Sad, worried, feel rejected, left alone and I feel theres no place for me here.

I dont even know where this thread belongs to. I feel like in general, every part of my life is being influenced by the way Im feeling right now.

I lived in another country for almost 10 years, leaving my mother land when I was bearly 18. I learned to become self sufficient, I learned a complete different language and integrated very well in a whole different culture. I had very good friends, and I finished my studies. I always missed my conuntry and family and was glad when I finished with my profession so that I could go back.

Now that I am back in my country, after almost a year, I feel like there is no place for me here. I have no money, I cant work in my profession here (I decided not to work with my family because I was afraid of mixing work and our relationship), I just came out of a relationship and I am broken hearted, even though I know its for the best, and even though I am so thankful for what it was. He felt I didn impress him enough as a person. I guess its because Ive been in the limbo for months, not knowing what to do with my life, but I was very loving, thoughtful and always tried doing everything I did for him with love.

I am also dealing with someone whith whom Ive always had a fling with, which after years of knowing him, even though he is a narcissist, always only wants to party, and can be very hurtful in what he says, I feel like he speaks truth and is very hurtful to me. He's become very good friends with my sister, and also has had a fling with her in the past, and she knew I had feelings for him even though he has never felt the same way about me. But they get well along. And I feel rejected whenever I am whith them, he's very fond of her, and he treats me with no respect. He says I have to "harden up", and because I am thinking of going back to the country I was at before, to work hard for a couple of months, make money and be able to travel some more, he says Im running away from my situation here. He says I wont be happy there, and that I should settle for what I could do here, even though I wouldnt be able to work in my profession, (unless its with my mom). Im afraid im making a mistake in wanting to leave.

I live in a beautiful country, the perfect wheather, but I cant make enough money here to travel the world. I know I would stay here for a long time without discovering other things and I feel like now, that nothing keeps me here, that i dont have a relationship, kids, the job I want, Its a time I should use to be able to do things of my own. To get out of my comfort zone. I dont know if going back to Europe is going back to my comfort zone. It doesnt matter where I am, I feel lonely. I have good friends, but of course, they all have a life of their own.

Some think I didnt really give it a try and Im just giving up.

I dont know what to do, I have moments of happiness and I think its just stupid to feel the way I am. But I feel so rejected. I have very low self esteem and Im sad. Im really sad. I feel people dont really see me, I feel like they dont respect me enough and even though I am attractive I feel like I dont shine and I feel it isnt enough. I hardly find anyone interesting and I have trouble finding other people attractive. I've always just wanted what I can't have.

I would like to share beautiful things with someone, travel together, do stuff in nature, become a mother in the next couple of years, have a family.

I feel like Im a waste of potential.

And I wish it didnt hurt so much, this rejection.

I know my family will always love me, but I also want to be seen with respect and pride.

I hate feeling like a stupid little victim.

I have partied fairly in the last couple of months, knowing that I shouldnt to numb the pain, I have been using drugs and of course afterwards I only feel worse.

I dont know what Im doing, I know its time to make a decision, and just when I feel like I know what I should do, this huge doubt come along again.

Im very worried about my mental health. I feel physical pain and I wake up sad every day.

Im so greatful for any thoughts, and yes, I know we all feel lost at least a couple of times in our lives, and that maybe this is a wake up call for me.

I wish I stopped being such a !

It's important to go out and work in any job you can find at the moment as well as continue to pursue jobs in your field..Try interning or volunteering in that field and put that on your resume.

Also get involved with your community in groups, clubs, adult classes, sports, volunteering, etc. Stop wasting your life on drugs and partying. Are your parents supporting coddling you? Who enables this lifestyle?

Pursuing a go nowhere fwb with someone you don't respect is not helping you and wasting your time and energy. Get on some dating apps and see who is out there for you locally.

Agree that dragging this mentality around will make you unhappy wherever you are. Being inert and idle surely can't make you happy, can it?

