"oh Jenny, it's only dinner, so what difference does it make if I have s gf or not?"

Me: "maybe she can join us"

him: "we don't even live together anymore. I've been busy with work and I haven't seen her in 2 months. Her and I have always had a complicated relationship that I'd rather not discuss"

me: "I'm not asking for details or asking to discuss anything. I just asked if you were still in a relationship and you won't answer that question so I assume that means you are. Therefore, I will not be meeting you out. In fact, I will likely Block you again"

Him: Jenny you are very special to me. I think about you all the time, I really think there is a strong possibility that we are like soulmates. I love you and care about you and I know you love me too. Please don't block me, I want to keep in Touch with you."

I went ahead and blocked him. He has nothing to offer except games. I dont understand why he has continued to be in a relationship with someone for years if he truly thinks about me and still loves me.

Because he's a harem master and you're likely not the only other woman he tries to mess around with. Don't waste anymore mental energy on trash.

Yeah. For the record, I've never contacted her. It's not my place to do that. And I know she never found out about me.

Regarding the latest text exchange, a friend said they probably don't live together right now perhaps because she's on a work project or maybe she's in school somewhere else (she's been taking night classss for several years to obtain a BA). Just because they don't live together right now doesn't mean it's because they needed time apart.

This could be true. He's sneaky like that.

How incredibly selfish of your ex to reach out after 2 years of nc and then give the response he did when you asked him that question. Don't meet him, block him and never talk to him again. You deserve better.

I went ahead and blocked him. He has nothing to offer except games. I dont understand why he has continued to be in a relationship with someone for years if he truly thinks about me and still loves me.

Do you realise how strong you are for doing that?! Well done. You have good judgement and strength of character. His relationship is in the dumps so he's falling back to you. Avoid him like the plague.

Thanks, Eternal! I have come a long way. Two years ago, I would've participated in text bickering with him for days or weeks. But now, I just walked away!

I was just thinking about how crazy it is how my responses changed over time (meaning no response at all.) Its a great feeling knowing you're breaking the cycle by just blocking someone instead of responding isn't it? I think that's a sure fire sign that you know what's best for your sanity

Wow, can this guy be anymore of a ?

He doesn't contact you in two years and then he contacts you because he will be in your town on business and wants to see if you are down to sleep with him, and YES, he has a girlfriend who may or may not be the same girlfriend he had the whole time you two dated.

Why haven't you blocked this fool ?

He sees women as something to pass the time with when he is horny, how could you have been friends with this loser ?

I was just thinking about how crazy it is how my responses changed over time (meaning no response at all.) Its a great feeling knowing you're breaking the cycle by just blocking someone instead of responding isn't it? I think that's a sure fire sign that you know what's best for your sanity

Yes, it's a great feeling for sure. In fact, I've noticed that I'm good at cutting ppl off who start displaying any type of drama or BS. I don't try to reason with them anymore or even give then the benefit of the doubt. I just block and ignore.

Wow, can this guy be anymore of a ?

 

He doesn't contact you in two years and then he contacts you because he will be in your town on business and wants to see if you are down to sleep with him, and YES, he has a girlfriend who may or may not be the same girlfriend he had the whole time you two dated.

 

Why haven't you blocked this fool ?

 

He sees women as something to pass the time with when he is horny, how could you have been friends with this loser ?

He kept saying its ONLY dinner so just meet me out, nothing more than dinner.

He kept saying its ONLY dinner so just meet me out, nothing more than dinner.

It takes a real narcissistic and vile person to cheat on your ENTIRE relationship with someone else, living a double life, looking at you in the face smiling and saying they love you, when they just got done visiting their other gf and screwing their brains out.

OF COURSE he will NOT tell you he wants to meet for sex, but what else does he want ? He never called you in two years and out of nowhere he is in town so he decides to stop by ? Why would he think it's ok to call you when he treated you like trash and put your sexual health at jeopardy by sleeping around behind your back ?

No mention of sorry, no apology, he calls you like it's good old friends meeting back up. What a joke.

