Emotional Affair advice please.

First time poster needing advice on a situation. Been married for 12 years, never had any problems, just usual arguments. One evening my wife and I are watching tv, she gets up to use the bathroom and the show where watching ends. I proceed to turn off the tv and go to bed, so i grab my bottle of water and my wifes phone and noticed shes been talking to someone, under a fake name. The last message that was sent was from her to him which states, Love you baby. At this point my heart is racing and my world is crashing, she walks in the room and i show her the message, she has this astonished look on her face. I question who this is, she states an old from from Florida where she use to live. They been talking a month and half, there is some emotions and feelings and of course I love you was stated. He is married, she claims they have no intentions of anything other than friendly chat.

I asked the reason as to why shes doing this and I get the, we've just don't seem like the same people we were etc, distant etc. Shes deleted him off FB, Instagram etc etc, but I cant trust her. I told her im willing to work it out and push through this but the trust, betrayal issue is hard to swallow. Im not sure what to do. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

Couple therapy

Your marriage is in grave danger.

If you waste time in denial you will lose your wife.

First Aid:

1. Do not tell her about this forum and do not use a computer/device she can ever have access to.

2. Secretly/asap purchase and read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let her see this book, and forget what you think you know about TL..., you're wrong.)

3. Until you understand, start becoming quiet with her. Offer no advice or direction. DO NOT SUGGEST COUNSELING. (This PopC catchall has some value later, but not now, and for not what you think.)

4. Decide if you really want to be married to her. (Very important!)

5. Keep coming back for more advice.

Helpful hints:

- Everything she tells you is a lie. That's NORMAL and to be expected.

- Stay calm and don't do anything rash. Do not leave the house!

- Become somewhat aloof.

I second couple's counselling. Her reaction and willingness to do that will speak volumes. She is not satisfied with your relationship, you need to get at the root of that. Don't assume it's all better because she blocked the dude, she probably still is unsatisfied.

Nothing is going to get your trust back other than a sincere change on her part, complete lack of incidences, and time. She can't "prove" she'll never do that again.

Your marriage is in grave danger.

 

If you waste time in denial you will lose your wife.

 

First Aid:

1. Do not tell her about this forum and do not use a computer/device she can ever have access to.

2. Secretly/asap purchase and read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let her see this book, and forget what you think you know about TL..., you're wrong.)

3. Until you understand, start becoming quiet with her. Offer no advice or direction. DO NOT SUGGEST COUNSELING. (This PopC catchall has some value later, but not now, and for not what you think.)

4. Decide if you really want to be married to her. (Very important!)

5. Keep coming back for more advice.

 

Helpful hints:

- Everything she tells you is a lie. That's NORMAL and to be expected.

- Stay calm and don't do anything rash. Do not leave the house!

- Become somewhat aloof.

You make it sound overly dramatic, like there is so much pressure on him to fix this. In reality, if his wife continues her reckless behavior SHE risks losing her husband.

Yep, address this complaint in marriage therapy asap 77;6797477]I asked the reason as to why shes doing this and I get the, we've just don't seem like the same people we were etc, distant etc.

She should have talked to YOU about her discontent with the marriage. Instead, she chats it up with some man that she states she loves. Very troubling. She may have checked out of your marriage already. The two of you need to be on the same page with regards to wanting to fix this. I do agree with Lester in that you have to want to stay in this marriage. If that is what you want - she has to want that too. From there, I see therapy as the next option. I don't think you two can go this alone. Good luck.