Disrespect

Mutual respect in relationships

I'm not big about putting my business out there but this situation has me questioning myself. My wife and I have known each other a long time, most of our lives. We had an on Again off again relationship when we were younger and have now been solid for 7years. Throughout these 7 years she has had a string of male friends and while at first they appear to be our friends the alter motives always surface. Nothing good has come from any of it I'm a very confident individual or at least I was at one time. What has happened traditionally is these guys hang around pretending to be my friend and waiting for the opportunity be there when we are on the outs. So fast forward we separated for a few months last year, got back together and things were really cool. I felt like we were moving in a good direction until one of her friends introduces us to a guy in our apartments that we didnt know. This time I took a different approach to it we all hung out one night and when the night was over I simply told her I didn't want any new friends. That I would appreciate it if she didn't make it a point to be his friend it would only cause problems. We agreed I was at peace and felt good. I didn't even make it home from work the next day when she sent me an accidental text message intended for him. That was 3 months ago. I've been pissed off ever since and not getting over it.

So what do you normally do when it becomes apparent to you that these guys have ulterior motive and what does your wife do?

She adheres to the fact that regardless of how they may feel she isn't attracted to them. In the tpast I've just played it cool and attempted to be friends with most off them which has ended in failure every time. I'm really not that difficult but within a few months this person has as I predicted, was closer to her than I was, he knew more about what was going on in her life than I did. She started calling him to come do things around our apartment instead of asking me too. In a very short time I could tell this cat had been at my apartment a hell of a lot more that the times I was told. And honestly he hasn't really done anything except be at the wrong place time. I'm not a control freak or sim overly jealous person this is the one and only time I've ever asked anything like this. Inversely I have zero female friends, I have been told on neumorus occasions to not be friends with different females we have encountered for what ever reason I respect that. I pay rent, utilities, groceries and most of our entertainment expenses Insurince. I feel that after the conversation we had after the night we hung out it should have ended there. For me now every time I hear the man's name it reminds me of how little my value is here. The

The fact that your relationship has always been on-again, off-again is a symptom of the relationship not being the right one for you. I chose a man who didn't have female friends and we discussed those boundaries when we were dating. Of course, we each have opposite sex co-workers who we chat with at work and are Facebook friends with, etc., but neither of us exchange phone numbers or hang out with them. It has nothing to do with lack of trust. Close male/female friendships have a different dynamic, even if there is no romantic/sexual interest at all.

That may work for some open-minded couples and that's their choice, but it's not for everyone. You are clearly livid about it, and tried it, but saw it didn't work. Clearly, she's going to continue on with that behavior, so she's not going to change. Her male friendships mean more to her than your happiness.

Why don't you realize that love isn't enough. You two are not compatible. Even though you've spent a good long time with her, it's time to end things so you can eventually meet someone who shares your ethics and relationship boundaries. Life will be a lot more pleasant then. I promise you. Take care.

Focus on your marriage. Why did you separate? An interloper has no entry in an intact solid marriage. What did the text say?

Do you think she's a flirt? Needs excess male attention? Is having emotional affairs? fast forward we separated for a few months last year, got back together and things were really cool. I would appreciate it if she didn't make it a point to be his friend it would only cause problems. I didn't even make it home from work the next day when she sent me an accidental text message intended for him.

On/off again relationship should be your bigger concern. It implies major, ongoing, fundamental issues in your relationship and perhaps a lot of incompatibility between the two of you.

These guys are nothing more than a distraction from the real problems, a symptom, not the disease, and treating symptoms is a never ending wild goose chase because it doesn't cure the actual disease.