Wants forgiveness after 7 months of No Contact

This is my first ever post in any forum. So, I really don't know is this the right category.

I was a teacher of a girl for 2.5 years from Class 5 - 7. She is 14.5 and I'm 26.

During that time, she wanted to have relationship with some really bad boys. I have saved her from those things. I have inspired her to be happy and confident. She always wanted to be like someone else; but I gave her assurance that she is perfect. By this way, We became very good friend. She always told me that I am her closest person. She wants me to be her teacher up to SSC (Class 10).

But, in 1st semester of class 7, she failed in Math. Her parents told me not come. His new teacher was a boy who lived their flat who always gave attention her in a bad way (she told me that). I thought the boy will not continue because he was bad. But, she became his student very happily. (I believe she always had the need of attention)

From August to December 2014, We were in NC.

But, I have always wanted to know

• Why she did not say to her parents that she wants me
  
• Why she became student of that boy
  
• Why she told me that I was her closest person but did not remain my side when I needed her
  
• Was all Drama
  

So, on January 21, 2015, I sent her a letter asking above questions. OMG, she was really furious. She didn't answer any of my questions. She wrote not to contact her. Stating that she has fully changed and she hopes I will understand.

On that night, I felt my heart will jump out from my body. I didn't sleep. I did not understand that whom I cared most in my entire life had said something like that. That's why, The next day, I decided not show my face to her and to remain 100 meters away from her (We are at same area) to make her soul happy.

After that whenever I saw her I avoided her

But, I heard that she always talked about me with my and her friend.

At last, on September 6, 2015 she wrote me a letter. She wrote that she never ever imagined that I will hate her like that. That I was a very good teacher and friend. Whatever I done for her that her thanks will not be enough. She wanted forgiveness.

Then, on September 8 in another letter, she wrote that she always remember me, birds tell her about me. Am I happy without her? And invited herself to my house on EID.

I was skeptical. so, I didn't write anything but told my friend that I forgiven her. I wanted to see what will she do on EID.

But, On EID, she didn't do anything. But, she said my friend that she did not get the answer from me.

So, on October 3, I wrote her that she did not ask me any questions on why I hate or avoid her. I told her not say anything that she cant do. Bcoz this will seem like drama. But, she said that those were not drama and she was busy (her common excuse) on EID.

But, I know she was not busy. Because she was walking on the road in front of our building for 2 hours. I was at my window to see what she will do. She never looked up (She had always looked up when I was her teacher). If she didn't play with me then she would have asked me to write why I hate her?

The thing is that I really feel bad after talking about her. Whenever I remember good memories of her then comes the bad memories. When I was in NC, I felt happy. So, now what should I do?

• should I write her that she should not waste her time on me
  
• should I just remain NC from now
  
• should I write her how much she hurt me
  

Thank you so much for reading and helping me.

I'm sorry, but you're 26?

Don't you think this girl is a bit too young for you? You sound like a lovesick teenager, not an adult or role model. I am thinking that your attention became inappropriate?

I'm sorry, but you're 26?

 

Don't you think this girl is a bit too young for you? You sound like a lovesick teenager, not an adult or role model. I am thinking that your attention became inappropriate?

Thank you so much Holly.

Please can you read it again. I have moved on but she started it again. That's why I am here to get some help. May be I am unable to share my feelings properly because English is not my mother tongue. About the love; yes u r right. I have never had any lover.

It is extremely inappropriate for you to attempt to engage in a relationship with a 14 year old student. Especially when you are a 26 year old adult.

I hope she tells her parents. And I hope you leave her alone, and if she contacts you, tell her parents.

Leave this young girl alone and do not allow her to communicate with you.

It is extremely inappropriate for you to attempt to engage in a relationship with a 14 year old student. Especially when you are a 26 year old adult.

 

I hope she tells her parents. And I hope you leave her alone, and if she contacts you, tell her parents.

 

Leave this young girl alone and do not allow her to communicate with you.

Didn't you read that fully. We didn't have love relationship. That's why I wrote this may not be the right category.

Why are u accusing me? Am I the one contacting her?

BTW, thanks

Didn't you read that fully. We didn't have love relationship. That's why I wrote this may not be the right category.

 

Why are u accusing me? Am I the one contacting her?

 

BTW, thanks

A relationship does not mean it was romantic or sexual. But you did engage in contact outside of your role as her teacher, writing letters, notes and having emotions involved implies you stepped out of your professional role. So yes, stay NC, you shouldn't be in touch with a 14 year old girl.

A relationship does not mean it was romantic or sexual. But you did engage in contact outside of your role as her teacher, writing letters, notes and having emotions involved implies you stepped out of your professional role. So yes, stay NC, you shouldn't be in touch with a 14 year old girl.

