She flirty texted another guy and kissed him

so basically my GF of almost 3 years was messaging this guy who also had a GF, they do the same course at uni, im 20, shes 19! but they meet up at library to study and were friends but i never really seen him as a threat! I'll admit i dropped the ball recently with not giving her attention, but i found out recently they were texting last week saying they were developing feelings, he picked her up one night to talk about it, and she says he went in for a kiss and they kissed for 2 seconds but then she freaked out and regretted what she had done! i confronted her about it and she just cried constantly apologizing, saying she didnt mean it, how it was the biggest mistake of her life, but im just struggling to know what to do, like i read the messages and for about 5 days they were saying some heavy stuff! I'm trying to talk to her about it, but she hates talking about it and breaks down almost everytime i mention the texts! I really do love the girl and i know she loves me, like no one would have seen it coming, like over the 3 years shes been the most loyal person to me! i want to forget about it and be with her, but my trust and respect have been shattered! is this unforgiveable or does she deserve another go??

Are you in a LDR? How often do you see each other? How often does she see him? Does she still have feelings for him?

no we're both at the same uni, about 2-3 times a week, but recently its been hard to make time with uni work etc, and she doesnt talk to him at all now and has blocked him on all social media, she said it was the attention he give her she found attractive because i wasnt giving her any

Sounds like cheating is her way of dealing with not getting enough attention? How did it come about that she admitted all this to you?

Was she trying to make a point about what she's capable of if you attend to your work and studies instead of her all the time?

no we're both at the same uni, about 2-3 times a week, but recently its been hard to make time with uni work etc, and she doesnt talk to him at all now and has blocked him on all social media, she said it was the attention he give her she found attractive because i wasnt giving her any

last week she tried to talk about breaking up cause she felt like the spark was dying, but i told her i'd win her back and with a couple of days everything was back to normal! she said that she felt like the real me was back the one she fell in love with! i know i was wronged for doing this but a couple of days ago i checked her phone and saw the messages that had been sent the previous week

Where do you want to go from here, now that her trick worked to get your attention?

last week she tried to talk about breaking up cause she felt like the spark was dying. a couple of days ago i checked her phone and saw the messages that had been sent the previous week

like i really do want to give her the benefit of the doubt that it was flirty attention that went too far, but i dont know if she deserves it!

An emotionally mature woman would've told you she felt like she was being ignored so that the problem could be remedied. Healthy couples communicate with each other about their wants and needs, and if nothing gets better, a clean break is better than straying.

Instead, she blamed you for her actions. Instead, she regularly communicated with a guy she has chemistry with. She didn't care enough about you to put your relationship in jeapordy by flirting with another guy and actually kissing him. She is lacking in ethics and boundaries.

Every relationship has ups, down, and plateaus. Sometimes you feel the excitement. Other times you float along on an even keel. Of course you have to make an effort in a relationship, but do you now have to walk on eggshells every time you have an overload of studying to do or have to work overtime, and don't have as much time to spend with her, thinking she might be seeking attention elsewhere?

As for me, I don't give second chances for stuff like this. In her case, she is young and might be learning some life lessons here and who knows--maybe she can change for the better. It's up to you if you want to give her a second chance, but if you do, don't check up on her. The truth will make itself known without any sleuthing on your part.

I'll be honest in saying that she did on occasions she did try to talk to me about it! but you're right she is lacking ethics and boundaries! I in normal cases of a relationship would never even consider giving a second chance, but its just because it has been 3 years and she did mean the world to me i dont know what im going to do

I find it unforgivable, but that's just me. Every person views this type of situation differently. Kind of a lame excuse to blame it on you for not paying attention to her.

In any other relationship i'd be out the door in a shot, but its just because its been 3 years and she really did mean the world to me

I hear you... I've been with the same girl for 5 years and I would be torn if she did this to me. It is easy to make suggestions when it's something we're not dealing with.

Just lay out boundaries of what you consider as cheating. If she does it again, then that's on her and she knows the consequences.

I wish you all the best with her, and the amount of times i've broke down because of it is too high! like i believe i could forgive a kiss, its just my worry that there could be more too it

would it be worth giving her the chance to prove it was just a kiss and no more?

For being together 3 years, did you two already have boundaries set and what was considered cheating?

basically anything you'd be embarrassed to be caught doing, so kissing is cheating, but i think i could forgive her if it was just a kiss

That's completely up to you. No one can predict if she will do something like this again or take it further in the future. The main question you should be asking yourself is if you can ever trust her again

i've been asking myself that for the last couple of days, would it ever be the same again!

Prove? How so? It's her word. She can't prove or disprove that sexual activity took place, she can only confess to what she supposedly did. And you can either believe her and forgive her ...or not.

But that is not the question. The question is the grossly immature need for attention and ways of getting that if not from you, from others.

would it be worth giving her the chance to prove it was just a kiss and no more?

well i didnt get the chance to read all the messages, and i believe if there was anymore to it they would have talked about it?? and you're completely right, like i'll admit i did take her abit for granted but there were so many other ways she could have delt with the situation

Do you think those messages were saved or deleted? Sex is an action, not a text conversation she can show you to rule it in or out. It sounds like she did this and the fake break up to teach you a lesson about not giving her the attention she wanted.

well i didnt get the chance to read all the messages, and i believe if there was anymore to it they would have talked about it?

You said you confronted her about kissing the guy. Did she actually confess this to you on her own or did you find out from someone else?

but surely if they had sex they would have talked about it?? and i read messages and asked her and she admitted kissing him, but she has denied anything else ever took place, i do kinda of believe that considering she lives with 4 other girls who would have been revolted if they found out, and he has a gf and he lives at home so his parents i believe would have found out

Sex is an act not a conversation. If she gave him a bj in the car you don't have to text about it. The point being, either you can get over it and trust/believe/forgive her...or not. Rifling through her phone will not prove or disprove anything.

but surely if they had sex they would have talked about it??

I understand what you're saying, i guess i'll never know exactly what happened between them, guys if i could ask yous just to give me your honest opinion on what you'd do in my situation, i'd really appreciate it?