Batya33

I'm sorry you're hurting. Did you typically give her unsolicited input on her mindset/reactions/victimhood or did she ask you what you thought about her flavor of the day rant about how life was so unfair to her? Around your age-ish -a bit later -I learned with rare exception to stop giving unsolicited advice and/or telling someone something they already knew. It meant holding back a lot but it also improved my close friendships. And as an aside when I was 27 I wanted to be a mom so so badly and my sister who was then 32 already had 3 of her 4 kids and seemed to be soooo happily married so yes I was jealous and also because my mother favored her when it came to giving attention -my sister took priority because she had the job and role of mother. Yes I could be happy for her, yes I was a very involved Aunt to her kids and it still hurt a lot and I was jealous! So I feel for your friend and at the same time I get that she's all victim hood pity party about everything. If she comes back around or you do I'd see if maybe different boundaries would help -have your fun with her, avoid the trigger topics and/or ask her if she's looking for your input and if she rants too much make a polite excuse and or end the evening early. I'm sorry you're hurting -been there!!

Giving people the benefit of the doubt doesn't mean you keep dating the person as opposed to being friendly acquaintances and I'd reevaluate whether this is truly a value of yours or whether -when it comes to a potential relationship -you're more motivated by fear like of being on your own, etc. I'm glad you're going to end it -good choice.

Had this record back in the 70s and a sort of personal -indirect -connection to the Jackals! Listened to it today.

40 for me!

Yes you're right -must have been that tour!

You feel what you feel. No shoulds except you shouldn't be lying to yourself that you "can't" leave and "somehow" you end up meeting up with him again.

Saw her perform in May 1990! Awesome Thank you!

Agree with all the others. If she were your wife/mother of your kids I'd feel somewhat differently. She can seek out resources on campus to learn how to budget and save better, I've heard good things for example about Dave Ramsey (heard -don't know). Like Seraphim said we've all had to roll up our sleeves and work for what we wanted and differentiate wants from needs. Travel is a want. Education... is more of a need in a lot of cases but the sort of education, the timing of it, how you will live during it -is more of a want. I paid for my own grad school (my college was very very inexpensive and I got a merit scholarship that would have covered the last year plus some but my parents let me spend it on wants - just saying I was ready to use it for tuition). For grad school -yes- my parents let me live at home rent free -that was a huge savings -but I paid for my tuition, took out loans for the rest, paid them back in 2.5 years after graduation and it wasn't fun. Find someone who has these sorts of values -I say that because it sounds like you have these sorts of values.

Can you save or work towards moving to a larger city where there is a big singles population -I did that in my late 20s -I only had to move 9 miles from where I grew up but moved into a high rent district where I could walk to work -worked more than full time -and take part in all the social activities and volunteer activities and on and on in the huge city. Creatively is easier to in a big city especially if it involves collaborating or being involved in cultural activities. I had a number of friends ages early 30s to early 40s starting families and getting married -especially a few who were in their 40s -when I got married and got pregnant -husband and I were 42 as newlyweds and expecting parents. I felt very very left behind for years but living in a large city with other singles made it much easier. But yes if you are having suicidal thoughts I am very very sorry and please get professional help and resources.

Yes and I thought you said if he wanted a relationship with you if hypothetically he was divorced -you'd jump at the chance. You don't need a drug of choice -you don't need any drug that acts like a drug in that sense -do you? Yes there likely are other prospects and it's hard to find a good match. But if you truly don't want a potential relationship at this point, and you don't want a sexual arrangement, is it that you want to go on dates with a person you enjoy being with, maybe have some romance but you both know that is what it is -neither of you have the intention or the purpose of seeing if there is long term potential? Then I'd -early on - make that clear -I think there are men in our age group who would like that.

A lot here and I really hope it helped you to write it out here!! (And travel is a lot not a little stressful with kids and you took on the sister situation!!). I hope it's better with her away -I think you had a lot of trouble restraining yourself because of the small space, you were tired, your baby wasn't feeling well,,,,,, and on and on and on. You are human. And it doesn't sound like your sister is second mom when you travel -the doting aunt who anticipates what you might need as a mother of three little ones. She's not going to come over, say hi and look at you and say "K I got this - you go shower, take your time, make yourself a cup of tea -I'll handle the kids --- ok go now!!" Anyway I really hope it helped to write it here and I'm glad your husband drove her back.

Are you like that in other areas of your life -engaging in unhealthy behavior because you can't explain it so you keep going back for more - or just going with whatever you fancy whether in your best interests or not?

As you know it’s a tall order and yes seems to come easily for some. And for others it “seems” but only on social media. I had the job part very early on. And the marriage part about 15 years later.

I think it's perfectly consistent with his expecting a grown woman to keep dating him once finding out his lie and excuses for why he lied. I wish her well and hope she sees the light.

He doesn't come back -to you -he comes back -to sex with you. You can dismiss it all you like as "I have no idea" but I advise not giving yourself a pass -you can have "no idea" and still stay away. One of the men who lied to me about his age by lying on his profile revealed his lie by bragging about how wealthy his ex wife's family was - and their age difference. OK. Simple google check revealed her, her age and the fact he was lying so I didn't meet him. I couldn't imagine how an intelligent, educated man couldn't help himself but brag about his ex wife, identify her, and not realize that would blow his cover.