U r really thoughtful. Thanks.

U r right that I did engage in contact outside of my role as her teacher. Because she wanted my advice on those affairs with those boys. I used my energy and time to persuade her not to engage with them. And that time she was just 12, so I cared her so much. And we became friends.

Can u tell me how to go for NC without hurting her? Because I have said that I forgave her. She may expect me to keep cordial relationship with her.

Well if she contacts you, say that you can only see her in a professional sense at school, during school hours and in class. If she is no longer your student then its best to go your own ways.

She will learn to fend for herself.

I think in your culture/religion it may be acceptable to forge relationships with minors, however, in the UK your behaviour would be deemed totally inappropriate and could land you in a whole lot of trouble. What country are you living in?

It is natural that sometimes we will find things in common with children and enjoy their company. After all, I've always been close to my daughter and some of her friends have seen me as a type of "uncle" figure. However, it is important that the child and the adult are aware of appropriate boundaries. You should not spend a lot of time alone with children, especially if there's the slightest doubt that they have any sexual attraction for you or vice-versa. You should have not got involved with discussing her relationships.

I'm guessing that she cut contact because she told her parents she had a crush on you. Had I been her parents I would have probably done just that.

If you work with children, it is highly likely that you will develop bonds with them but PLEASE for your sake as well as theirs, make sure any friendship is appropriate. If it doubt, don't get involved.

"should I write her that she should not waste her time on me

should I just remain NC from now

should I write her how much she hurt me"

-She hurt YOU? How? She is a kid. YOU are supposed to be the adult here.

"Because I have said that I forgave her."

- You forgave her for what?

it's best you STOP talking with this girl. Don't get her all bothered or confused any more. You two should NOT be talking anymore.

This is my first ever post in any forum. So, I really don't know is this the right category.

 

I was a teacher of a girl for 2.5 years from Class 5 - 7. She is 14.5 and I'm 26.

 

Thank you so much for reading and helping me.

First of all I'd like you to forgive her, she's only 14, she has a lot to learn. You on the other hand, are 26, your goal with her is a teacher's role or a friends role and not a romantic role. If you want to make it a romantic one, go ahead and ask her parents if you can marry her. They will most likely say no. If she tells them she likes you or that you like them it's probable that they will not let you teach her or her to be taught by you. This other boy that taught her, maybe they didn't know that this boy also had feelings for her, or maybe they did know and had him teach her on purpose so that she would be with someone who isn't 12 years older than her. I actually found it funny that you used the decimal place for her age but not your own

Anyway, her best outcome is to study and do better, grow up and get someone around her age. Unless you have so much to offer her and she has issues that would prevent her from marrying someone I would say you need to be cordial friends and not someone who is that invested in her emotionally. The whole problem here is that you are way too invested emotionally. You need to care less and stop reading into everything she does and stop giving her the silent treatment. She needs to be a lot less invested in you too, your talk with her, if you talk is to confirm that she will find someone better her age and she needs to do well in school.

So to answer your bullet points:

You should allow her to contact you any time she wishes and respond to her in a friendly non romantic manner.

You should let her know that because she can do way better than you that you've decided not to invest in her romantically anymore and that her parents would not allow it anyway.

You should not write about how much she hurt you because you forgave her. Also, there isn't anything she can do about hurting you other than marrying you which isn't really possible. If you hurt her though, you need to apologize as the adult so that she can have a normal romantic relationship with someone else.

Good luck, also Eid Mubarak.

"She wrote not to contact her. Stating that she has fully changed and she hopes I will understand.

On that night, I felt my heart will jump out from my body. I didn't sleep. I did not understand that whom I cared most in my entire life had said something like that."

This does not sound like a platonic teacher and student relationship. Or that your feelings for this girl were those of a concerned teacher toward a student.

Don't try to make it sound innocent...you have inappropriate feelings for this 14 year old girl. It's in your best interest and in hers to stop communicating with her. Forever.

You'd be looking at two years inside if you did this in the UK.

You'd be looking at two years inside if you did this in the UK.

In rural areas I've seen 12 year olds married, working, and having kids. In the UK they have money and government support, in third world countries it's much worse. What would you do if you were the father of a 14 year old girl who was disabled and no one was interested in marrying her? What would you do if you were so poor that you lived in a makeshift tent on someone else's unclaimed, undeveloped property that you could get kicked off of at any moment they decided to build on it? Then all of the sudden some guy who is way better off comes asking for your daughter's hand. He's sane, has a good job and is way more well off, your daughter can stop being homeless but he is 10 years older. He seems to have good character and the only flaw is that he's 10 years older. The culture you're in has no such thing as divorce, if he marries her it's for life. Do you give your uneducated daughter to him or do you give her to her uneducated cousin who similarly lives in shambles and will never get out of poverty? Or do you wait for her to get pregnant on her own because she doesn't have much going on in her life and she's willing to experiment?

