Girlfriend lives with her Ex

I know it's not a terribly long time, but me and my girlfriend will have been dating/together 2.5 months this week. We've met one another's parents and we both have planned so many dates together. I'm nearly certain that I have fallen in love with this woman, regardless of what you're going to read here. When we first started seeing one another, I'd go over to her place twice a week (I live far away and her work is close to her house, so it's easier). I knew then that she had two guy roommates, and they both seemed really cool, though one would try to distance himself as much as he could.

Around Halloween his girlfriend broke up with him, and I saw him at the Halloween party at their place. A couple weeks later, he apparently heard us having sex one morning. She gets a text message indicating this, and then proceeds to tell me that they used to date, "if you can call it that," she says. She continues by saying that he cheated on her twice and she ultimately told him enough. Now he's miserable because everyone around him is in a relationship. She has a history of maintaining friendships with her exes, as do I, so I thought nothing of it.

Fast forward another week, and he lost his job. His depression even higher, and doors slam whenever I'm there. For the next two weeks whenever I'm there, the ex isn't there. Add onto that that we've now not spent the night at her place the last two weeks (but she at mine once). She says the situation is very stressful to her, but that she won't allow him to come in the way of her happiness. However, she's doing everything in her power to keep me from even trying to talk with the guy. On top of that, she still interacts with all of his social media posts, and obviously sees him daily.

They've known eachother for a long time, and I've only known her for a short period, so I have no case to make any ultimatums or anything. All I can do is what I have been, trusting what she tells me. I just can't shake the feeling that there's something she's not telling me, even though she's told me a lot about the situation. It's making our relationship difficult to find the time for one another, because I apparently cause this dude to want to punch me out. If he's willing to fight me when he sees me, there's clearly more than just depression for being alone and jobless, he has to feel like she's shoving me in his face. So obviously she's stopped doing that. I just don't understand how she can live with him if he's preventing her from doing what she wants with me. We're trying to work around it, but as I've fallen in love, my want is to be with her more.

I hate to break this to you...but you were her fling and she is living with her boyfriend. Btw...she had the fling for revenge.

I hate to break this to you...but you were her fling and she is living with her boyfriend. Btw...she had the fling for revenge.

I wouldn't jump to those conclusions... Something's definitely unstable somewhere though... Not that she's necessarily a manipulative b**ch though.

IMO drop the "I love her" idea, because at 2.5 months I guarantee that you don't... Take it as a fun experience and don't let it inconvenience you or put you in any dangerous or uncomfortable situations... If she's legit she'll get herself into a better life situation where you can start to consider a genuine relationship together... I wouldn't count on it though, so until things change just enjoy it for what it's worth and don't get too attached.

aderane2k , This is a red flag, my view: if you are so smitten with her and is risk-loving, guess you would continue to play the game. Chances are she is not economically independent to be on her own. If you have a place for her to stay, tell her you like her enough to still be with her after she break up then a relationship between both of you is possible.

I would just tell her that you would love to date her and all, but she can give you a call when she moves, and they've officially severed all ties.Until she moves out, I would just assume that they're still sleeping together or could at any time

aderane2k , my view: if you are so smitten with her and is risk-loving, guess you would continue to play the game. Chances are she is not economically independent to be on her own. If you have a place for her to stay, tell her you like her enough to still be with her after she break up then a relationship between both of you is possible.

They have been "dating" for 2.5 months and she has an has a bf she is living with....and she is supposed to move in withOP?

That maybe more insane than his current problem.

Like I said, as long as she lives with him, I wouldnt go out with her at all. Its asking for trouble.

Like I said, as long as she lives with him, I wouldnt go out with her at all. Its asking for trouble.

I wouldn't invite her to move in either...for at least a decade.

Maybe I'm just being naïve, but I don't think it's a "fling" situation.

The move in with the two roommates happened the weekend before our first date, so it's very fresh, and the chances of the living situation changing soon are minimal.

It's in the way we speak to one another that makes me think there's nothing to worry about. We've planned serious outings, trips, and holiday plans. She's used terms like "relationship" "my love" and all variants without saying it herself. She's been incredibly open with me about her past relationships, so I feel deep down that she's being honest with me when she urges me to not be jealous, that she's been cheated on her whole life and can't fathom it.

But again, maybe I'm just being naïve.

It's in the way we speak to one another that makes me think there's nothing to worry about. We've planned serious outings, trips, and holiday plans. She's used terms like "relationship" "my love" and all variants without saying it herself. She's been incredibly open with me about her past relationships, so I feel deep down that she's being honest with me when she urges me to not be jealous, that she's been cheated on her whole life and can't fathom it.

Said every sucker ever...

Seriously though, maybe she is legit. You have no way to know for sure, and neither do we... I think most guys have gone down that rope and been burned at least once, so don't feel bad if it doesn't work out... I'm just saying keep your marbles in check, don't compromise yourself, and if you decide to proceed, do so knowing that this is likely a temporary thing, until proven otherwise. Doesn't mean it's worthless though, as long as you don't get yourself caught up in a mess.

I would tell her that you think she's really great, but that nothing can happen between the two of you until either her or her ex move somewhere different. It's as simple as that really. Don't invest any energy in to a cr@p situation like this, it's rubbish.

^^I agree,I wouldn't have gone there in the first place.I would just back off and tell her that I'm not comfortable with her living situation, but she can give me a call when she finds a new place to live with someone she hasn't slept with. If I were you OP, and my new bf was still living with his ex.. I wouldn't even bother.This girl probably rides both for you in bed. It's your call

I can only speak for myself. First, I won't set myself up as a rebound by messing with anyone who is straight out of a relationship. I'd rather preserve future potential by saying, "I adore you, and I can see us dating far into the future, so I'm walking away while we both think highly of one another. You can contact me after you've resolved all ghosts from your past, and if I'm still available we can meet to catch up."

Second, I won't involve myself with anyone who still has an ex in the picture--in any way, shape or form beyond shared children. I don't believe it makes them a horrible person, I'm just not interested in dealing with that kind of baggage. Again, "You can contact me if you ever resolve all ghosts from your past..."

So I'm not sure if you'd find these views helpful, but they sure do simplify.

I would tell her that you think she's really great, but that nothing can happen between the two of you until either her or her ex move somewhere different. It's as simple as that really. Don't invest any energy in to a cr@p situation like this, it's rubbish.

I agree. Tell her that. I know it sucks because you really like her, but this situation isn't healthy as is. I was involved in a relationship with a woman I loved, and she had a toxic relationship with an ex-boyfriend that eventually really came between us. In hindsight, I wish I would have told her that she had to settle her business with her ex boyfriend before we could continue the relationship.

And that's what you should do too.