My dad is dying

My dad was diagnosed with liver cirrhosis 5 years ago. We weren't really close while I was growing up because he struggled with addiction. We grew closer over the last 5 years since he was diagnosed, if I had a problem I would confide in him.

We spent a lot of time together this summer in particular and at the beginning of August, he took a sudden turn for the worse. His mind has rapidly decorated since, he sleeps all the time, and has become really hostile and verbally abusive towards me and my mom, I can't talk to him about things going on in my life like I used to because he's not lucid most of the time anymore. Anyday now, he could slip into a coma and pass .

i had moved back in last year to help my mom. At the beginning of August, I got laid off from my job and I haven't had any easy time finding work. Because of that, I've been feeling very hopeles, I have been regretting moving back in and taking on this burden. I don't understand how or why I've sunken so low.

This past Friday he made a nasty comment towards me, I couldn't take it anymore, everything just broke ,and I just snapped on him and we got in a huge fight and I took off. While I know it wasn't right and I regret my actions, the stress has just become too much for me. I came back home after 3 days, want to leave so badly, but I feel an obligation to be here, see this through until the end. I've just been very sad about everything, I and I needed to vent.

I have a cousin who is mentally ill. He has an amazing ability to push my buttons, and I'm sad to say I've found myself yelling at him a few times. He makes ridiculous paranoia-based accusations. I always feel bad after such an encounter, because I'm mentally stable (well, you know, relatively so ) and I should know better.

Don't beat yourself up. You're in a very difficult and stressful situation. If you can find ways to get out of the house once in a while, maybe to exercise or something, it may help diffuse some of the tension you are feeling.

Be glad you had the opportunity to spend time with him this summer. Try to remember him the way he was, not the way he is.

I agree with what gebaird has said. Also, please take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't have anything to give to your parents.

Don't be so hard on yourself, OP. Look at what you're doing for your family. You're a good person - Please know this. Also, you're human. We all have moments of weakness, irritability, etc. Not one of us is invincible. Be proud of who you are and what you have done. You will get through this. Savour this time as best you can with your dad, regardless of your disagreement.

Sending positive vibes your way.

A giant Internet hug to you. One thing, a mantra if you will, to tell yourself when it gets very bad, "He didn't choose this disease, it chose him. He, the father I love, would never have agreed to this and he's in there somewhere and this isn't really who he is in his heart." And you repeat that whenever you have to, however much you have to.

I say this because I'm taking care of my mother who has Alzheimer's and now cancer and yes, it is very stressful at times. I am left with someone who is a shadow of herself and at times she gets very mean, sometimes to me, sometimes to other family members, worst of all to total strangers. And I've come to understand that pain and fear will do that to a person sometimes.

Focus on staying positive and find something you can do daily that allows you to destress - neighborhood walks, take up running, something that gets you out of the house even for 15 minutes to help put a buffer there in place. Work with your mom and if you can look for support groups in your area or online that you can talk to. Calling your local hospital or even the doctor that's treating your dad should get you some references if need be.

Being a caregiver to someone else is a job that's full of stress and love all in one. And it's not for the faint of heart, so I for one think you're a pretty brave guy to shoulder all of this. Don't forget to look out for yourself and don't forget to pace yourself. As someone else on this forum told me when I first came here looking for support after my mother had been diagnosed it isn't a sprint, more like a marathon and beyond and you have to pace yourself or you're going to burn out. Find what makes you feel better daily, even if it's just for five minutes, ten, fifteen, and do that. Switch breaks between you and your mom to give each other some time out of the house, and yes look at all treatment and caregiving options available to you.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up about what happened. Somewhere deep inside he knows you love him, even if he can't consciously express that. Keep that in mind, do what it takes to keep calm, keep focused. It will get better, you will find strengths you never even knew you had. Get some sleep and eat well too.

And yes, come here to vent if you need to do so. Journaling helps a ton as well.

Yes leaving was the right thing to do. Finding work and moving out asap is also the right thing to do. You can be kind, compassionate, help your mother, etc without living there.

Stop expecting someone with Alcohol-related dementia to be as he was before. It's tragic to see someone decline this way, but stay strong and do not get frustrated. Instead read up on Alcohol-related dementia and end-stage liver failure.

we got in a huge fight and I took off. back home after 3 days, want to leave so badly, but I feel an obligation to be here.