Because of economic conditions, lack of schooling, poor opportunities, and other problems like poor drinking water, those people try to get their kids married as soon as they pass puberty. In the US we have laws that prevent that, but no laws to prevent teen pregnancy. So basically we tell highly hormonal teens that can get pregnant that they're not adults yet so they can't get married. But at the same time, we don't prevent them from doing everything they could do in a marriage. So they do all the same things without a commitment and get pregnant. In third world countries the marriageable age is usually puberty. People like waiting to increase the value of son/daughter but for poor people, the second their kids pass puberty they are adults now and that value isn't going up it's going down. It is not an arbitrary age for them where one day they were a kid but the next day they're an adult with full rights to consent, for them if you can have a kid then you're not a kid.

Now for the US, there's a good life for all universally, education is required, and it makes sense to mark the age of getting out of highschool to be the age of being an adult. This way you can ensure the kids reach a higher value and can support themselves before joining society as an adult with kids. In the old days though, where people learned the trade and there wasn't an emphasis on school, even in the US it was normal to get your daughter married off as soon as she hit puberty and your son as soon as he could support a family. This meant there were a lot of 10 year age gap relationships as men didn't earn enough till much later and women were ready to be married in their teens. So there are people in the US with grandma's that did get married in their early teens. Third world countries just haven't caught up yet and the economic conditions do allow for the same kinds of marriages as in the US's past. Here though we're having another problem, we've gotten so advanced in society that the age of adulthood keeps increasing. Even now some people don't start a family till 35+ when they're running out of eggs. It's just they were studying to be a doctor or getting a PhD that took a decade more so they married later, but biologically their time is up.

Fair play, but in the UK a pregnant twelve year old wouldn't just get money and government support. The father would be tracked down, and god forbid he was ten years older, he'd be called a 'nonce' and be prosecuted for child abuse, rape, grooming a minor, and so on. He'd serve time, and the sentence would be even harsher if he was in a position of trust as the OP was. I'm just stating facts, and you don't know if this girl was living in poverty or not. I understand cultural differences, but this one is very questionable.

I think in your culture/religion it may be acceptable to forge relationships with minors, however, in the UK your behaviour would be deemed totally inappropriate and could land you in a whole lot of trouble. What country are you living in?

Where did I wrote that I am forcing her? Haven't u read carefully? I am doing nothing with her, I dont see her. She just sent me letter with stating her feelings and I replied.

The thing is that people dont trust anyone. If I haven't post the age details then what would have u said? huh!

I actually found it funny that you used the decimal place for her age but not your own

Because I'll be 26 in Nov.

This other boy that taught her, maybe they didn't know that this boy also had feelings for her, or maybe they did know and had him teach her on purpose so that she would be with someone who isn't 12 years older than her.

He is also 26. Yes, they didn't know. But I knew Because she told when I was her private teacher. That's why I shocked.

You need to care less and stop reading into everything she does and stop giving her the silent treatment. She needs to be a lot less invested in you too, your talk with her, if you talk is to confirm that she will find someone better her age and she needs to do well in school.

Thanks a lot. You r really reasonable.

"She wrote not to contact her. Stating that she has fully changed and she hopes I will understand.

 

On that night, I felt my heart will jump out from my body. I didn't sleep. I did not understand that whom I cared most in my entire life had said something like that."

 

This does not sound like a platonic teacher and student relationship. Or that your feelings for this girl were those of a concerned teacher toward a student.

Good point. I wrote the letter bcoz I wanted to know

• Why she did not say to her parents that she wants me as her teacher
  
• Why she became student of that boy
  
• Why she told me that I was her closest person but did not remain my side when I needed her
  
• Was all Drama
  

If she would have told me that she tried but her parents didn't want me as her teacher then I would have been happy. Because what she has said (that she wants me as her teacher for many years), she had done. But after saving her from bad affairs and caring her now I hear that she has changed that caused me heartache. I am very emotional and I know it is very bad for me.

It's in your best interest and in hers to stop communicating with her. Forever.

Yeah, that's what I want. I have been doing that for 7 months but she contacted me. Now, I am here to get help from you. But most of u r accusing me without reading the whole thing. U just see 14 and 26.

