Meeting my mother

Wow. it has been probably forever since i have been on this site. no one on here probably remembers me. My name is michelle, and i used to come here daily. but one day i just stopped. i guess i didn't have as much to write about and maybe just not as much going on. My sn before this one was called: emotionally_twisted. but guess what. that sounds a little much doesnt it? i have grown so much and am still growing so i decided to do a new name.

I need some advice. Very badly. See. My situation is a little different than most others. i was adopted. nothing odd there. lol. but see, my mother was adopted. and i was adopted by her adoptive mother. so that would make my parents my adopted grand-parents. but see my bio-mother left and i haven't heard or seen from here in 11 years. i have 3 brothers and all are in contact with her. but my parents aren't in contact with her. but see my sister-in-law asked me if it was ok that she brings christine (bio-mother) up from virginia for my parents anniversary. now mind you, i don't know her. she really mest up my life, like i hated her, myself and everyone else around me for the longest time. there was a time where i didn't want to live. i have gotten past that stage of my life and i like to think that i am on the right road now. but now all of a sudden she's coming. i don't know if my parents are ok with this because its supposed to be a surprise. i already told my sister-in-law it was ok, just because no one has seen her in 11 years and i dont' want to be in the way of everyone seeing her. but my opinion is that she abandoned me and everyone else. she was very selfish. i don't know what to do, and worst part of it is i can't even talk to my parnets or other brothers about it cuz they don't know. i talked to 2 of my good friends and they were supportive but what now? what do i say? what do i do? do i ignore her? pretend she isn't there?

thanks for listening and anyadvice is wanted. i don't care if you have never been in this type of situation or not. but i just don't know how to act. and its tearing me up. she isn't coming till july 2nd and my other brother is coming down from minnesota who i haven't seen in like 3 years. so im excited for him but i just dont know what to do.

please and thank you. by the way. Hi andy. i was goign to email you about this but i just didn't know if that would be ok with you....

maybe you should just ask your parents or brothers about it. I know its supposed to be a surprise and all. But something this big is worth spoiling the surprise in my opinion.

I thinkssomeone should tell your parents - this may be a surprise they don't want.

As for yourself, I think you can do what you want. You owe her nothing but you may at least satisfy a curiosity about her. You seem grounded enough to not expect a spectacular and emotional reconciliation, but you may be able to form some sort of connection or at least gain some closure. Just guard your emotions, treat her coolly but without rancour and see what develops.

Hey Michelle,

Welcome back! Good job on the new nick

I agree with DN, it might not be a 'good' surprise for your parents. They adopted her, and she just left. She left them as well as you. I think telling your parents also has the advantage that you can involve them in the struggle your facing now.

Take care,

Ilse.

I was happy to see your post. Sometimes I feel there's only a handful of us out here in this world.

Is your bio mom coming down specifically to patch things up with you or just for a random visit?

I think you should let your parents know and to be safe, if you're not ready to see her, plan a trip out of town. You do not deserve that kind of mental abuse.

Take care,

Tosing