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Thread: Why do long relationships fail?

  1. #1
    shep88ner
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    Why do long relationships fail?

    Ive pondered this question for a long time now. it always strikes me as weird when relationships lasting 9-10 years end. Ive been in a relationship now for 1 year. it's not very long in respect of marriages and other relationships, but it has opened my eyes to the topic somewhat. i know that me and my girlfriend were to really break up after only 1 year together, everyone in our social circle would be all over it asking what happened and how it happened. I had a friend break up with his SO after a little over 2 years and it was like you see on TV with everyone wanting all the details and everyone was shocked.

    I cant imagine a relationship going on for 10x what mine has, then just suddenly failing. When i think of that kind of time frame im thinking more towards marriage and stuff like that.

    Speaking of marriages, same goes for those. i heard of a couple that had been together for 15+ years, and they got divorced. how could this happen with a relationship that lasts that long?

  2. #2
    g1234567890h
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    The divorce rate in America today is about 50%. 70%-90% for those who have special needs children or mental illness. It happens more frequently than you think. My best friend's parents were married for over 20 years but they got divorced after the husband had sex with a prostitute, impregnated her, and gave her a VD. It happens for different reasons. There's a lot of abuse in relationships, a lot of problems with children, and I'm actually quite surprised when relationships do last long term.

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    pinksheep
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    I wonder the same thing myself sometimes, and all I can come up with is maybe infidelity, sudden problems that didn't exist before, things of that nature. I also think sometimes marriages that includes kids don't last because once the kids grow up...they realize that's all they had in common after awhile.

  4. 02-09-2007, 02:15 AM

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    shep88ner
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    Quote Originally Posted by airtight_python [Register to see the link]
    Many of them end because the spark just disappears in the relationship. It's like when you get a new toy... at first you can't put it down. You still have interest in it later on, you just don't play with it as much.

    My girlfriend of 6 years left me... I think that is a big reason. We just lost the spark... I thought she loved me more but I guess not. I hate my life and I want to kill myself.
    suicide is not the answer. you're young yet and there are plenty more opportunities out there for you. like any break up, it's going to take some time and tears, but you'll get over it and you'll come out of it a stronger person.

  6. #5
    shep88ner
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    as for the infidelity, i understand why a break up or divorce would come of that. but the whole, "lose that spark" is what confuses me. If you're going to devote 15-20 years of your life to one person, then suddenly lose your feelings towards them shocks me. i guess i cant just see someone having a family with somone, owning a home, living together, married for 20 years then they decide they'd be better off apart. it is always shocking to me.
    Last edited by shep88ner; 02-09-2007 at 02:26 AM. Reason: typo

  7. 02-09-2007, 02:40 AM

  8. #6
    ajcoyote
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    People hide a lot from themselves, and alot from others, even those they are closest with. Unfortunately one day you might wake up and realize you've been decieving yourself, you might realize you can't handle dealing with another person's problems any more. You might realize the best thing for both of you is to move on.

    My parents divorced when I was 8. I don't remember them being together. i love both of them tremendously and can't imagine having a better family, but from what I've learned over the years my father distanced himself from my mother through alcohol night after night after night. When they divorced he stopped drinking and started a part of his life. He started being the father I know. Now I can't imagine my parents being together - they are so different! But somehow they made it 20 years together! Life is just too unpredictable!

    I hope to God that situation doesn't repeat itself in my life, but I can't know what the future holds, all I can do is live from my heart one moment at a time.
    Last edited by ajcoyote; 02-09-2007 at 02:42 AM.

  9. #7
    Dako
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    People can grow apart, even if they care about each other and yes, even work at it. My marriage ended after 25 years, and we're still friends.

    Sometimes the appoach of old age can bring a re-evaluation of life goals, a person can want the rest of their life to take a new course, and sometimes menopause, health issues or children can have a bearing on divorce.

    Some young people don't realize how they'll feel or think in 20 years and what changes may happen. Over the course of life, we all change.

    Statistics are often tossed around, but when it's your marriage, it's personal.

  10. #8
    brando
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    maybe we are more willing to try and love someone else and have them love us and never realize the importance of loving ourselves.

    Keep reading the posts on here, do you not see a pattern???

  11. #9
    SarahRose
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    Relationships end for all sorts of reasons.

    My marriage lasted 20 years. I should have and tried to leave years sooner but I was trapped with little kids and no real job skills at the time.

    He is abusive and alcoholic and he broke my heart.

    we really had nothing in common either.

  12. #10
    g1234567890h
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    Quote Originally Posted by brando [Register to see the link]
    maybe we are more willing to try and love someone else and have them love us and never realize the importance of loving ourselves.

    Keep reading the posts on here, do you not see a pattern???
    I'm seeing that same pattern. I encourage people to get their own lives in order before finding someone. It's more logical to do it that way.

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