First I want to say I am very sorry to hear what has happened and wish all the best for you.
Seems like he wants an already made family, how easy huh? If things don't work out then he don't have any responsibilities to pay child support....hum.
Do you think perhaps after all this time he may have wanted children? Was having no children a mutual thing? Sorry I am not trying to interrogate just want a better understanding of your situation, because I don't want to assume anything without the facts.
I am 43 and don't worry your life is not over by any means of the word...there are people that break up in their 60's and go on to live better quality lives.
Yes, 20 years is a long time to stay with a person and I commend you for your strength and hard work...because being in a relationship for any amount of time is not easy.
How long has he been with this new gf? Let me tell you it's hard enough to take care of oneself, but a ready made family??? Whew he has his work cut out for him. Children is a bigggggggggggg responsibility and he is going to find this out soon. Also what about discipline....is this woman going to allow him to make decisions and discipline these kids if needed?? Whoa there is a big problem right there and especially if they are teenagers....perhaps before to long he will be running for the hills.
In the meantime get out and breathe in some fresh air while you have on walking shoes. You been tied up all these years and never had a chance to spread your wings....girl it's time to fly. If you have a car get in it and take a road trip, go along the coast and see the ocean. If you feel that you wasted the best years of your life then don't allow him to have one more day.
Be all you can be...I know it's hard to get started, but you can do it.
Think to yourself...what is some of the things perhaps you always wanted to do with your life? Do something just for you and only you.
We cannot force people to be with us so if they want to leave then you say to him have a great life and walk away. People will do exactly what they want regardless of how we feel.
I understand it's probably scary and lonely right now, but analyze what you want out of life and don't let anything stand in your way.
Don't hate him or try to figure him out that is way to much of your time and energy and already you put in more years than the average person...this time is for you my friend. Perhaps you are angry, but that is poison going right into your blood stream and could lead to many problems health wise such as breast cancer and strokes. Just remember the good times and memories and be glad to have what you had...as I said previously (in one of my own threads)...there are NO guarantees in life...things change and people change.
Hon we are in our 40's and the only person we should be in love with at this stage is Ben Franklin.
You have lived 40 years because you woke up and were still breathing and it didn't have anything to do with him and for sure you will do this for at least another 40.
I know it easier said than done because the emotional part and many years of feelings are there...I have not overlooked this matter...the head and the heart pulling you at all directions is very painful, but what would be more painful...the person you loved and trusted for so long just walking out and then you sit wondering is he coming back and then what?? If he does then perhaps you might think when is he going to throw another bombshell on me? Don't give him that chance!
Who is this other woman anyway? Was she a mutual friend? I cannot imagine being second best...what is wrong with this other woman? You had him for 20 years and all of sudden he is with her...I mean come on whether or not he is with her now for sure after 20 years you were then and are now always going to be in his heart. She is just getting your left overs. She will never be able to take your place and I seriously doubt he will spend 20 years with her.
So while he is playing house you go out and start taking care of #1 which is YOU!!!!! read some of my posts then you will know just where I am coming from.
Take action today and don't delay....
And, last don't look for another relationship so soon, because you need to spend time knowing yourself and doing things on your own...enjoy your freedom and you might even be surprised that you might even like it.
Good luck and hope to hear from you...smiles