Understanding and Overcoming Self-Gaslighting

In the psychological study of behavior, gaslighting is a term coined to describe an insidious form of manipulation used by someone in a position of power to distort one’s perception of reality. Gaslighting can occur in any type of relationship, whether it be with a parent, spouse, co-worker, boss, or even a friend. While this manipulation technique has been discussed in relation to abusive relationships, it can also happen on a much smaller and more subtle scale -- especially within ourselves.

Self-gaslighting is when a person denies their own reality or version of events. This can include convincing oneself that something didn’t really happen, dismissing personal thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, and downplaying or outright denying personal successes. Often, those engaging in self-gaslighting have a tendency to adopt the perspective of someone else -- especially someone of whom they feel intimidated. Self-doubt and guilt often drive people to engage in self-gaslighting because truthfully facing our reality is a scary proposition.

It’s important to note that engaging in self-gaslighting does not always mean that a person is consciously trying to distort their perception of reality. In fact, many people are completely unaware they are doing it, as it often happens subconsciously. That said, it’s still crucial to be aware of the signs and how to overcome them.

First, those engaging in self-gaslighting need to cultivate a sense of self-compassion. When we practice self-compassion, we’re less inclined to dismiss or deny our own experiences. Instead, we learn to accept ourselves and become aware of negative thoughts and feelings without resisting them. This gives us a better understanding of our own reality, helping us recognize areas of our lives that need work and celebrating our successes in an appropriate manner.

Building self-awareness is also key. Self-gaslighting thrives in environments with low self-esteem and emotional instability, so tuning into and validating our thoughts, feelings, and needs is fundamental. Becoming aware of our collective strengths and weaknesses, as well as what triggers us, will help us develop greater self-comfort and increased emotional resilience, enabling us to resist manipulation in both healthy and unhealthy relationships.

It’s imperative to remember that our emotions and perspectives are valid. Self-gaslighting often stems from feelings of guilt and low self-worth. We must learn to trust our own instincts and remember that voicing our thoughts and feelings is valid, regardless of the context. Once we accept and trust ourselves, we can begin to identify unhealthy relationships and seek out support from friends, family, or professionals to advocate for ourselves and our truth.

Gaslighting can be a difficult subject to tackle, no matter its severity or the person it's happening to. It’s so important to recognize the signs of self-gaslighting, as it can have dire consequences for our personal development and relationships if left unchecked. By practicing self-compassion, increasing our self-awareness, and always believing in our truest forms, we can make strides in overcoming self-gaslighting behaviors.