I am back in my country, after almost a year. I have no money, I cant work in my profession here. I am also dealing with someone whith whom Ive always had a fling with, which after years of knowing him, even though he is a narcissist, always only wants to party, and can be very hurtful in what he says. I cant make enough money here to travel the world. It doesnt matter where I am, I feel lonely.

I was very loving, thoughtful and always tried doing everything I did for him with love.

Honestly, this sounds pretty amazing. Your ex may not have appreciated these attributes, but many others probably would.

Don't take advice from narcissists who don't care about or respect you! As I read through this thread, I sense that you actually do know what you want -- to leave your country, make money in Europe and travel -- but others don't understand.

Here's a question for you: Is your life working? Are you happy? Do you want to keep doing what you've been doing and keep getting the results you've been getting, or are you ready for a change? Do you want to live the life others want you to live, or do you want to live the life YOU want to live?

Follow your heart. Take bold steps to change your environment. Stop partying and taking drugs. Find a way to work in the profession for which you are trained. These answers are simple, but not easy. It will require courage for you to create a better life. But you are the only one who can do it -- no one can do it for you.

Smile, OP. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Start your journey today and don't look back.

So many professionals move countries and transfer their degrees, do additional training required locally for any licensing, so that they can continue on practicing their profession. So from that perspective, I don't see what's stopping you from doing the same. You already have a profession, so get off your rear end and do what you need to do so you can work where you are. In the alternative, go back to where you were happy and fit in.

Yes, when you are gone for a long time from one place and then return to it, things have changed, you have changed and fitting back in again is a job. Just like you had to work to integrated when you moved before, you need to do the same work now to reintegrate. The life you left behind doesn't remain static and how you remember, it evolves and when you return, the changes can be a shock.

Ultimately you need to make a decision where you actually want to live and put down your roots so to speak and then stick to it. What you don't want to do is end up like some people going back and forth over and over never doing what it takes to fit properly into either place and forever unhappy. Decide and then do what it takes to integrate.

Its also about not being able to earn enough money in a third world country and being to travel and do things I would like to do outside of the country if I eventually want to..

Why do I have to make a decision of staying in one place now?

I feel like Itd be great if I could be back and fourth for a while and embrace that opportunity of being able to... but of course, I dont wanna feel like Im running away from my problems...

It is very manipulative to say that you are "running away from problems" when things are not working. My grandmother said this about my aunt when her husband died -- she travelled non-stop for two years. Then she was FINE for the next 15 years. On the other hand, my grandmother refused to do ANYTHING worthwhile after my grandfather died at around the same time, and never got over it.

It sounds like having money and being able to do things is important to you -- and that you are in limbo because there is simply no way to do that where you are now. I think you need to face facts that you need to go back where you were and work. It doesn't necessarily mean the rest of your life, but it is unrealistic to run back and forth many times a year. Maybe plan a month at home every year? Then you see family, catch up with everyone, but still have a life. The limbo is really upsetting you and there does not seem to really be a solution where you are. Also, maybe you should be looking for a MUCH higher quality man.

Unless you start working and being financially independent how are you going to finance this travel? Why can't you find paying jobs that involve travel if that's a passion? It's doubtful that you'll find these jobs doing drugs in clubs and living at home.

Its also about not being able to earn enough money in a third world country and being to travel and do things I would like to do outside of the country if I eventually want to..Why do I have to make a decision of staying in one place now?

What is your profession, and why would you be able to work in it with your mother but not otherwise?

What is your profession, and why would you be able to work in it with your mother but not otherwise?

I am a midwife. She is a director of a birth centre and I find it very difficult working with her and my sister-. And I can't earn much and I would be on call.

I think its healthier for me to leave for a couple of months, work in Europe, make money, dont mix business with family, and see what happens.

I have been an expat for majority of my life as well. Often I feel this way. When I moved back to my home country 5 years ago, it was very difficult - I understand. I am living overseas again however I do not have a job and very little money. It is hard.