Porn Addiction: When Porn Becomes a Problem between the Partner and You

No matter how often it’s pushed aside, porn use can become problematic for many couples. It can be an invisible struggle, one that we can struggle to make sense of, let alone mention. From the outside, pornography can seem like a harmless hobby that couples should be open about. But when does it become an addiction? What should you do if your partner appears to be struggling with an unhealthy relationship with pornography?

Sometimes, it’s hard to draw the line between what is considered normal use of porn and what could actually be leading to depression and negative effects in your relationship. It could be that your partner looks at porn nearly every day and you find yourself wondering why the bond between you two seems to be growing stale. Or maybe you feel like your partner is too obsessed with pornographic material. No matter the issue at hand, it's essential to take action now before matters become worse.

First and foremost, it's important to understand that there is no concrete answer when it comes to determining a healthy level of porn use. It all depends on the unique relationship each couple has, their understanding of the situation, and their own individual values. That being said, if this has become a significant disruptor to your relationship, it might be time to take a closer look into signs of porn addiction, and how it could be impacting your relationship.

Partner Communication

It can often seem intimidating to address your worries or concerns with your partner, especially when it comes to sensitive topics such as sex or porn. However, it is vastly important for couples to be able to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings on the subject in order to prevent any further conflict or misunderstandings.

Unless your partner is aware of your worries, they may not even know that they are viewing porn to an excess, or understand the full effect that it is having on you. If you can muster up the courage (even if it's one of the most challenging conversations to have), it is best to speak to your partner instead of asking them to give up something they enjoy; approach the conversation from a place of rational understanding, rather than hostility.

Start off by making it clear to your partner that you still care about them and that you would like for your relationship to stay strong. Make sure to express how their frequent porn consumption has been displayed in unintended ways, such as lashing out at them, distant behavior, and difficulty trusting them. Reassure them that you are not trying to control their life, but instead discuss boundaries that can be set in order to improve communication and grow together.

Find Healthy Solutions

If speaking to your partner yields success and they are willing to try to find healthier solutions, then it's time to move forward. It might be beneficial to limit the amount of time they watch porn or set up other regulations to reduce their use. For instance, if you have access to their phone or laptop, you could agree to spend an allocated amount of time together away from screens, activities, or hobbies that could enable their viewing of porn. Investing in a social hobby or activity, such as joining a sports team or going out with friends can also aid in distracting from potential triggers.

When it comes to finding a healthy solution, conversation is key. Discussing what makes them view porn and what pleasure it brings could allow for both parties to better understand how to resolve these issues. What does their viewing of porn bring them? Is it a form of escape? Talk through these feelings and figure out healthy outlets that can replace those needs. Additionally, understanding why pornographic material affects your relationship more so than others might help find productive solutions as well.

Alongside conversations, seeking professional help with therapists or sex counselors may be instrumental in finding helpful solutions. They are equipped with the tools to handle such sensitive topics, and will likely have experiences with different strategies on how to effectively manage the situation. Finally, it is essential to practice self-care during this process in order to not wear yourself down. Though it's not always easy, it's important to reflect on what steps you can take in order to protect yourself and the hearts of both parties.

Making sure the relationship is healthy is a top priority when addressing harmful behaviors such as a porn addiction. It can be difficult, yet necessary, to recognize whether porn has become a problem, and it's always encouraged to seek help. Even if it's uncomfortable, it’s important to have an open dialogue so that couples can come to a mutually beneficial solution.