TeeDee

Some people don't want to hear the negatives & like to complain. You know she's one of them but since she was your only friend & you had some laughs it will be hard without her. You can try harder to apologize but then you will be back putting up with her drama. Instead maybe make some more effort to enlarge your social circle. Do you know anybody interesting in your field? Can you reach back to a HS or college buddy? Is there anybody in your building / neighborhood that looks interesting? Can you join something that interests you to meet like minded people?

Recognizing the problem or in your case the potential for a problem is a great 1st step in avoiding it. Check in with yourself periodically & ask if you feel like you are being parented in the relationship. If no, carry on. If yes, change something.

Schedule that 2nd appointment. If it's too much for you to hash things out more often you can dial it back. For now, you need an outlet. Read up on SMART goals & implement some. It's not easy to make friends once school is over but it is possible. It just takes more effort. Do something small, like invite a neighbor over for coffee or a drink; join an organization that does something you are interested in. define what it is that you want to accomplish creatively & then at least write out the steps needed to achieve that goal. Include the obvious steps like buy supplies. Then start to check off some of the boxes by actually doing them. I wanted to lose weight a while back so I had to go buy sneakers because I didn't have any at the time.

My BF getting so drunk at a gaming convention he was sick for 2 weeks after would have me questioning his relationship with alcohol. If you are a gamer too, it would make more sense for you to be invited along to the convention. You now know of 2 promises he broke: 1). using the escort site when he promised not to look at porn because he's trying to end an addiction and 2). last year being the last convention. He hasn't broken the promise to marry you but all the day shows an intent to break it. Do you really want to try for the trifecta & see just how long it takes for him to break his marriage vows?

She did it to hurt you, plain & simple. She's not a nice person. All that damage made her mean, petty & unstable. My heart goes out to you that you were so hurt that you ended up crying over a girl you dated for 3 weeks. That is a function of inexperience. You will develop a thicker skin over time & be more cautious with your feelings. Bars & the people who work there are cesspools of gossip & interdating. I worked in several through college & grad school. Nobody you work with really cares who you date, who you sleep with or why it ended. They will talk about it for a couple of days until the next juicy story comes around. Don't let it upset you. People see how she is. If she's making out with a random guy in front of you while you are at work but you are not with the woman she accused you of dumping her for, your co-workers will identify her as an untrustworthy person in short order. People in the bar business are good at sizing people up. Do your job; learn to make to make drinks so you can be promoted to bartender to earn more money. You will be fine. Just don't play her game.

I am so sorry life feels so overwhelmingly difficult. Do tell your therapist that you are feeling like this. That person can help you better than a message board. A gratitude journal helps me. Every day when you wake up you write down 3 things that you are grateful for. At night before you go to bed you write 3 more. They should be different. Once a week you read what you wrote. They can be profound but they don't have to be. I will share that in the cold winter my heated mattress pad & down comforter make the lists a lot. When you focus on the good & what you do have, it helps to elevate you out of what seems like that endless dark slide down to the inevitable. I'll start your list for you: 1. You have a therapist 2. You found enotalone because you are Not Alone. 3. You found those cool vintage t shirts Now you continue. . .

You achieved the goals you set for yourself. You got into the college you thought you wanted & you got the job you thought you wanted. You were also brave enough to change course when those didn't work out for you. Instead of being disappointed, give yourself credit for knowing what works & what doesn't. I chose a career as a child & here I am 30 years later with a life full of regrets because I didn't change course. I suppose regret is the wrong word but I have no idea what I want to do next. Don't worry about promises your husband makes but doesn't keep. Those expectations you can let go of because you have no control over what he does. If you have no expectations around him you won't be disappointed but you might be pleasantly surprised. For now set shorter goals for yourself. Promise to read some book in month or try a new recipe. As you achieve success with those short term activities, maybe longer term things will manifest themselves.

I'm sorry your 1st time turned out to be with somebody unworthy of that honor. I don't think he was "using" you. I think he wanted something different than you do & he certainly wasn't ready or willing to forgo the buddies for a GF. In my 20s everybody did beach houses with their friends, not their SOs. It was rare for people to stay committed over the summer because there were too many opportunities for other adventures. Part of me can understand you not being happy that your BF would be away for 2 weeks. That trip was clearly about getting drunk & hooking up but a 2 week "buddy" trip isn't that awful in a relatively new {months} dating relationship. It appears to be an annual thing, deigned before you were ever in the picture. In my 20s I had a week trip to the beach planned with my friends. My BF at the time had a similar trip planned with his buddies. There were more guys then girls & the guys had more money. They were in a ocean front mansion; we were stay at an in land bungalow on the canals. My BF wasn't crazy about girls coming around the bachelor pad but said yes to a visit. I brought beer & snacks. His buddies also thought my friends were hot. I got to hang out at the house all week primarily because I never showed up empty handed. In reality I wanted parking & access to their bathroom because there were no comfort facilities at that part of the beach. If you are ever faced with a new BF who has deep friendships, the key is to ingratiate yourself to the friends, so they want you around. Then the guy you are dating won't have to chose. Obviously if the friends are awful this plan doesn't work.

You know you are not a priority for him to due the geographical issues; you said yourself it's easier to plan trips with people who are closer. If you want to go to Spain, just go with him & have a good time. Live in the moment. Enjoy the vacation & don't worry about the rest.

Never joke about suicide. It's just not funny. Don't call 32 year old women girls. It's demeaning. You already rejected her so what changed your mind? If you genuinely like her & want to spend time with her, ask her on a date. You should not say you like her. Your act of asking her to go on the date will convey your interest.

You & she have different views about money & the value of work. She's never going to buckle down & she's not going to budget. So either pay for her, go without her or stay home but stop expecting her to change.

There's a lot of shady behavior in here. He also seems to throw the word love around very casually. You know him better than we do & there are valid reasons you broke up the 1st time. It sounds like those problems were never fully resolved & you are right back where you were then.

Since you have already established a pattern of texting every day, changing that now without explanation will distress her. Do try to arrange a meeting in person sooner rather than later. Can you at least do a video call to speak your new language to each other?

She doesn't trust you. Without trust there is not much there.

Only he can restore your trust by his actions. But he's not doing that. He doesn't sound all that invested. You feel lonely because you know he has one foot (& maybe some other parts) out the door. You will feel less lonely if you stop trying to repair / restore this relationship that he doesn't seem to care about. Break up. Being alone is better than this. It will clear the decks for you to find somebody trustworthy. Please accept my condolences about your miscarriage. If he blocks the door etc. when you try to leave, don't announce to him that you are leaving. Leave when he's not there & don't tell him where you went.