My Girlfriend "flirts" online with other men

Hi guys,

Good day to you, may i check if the following situation is normal please:

1. Girlfriend adds tons of random FB guy friends she does not know in RL

2. Clicked Likes on their flirtatious posts and comments, there is even one of her workplace customers calling her "baby"

3. I have previously confronted her on this and she mentioned there is nothing wrong, its just online and i should not be sensitive.

4. During our heated argument i lost control of myself and slapped her, i have since apologise.

5. She moved out of my apartment and requested for some time to think about us and blocked me on FB

Firstly, i am not sure if what she did was correct norm or am i really too hard up ? secondly, i know i screwed up by slapping her but by moving out and blocking me on fb, does her message to me mean that i am lower status than her "friends" on her fb?

What should i do next? i planned to propose to her mid year but i guess it may not happen afterall

This is one of those situations where people will have HUGELY different opinions.

Slapping a girl - ALWAYS wrong.

...flirty txts/messages/posts on FB etc... some will see as harmless and an ego-boost, others will condone this and say the slightest flirt/ 'babe'/ 'x' to other people while you're in a relationship is cheating. For this one, I think you have to work out your tolerance and set it in stone. If you can't handle this, then breaking up is the only course of action as from what you've said, she doesn't see anything wrong with this and I doubt she'll change (or worse, she'll start to hide it more from you). If you pretend you can handle it but secretly can't, this will just cause more arguments so you need to be honest with yourself here.

If she's pretty, girls revel in this sort of attention it seems... she may be cheating, or it could just be as I said, casual ego-boosting. You can't really know, all you can do is trust her until the time more evidence presents itself.

For now, all you can do is give her time.

She blocked you because she needs space. It COULD be her way of phasing you out, or it could be her just thinking through things and she'll come around. Her friends have stayed because they haven't done anything wrong... sadly you have. You're both in the wrong here, but unfortunately, you're more wrong. I've never hit a girl but I know many girls have a *no-touch* rule and if you break that, you're out, so all you can do is wait.

If you're serious about her, you HAVE to give her space... the occasional txt, bunch of flowers etc is fine, but she needs to calm down before larger signs of affection are shown otherwise it will just remind her of the incident and she'll pull further away.

This is one of those situations where people will have HUGELY different opinions.

 

Slapping a girl - ALWAYS wrong.

 

...flirty txts/messages/posts on FB etc... some will see as harmless and an ego-boost, others will condone this and say the slightest flirt/ 'babe'/ 'x' to other people while you're in a relationship is cheating. For this one, I think you have to work out your tolerance and set it in stone. If you can't handle this, then breaking up is the only course of action as from what you've said, she doesn't see anything wrong with this and I doubt she'll change (or worse, she'll start to hide it more from you). If you pretend you can handle it but secretly can't, this will just cause more arguments so you need to be honest with yourself here.

 

If she's pretty, girls revel in this sort of attention it seems... she may be cheating, or it could just be as I said, casual ego-boosting. You can't really know, all you can do is trust her until the time more evidence presents itself.

 

For now, all you can do is give her time.

 

She blocked you because she needs space. It COULD be her way of phasing you out, or it could be her just thinking through things and she'll come around. Her friends have stayed because they haven't done anything wrong... sadly you have. You're both in the wrong here, but unfortunately, you're more wrong. I've never hit a girl but I know many girls have a *no-touch* rule and if you break that, you're out, so all you can do is wait.

 

If you're serious about her, you HAVE to give her space... the occasional txt, bunch of flowers etc is fine, but she needs to calm down before larger signs of affection are shown otherwise it will just remind her of the incident and she'll pull further away.

Thank you sir well said! i know i am definitely in the wrong for slapping her, and any ladies at that, i just lost myself in the heat of the moment she was spouting too many hurtful comments. I will give her space, but my friends who are still linked to her FB told me she is still continuing liking random guy flirt comments and posts calling her "BB". How much time do you think i should give her?

I doubt she's cheating, but there are plenty of behaviours which are disrespectful to a relationship which aren't physically cheating - and this is one of them.

For what it's worth, although my partner isn't really active on FB, I asked him to update his side so that he and I are listed as being in a relationship; part of this was to STOP flirty (and sometimes quite obscene) messages from other guys. Not all girls revel in uninvited attention!

That said, it doesn't justify slapping her. The fact that she's moved out and blocked you has nothing to do with her "friends" on FB; it's about her not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who has hit her.

You don't say how long you two have been together, or how long ago all this happened, but probably the best course of action for you is to assume that it's over, get your life together and realise that you and any partner need to be on the same page when it comes to relationship boundaries. Or it's just not going to work.

I doubt she's cheating, but there are plenty of behaviours which are disrespectful to a relationship which aren't physically cheating - and this is one of them.

 

For what it's worth, although my partner isn't really active on FB, I asked him to update his side so that he and I are listed as being in a relationship; part of this was to STOP flirty (and sometimes quite obscene) messages from other guys. Not all girls revel in uninvited attention!

 

That said, it doesn't justify slapping her. The fact that she's moved out and blocked you has nothing to do with her "friends" on FB; it's about her not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who has hit her.

 

You don't say how long you two have been together, or how long ago all this happened, but probably the best course of action for you is to assume that it's over, get your life together and realise that you and any partner need to be on the same page when it comes to relationship boundaries. Or it's just not going to work.

YEs i agree with you , i did not approved when she requested we put our online relationship status on fb because i simply hate fb and only use it for work and networking purposes. i am mentally prepared for this to end but i cant wait indefinitely for her to get back to me with her stuffs mostly still lying around my place. Should i be gentlemen and contact her to break off instead?

i am mentally prepared for this to end but i cant wait indefinitely for her to get back to me with her stuffs mostly still lying around my place. Should i be gentlemen and contact her to break off instead?

Yes, if you can. By whatever means, contact her to say you assume the relationship's over and she needs to have her stuff back so you can both move on. If it would be easier not to see her face-to-face, suggest (or get her to suggest) somewhere you could leave her stuff for her to collect.

You two are done.

She has poor boundaries with other men, and you apparently can't control your temper. This is a volatile mix and the damage is done, in my opinion.

I agree with the above suggestion to arrange for her to pick up her belongings while you are not there, or get a third party to do it.

Yes, if you can. By whatever means, contact her to say you assume the relationship's over and she needs to have her stuff back so you can both move on. If it would be easier not to see her face-to-face, suggest (or get her to suggest) somewhere you could leave her stuff for her to collect.

Yes Canuck and Mutbrown, today she just collected her stuffs and told me we have no feelings anymore. i agreed and she proceeded to shift.....but left half her belonging behind because theres too much! now i have to worry she may pop in again soon to collect the rest pffffff....

by the way she said the reason we broke off was also due to me hitting her (gotta admit the damage is done) and also she had another guy for a few months already (wow b*tch).

Thanks for help guys appreciate it

Lordy, you're well out of that one, aren't you!

Sorry you're going through this though.

(((HUGS)))

I think you're both in the wrong and I don't think you are good for eachother and definitely should not get engaged. You sound like a couple of 16 year olds.