How can you deal with a partner who is dismissive of your feelings and needs in the relationship?

When it comes to managing a relationship, there is a complex dance between the two partners. This can be especially tricky when one of the partners is dismissive of the other’s feelings and needs. From hurtful words and actions to flat out ignoring the partner's feelings, being dismissive can make any healthy relationship unsustainable. Yet, it doesn't have to mean that things need to end – rather, it can be a chance for both of you to grow.

It starts with a hard look at what underpins a dismissive attitude, so that the hurt and pain can be addressed together. A dismissive attitude stems from fear. Whether it’s fear of commitment or fear of failure, the dismissive person may feel overwhelmed and unable to properly consider the other’s feelings. To be successful, both parties must understand the root of this fear and work together to help allay any anxieties.

The first step in overcoming a dismissive attitude is to create an open dialogue between the two partners. Communication is key when it comes to all relationships, and never more so than when there is fear and hurt in play. Put aside judgments and assumptions, and instead actively listen to each other. Be sure to take turns speaking and be gentle with your words, considering how the other may be feeling. This allows the dismissive partner to open up and find room for understanding and healing.

It is also important to set boundaries in the relationship around the dismissive behavior. It is not appropriate for either of you to excuse or tolerate disrespectful behavior. Remember, if disrespect is present at any stage, it is necessary to stop the conversation and come back to it later when both parties are in a better frame of mind.

Another necessary step is to learn to practice self-compassion. The dismissive partner may harbor deep wounds that they don't understand the source of. Learning to be kinder to oneself can help to ease anxiety and prevent a regressive attitude towards the other. Allow yourself time to heal and accept that sometimes it takes longer than we would like.

Finally — and most importantly — respect each other. Respect allows us to honor our partners and treat them with empathy and understanding. Respect means working together and making decisions as a couple; little things like listening to each other and following up on promises can make a huge difference.

Practicing these methods can help both parties move past the dismissive attitude and toward a stronger, healthier relationship. Creating an environment where both partners feel safe is the backbone of any successful relationship. Most importantly, learn to be patient — with yourself and with your partner — so that the two of you can embark on a beautiful journey together.