The only one that ever cared here was you, and you are naive to take up for him, make excuses for him and taking such a passive aggressive stance to the back stabbing he did to you

Block his number and move on.

 

 

I went ahead and blocked him. He has nothing to offer except games. I dont understand why he has continued to be in a relationship with someone for years if he truly thinks about me and still loves me.

Actually, you DO understand, you just choose to get confused about his words and not take a look at his actions which are much more important than words

He can tell you he loves you and misses you, but he had been going to sleep with another woman your entire relationship and when you guys ended he kept on with the other woman and didn't contact you for two years, those are the actions of a player, not a guy that loves you.

I can type " I love you" in less than two seconds, cheating, lying, living a double life, that takes EFFORT, TIME, and constant planning, he INTENTIONALLY stepped all over you, so his meaningless words should not confuse you in the least bit, as they mean nothing at all.

It takes a real narcissistic and vile person to cheat on your ENTIRE relationship with someone else, living a double life, looking at you in the face smiling and saying they love you, when they just got done visiting their other gf and screwing their brains out.

 

OF COURSE he will NOT tell you he wants to meet for sex, but what else does he want ? He never called you in two years and out of nowhere he is in town so he decides to stop by ? Why would he think it's ok to call you when he treated you like trash and put your sexual health at jeopardy by sleeping around behind your back ?

 

No mention of sorry, no apology, he calls you like it's good old friends meeting back up. What a joke.

 

The only one that ever cared here was you, and you are naive to take up for him, make excuses for him and taking such a passive aggressive stance to the back stabbing he did to you

 

Block his number and move on.

You are absolutely right about him being a N. I know that word is thrown around a lot by jaded ex's, but he definitely fits the description of a malignant Narcissist. Trust me, I'm done with him. I only posted this to let it out. I am seeing a therapist for family issues, namely, "daddy issues." Next week, my therapist wants to talk to me about relationships that I've been in. I'll definitely bring him up. I'm sure she will find a common link between my "dad" and the guys I've been in relationships with. I can't wait to hear how she responds when I tell her about "Luke".

We broke up a long time ago, I definitely feel like I'm over him, but at the same time, I'll always still love him. We have quite the history together. The reason we broke up was because he had a gf the entire time we were together and I didn't know about her. When I found out, he told me things like, "it's not serious between us, you don't know the story". Or "we haven't had sex in at least 6 months". He and I were good friends for years before we began dating. He said he never told me about her because I've always been his dream woman and he didn't want to lose any chance with me. At any rate, we broke up.

 

Here I an a few years later and he contacted me after being in NC for 2 years. He wanted to see how I was doing, how my family was doing. So we exchanged a few friendly texts and then he asked if I'd like to join him for dinner when he's in my city for business next month. I then asked if he still has a gf.

 

He replied

"oh Jenny, it's only dinner, so what difference does it make if I have s gf or not?"

 

Me: "maybe she can join us"

 

him: "we don't even live together anymore. I've been busy with work and I haven't seen her in 2 months. Her and I have always had a complicated relationship that I'd rather not discuss"

 

me: "I'm not asking for details or asking to discuss anything. I just asked if you were still in a relationship and you won't answer that question so I assume that means you are. Therefore, I will not be meeting you out. In fact, I will likely Block you again"

 

Him: Jenny you are very special to me. I think about you all the time, I really think there is a strong possibility that we are like soulmates. I love you and care about you and I know you love me too. Please don't block me, I want to keep in Touch with you."

 

I went ahead and blocked him. He has nothing to offer except games. I dont understand why he has continued to be in a relationship with someone for years if he truly thinks about me and still loves me.

I have to ask why you would believe a single word that comes out of his mouth? He didn't love either of you, or he wouldn't have cheated on you both. Damn! He cheated on you the entirety of your relationship. I can't believe you were considering a dinner, much less responding to his texts. Do not unblock!!!!!

He kept saying its ONLY dinner so just meet me out, nothing more than dinner.

So what. He deceived you!