What are some strategies for dealing with a partner who has commitment issues?

The idea of commitment can make us feel secure; it's the knowledge that somebody we care about is in this with us for the long haul. When that trust is broken and our partner withholds commitment, it can cause a deep wound within our hearts. This can be especially true when we’ve been with someone a while and have grown accustomed to sharing life together on a deeper level-- only to find them avoiding the topic of getting serious.

The healing process cannot begin until two things happen: understanding why the partner has an issue with commitment, and employing strategies for handling the situation with grace. Let's take a closer look at both.

The psychology of commitment issues tends to coincide with fear, which lies at its root. Most often, commitment-phobia is rooted in fear of vulnerability, lack of trust, prior trauma, or misalignment in life goals. Thus, it's best not to assume it's all about you (though it can be). Instead, allow your partner to gently explain the cause of their hesitance, if they choose to open up.

Once you've gained a better understanding of where their fears come from, now it's time to take action in order to move forward in the right direction.

The first step is communication. You need to express your feelings and needs clearly and directly, conceding even if your partner isn’t ready to commit. Be sure you listen to what they have to say, too, by showing genuine interest and empathy. Ask if there is anything they’d like to see change in the relationship in order to feel more at ease and make them feel secure. Pay attention to the answers, and do your best to honor them.

Another way to approach the situation is to simply back off. We want to give our partner freedom, but with clear boundaries. Offer space and leave out any hint of ultimatums. Stepping away from pressure might make them realize how much they do care and want to be with you. Patience truly is a virtue in such situations!

Creating shared experiences is an effective way to stimulate positive emotions and build rapport. Have spontaneous dates and spend quality time with each other going to new places, participating in shared hobbies, or exploring outdoor activities. These activities foster a sense of belonging and connection, which supports a closer relationship and shows that mutual interests and dreams do exist between the two of you.

Make sure you are mindful of your own self-respect and don’t let yourself to fall victim to being mistreated or taken advantage of. If the relationship is all one-sided and your partner is emotionally unavailable, then it may be time draw a line or accept that things can’t move forward in a healthy way. And believe it or not, if you are patient and kind, remaining hopeful is possible - for better days are always ahead.

The key is not to force anything and keep in mind that good things take time. So if you’ve got a partner who is having commitment issues, hope might still be on the horizon. After all, sometimes confidence, self-reflection and a bit of patience are the magic that we need in order to work through the mists of obstacles and grow closer together, in sickness and in health.

You’ve got this.