Fair play, but in the UK a pregnant twelve year old wouldn't just get money and government support. The father would be tracked down, and god forbid he was ten years older, he'd be called a 'nonce' and be prosecuted for child abuse, rape, grooming a minor, and so on. He'd serve time, and the sentence would be even harsher if he was in a position of trust as the OP was. I'm just stating facts, and you don't know if this girl was living in poverty or not. I understand cultural differences, but this one is very questionable.

No. we are not in poverty.

Oh Dave! Is 1966 your birth year? If that then u should behave like a older, experienced person who will try to mentor or show right path to the person who needs help. But, OMG! U r d most judgmental and unreasonable person I have ever seen. U live in UK, so what? Have u become d prince or king of world or uk or even in ur area? Haven't u done anything wrong? U need lots of help. May God help u to become more compassionate and reasonable person. Amen.

" should I write her how much she hurt me"

-She hurt YOU? How? She is a kid. YOU are supposed to be the adult here.

Yes, u r right. I should have act like an adult and do my duty. I should not protect her from bad things happening to her. I should not cared for her. Then if she told me that she don't want to contact with me then certainly I would not be hurt.

"Because I have said that I forgave her."[/b]

- You forgave her for what?

Because she was ungrateful that's why she wanted forgiveness. Now can u see who has done wrong?

Yes. Leave the young girl you are infatuated with alone. And ask her parents to instruct her to stop contacting you as it is inappropriate.

BTW...you posted this in the Ex Boyfriend/Ex Girlfriend relationships forum. Which means you see her in a romantic way. And that is wrong. She is 14!

No. we are not in poverty.

 

Oh Dave! Is 1966 your birth year? If that then u should behave like a older, experienced person who will try to mentor or show right path to the person who needs help. But, OMG! U r d most judgmental and unreasonable person I have ever seen. U live in UK, so what? Have u become d prince or king of world or uk or even in ur area? Haven't u done anything wrong? U need lots of help. May God help u to become more compassionate and reasonable person. Amen.

To quote from your original post:

'Why she did not say to her parents that she wants me

Why she became student of that boy

Why she told me that I was her closest person but did not remain my side when I needed her

Was all Drama

So, on January 21, 2015, I sent her a letter asking above questions. OMG, she was really furious. She didn't answer any of my questions. She wrote not to contact her. Stating that she has fully changed and she hopes I will understand.

On that night, I felt my heart will jump out from my body. I didn't sleep. I did not understand that whom I cared most in my entire life had said something like that. That's why, The next day, I decided not show my face to her and to remain 100 meters away from her (We are at same area) to make her soul happy.'

No, I'm not a prince or king in the UK, but you're a teacher and this girl was most likely twelve when you first met her. Everything I've pointed out to you is based on UK law, and I still have no idea where you live and teach. I realise there's different cultural values around the world, but I'm sorry, I think that what you've written is totally inappropriate bearing in mind her age. You are clearly most happy with the comments you've received from people who may be from a similar region or culture as yourself, but I'm not, and in this country you would most likely be questioned by the police and end up being banned from teaching at the very least.

And thanks, but I don't need your God to help become a more compassionate and reasonable person, I already am.

First of all, I like to thank who tried to help. Thank u so much.

As English is not my mother tongue so may be I was unable to share my feelings to u. I believe that's why most of the comments were unreasonable.

Whatever has done has gone. I was hurt because she was not grateful. I was moving forward until she contacted. I was avoiding her. Because I didn't want to disturb her and to ACCELERATE her ability to move forward without me. But for that she became aware of what she has done to me and asked forgiveness and I forgave her. I never said I love or will marry her.

Now I just want to move forward without hurting the person whom I cared most who grew in front of my eyes. That's why I have come here to get some help.

BUT, instead of helping me to move forward and give me advice on how to get rid off her without hurting her, u r just accusing me (may be u don't believe me) for what has already been done long ago and will never be undone.

I know inside every one of u there is a heart which is thoughtful, insightful, reasonable, empathetic, caring and loving. Be that person to everyone and most importantly to yourself.

May God bless us all.

To quote from your original post:

'Why she did not say to her parents that she wants me

Why she became student of that boy

Why she told me that I was her closest person but did not remain my side when I needed her

Was all Drama

I have answered it before plz check.

Everything I've pointed out to you is based on UK law and in this country you would most likely be questioned by the police and end up being banned from teaching at the very least.

We have very strict law. But the ques is Why should u point out to LAW? Have I done anything wrong? That's why I got irritated to u. It is my true feeling. I am shocked why someone is talking about law. Are u assuming that I have done something wrong? If u don't believe whatever I am saying then why did u comment?

I don't need your God to help become a more compassionate and reasonable person, I already am.

Yeah, I can see ur tone has changed. Thanks a lot.