Simple Test for Potentially Abusive Partners

Relationships can be complex and sometimes it can take time to recognize certain behaviors in our significant other that breach into an unhealthy or dangerous form. In recent years however, proactive solutions have been developed to help people get a clearer perspective of their partners before their relationships reaches such a point. One such solution is a simple test that can help identify potentially abusive partners early on.

The test was created by Dr. John Gottman. He is a psychologist who has studied the dynamics of couples and marriage together with his wife, Dr. Julie Gottman, for over 40 years. He has found that through observing couples, he could improve relationships and even predict which couples are more likely to stay together in the long run. The pair developed the “Gottman Relationship Checkup” to assist those in getting a better insight into their relationship.

In a nutshell, the checkup involves answering a series of questions about the relationship (200 to 300 questions), with the responses being analyzed by the Gottman Institute using computer algorithms. This will then be followed by an assessment of areas where the couple needs to improve and how they can apply Gottman principals to do so. Through this, couples can begin to understand the behaviors of their partner and thus, decide whether or not these are healthy dynamics.

What exactly is a “Warning Sign” of an Abusive Relationship? These may include gaslighting, a lack of acknowledgment or respect, displaying signs of possessiveness or the idea of “my way or the highway”, formulating ultimatums, power plays in communication, and any verbal abuse. These behaviors can spawn from insecurity and low self-esteem, but either way, if your partner expresses any of these, it might be time to address it as early on as possible in order to ascertain if it’s something that you’re willing to accept or not.

It is important to be aware of the signs of an abusive relationship in order to stay safe and protect yourself from harm. All relationships are different, but any kind of abuse, physical or psychological, should not be tolerated. Hence, a tool like the “Gottman Relationship Checkup” could be the perfect answer for those who want to be more conscious of any potentially abusive partner in their lives.

Although this test could provide much needed clarity on the general health of your relationship, it is important to mention that there is no replacement for establishing open and honest communication with your partner as this is the most successful way to resolve any ongoing issues. Questions can cause boundaries to form and may, thus, be hard to delicately navigate. With this being said, the “Simple Test” can give you the context to make a decision, if the boundaries cannot be broken down in an amicable manner.

Through providing guidance, the test helps couples identify which of their negative behaviors may be just a ‘minor irritating’ and which may be stemming from a potential need to harm, as well as suggesting ways to allow couples to work on their existing patterns as a pair.

This simple test is an effective measure that can notify individuals if their partner could potentially be abusive. It therefore provides couples with a good indication of what to watch out for and how to recognize red flags early on in the relationship. Whether we find it difficult to acknowledge or not, testing for unhealthy behaviors is the first step in creating a healthier relationship with ourselves and with others.